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  • Beqanna

    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


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    [open quest]  come along to the river; round 3
    #11
    So close.

    Is it her imagination, or is Shiya’s warm breath fanning across the remaining distance and pressing against Dillan’s cheek? They’re so close and yet so far; she nearly feels their bodies embrace for the first time in decades. Their eyes lock as Dillan gingerly steps onto an approaching leaf, stagnating it underneath her so she is another step nearer. ”I’m almost there,” it’s more of a reassurance to herself as Shiya responds with a silent and piercing stare. The fear climbs in her throat, choking her when the current strengthens. ”Shiya!” Help me, she wants to say. The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she paralyzes as the river continues to churn. What had been a tranquil gurgle becomes a great roar. Looking to her left, upstream and opposite of the waterfall, Dillan sees how a tidal wave approaches almost. It eats away at the bank, and just before she can muster the courage and strength to jump, she is swept under.

    A gasp of air is all she manages before her body yanks down beneath the waves and tumbles against the rocks. Her right shoulder slams down against one. A tumble. A twist. Her lungs scream when she finds enough purchase to push against the rock bed toward the water’s surface. In an explosion, Dillan’s head and shoulders breach through the raging current long enough to desperately suck in a breath of air and shout her daughter’s name across the chaos. Shiya emerges seconds after, but only to inhale sharply before being swept underneath again.

    The roar of the waterfall is deafening. Desperately paddling, Dillan struggles to remain afloat, the air escaping her faster than she can take it.Weak, so weak.

    Every muscle in her body aches and cramps until there is not enough strength remaining to stay above the feverish waves. With an exerting grunt, Dillan’s head turns to see the waterfall grab her legs and pull down. There is nothing she can do, nothing to prevent it. In a single, smooth effort, she submerges again and is whisked away with the current. Her eyes shut in defeat as the odd sensation of death rattles through her body again.

    Core – she remembers him, a face of her past – stands above her only to crush her body and push her farther into a watery grave. There’s not enough time to scream or to react before she is drowned again, and again, and again. It replays over, each increasingly more painful before her soul gropes desperately for familiarity. In place of Core is her family. They tell her she failed them. Krait steps forward, stern in his young face. ”You didn’t love us, mother,” he mutters icily before Darling appears, ”We weren’t good enough for you.”

    Lyria, Vriska, Layna, Caelin, Avatre, Vulgaris… Larva…

    They stand above her, stoic, and she is unable to speak back or reassure them that they all mattered, that they were all pieces of her heart.

    ”You were an awful mother.” “You didn’t care about us.” “You forgot about us.” “You cared for your home more than us.” Each one of their statements are polished knives stabbing and twisting into her gut, ripping her open and leaving her exposed to the pain of her failures. Larva, towering above the children, is a black, ominous cloud. His eyes, slit and reptilian as she remembers, are hollow when they fall on her. ”You turned your back on us, Dillan. You left us,” he pauses as the wall of offspring step farther back, obscuring into the background. ”You left our family. How… How could I ever love someone so cruel and selfish?” Her mouth opens, but there are no words, not even a breath; she still feels as though she is floating. There’s no way to defend herself, no feasible way to admit how much they mattered because Larva is already backing away to join the others. His head shakes disappointedly. ”I don’t love you Dillan. I can never forgive you for leaving us.” He merges with the others, disappearing from focus.

    Darkness follows.

    Then a voice.

    ”Mother! Wake up! Mom!” Dillan’s eyes slowly pry open, her body washed onto shore a short ways from the waterfall. Shiya stands above her, willing her to rise, but Dillan struggles under the weight of her shortcomings. ”I’m so sorry, Shiya,” but she doesn’t specify for what – for failing her, for refusing to stand, for destroying their family – and keeps her face pressed against the river pebbles for a few moments longer. ”Mom, you need to get up… please,” a tear winds down from Shiya’s emerald eyes as she presses her nose to her dam’s cheek, resting it there solemnly before glancing over to where Nikkai addresses them. Groaning, Dillan lifts herself but remains lying down with her nutmeg eyes trained on the water lapping at the shore. ”Go live, Shiya. Try again. Find happiness,” but her daughter is unyielding. ”No.” The abrupt answer brings their eyes to meet, weighted by the emotions clawing at them both. ”I tried and tried again, but I was not destined for happiness. I’ve never meant for it,” her regrets and memories choke her, but she forces herself to swallow it all down. ”I wanted so bad what you and dad had, but it wasn’t – isn’t – meant to be. Not even children were enough to give me true happiness.” Her chin quivers, but it quickly stills when Dillan stands to embrace her.

    It has been since childhood that they’ve folded into one another. Shiya buries her face into Dilllan’s neck, her body rattling with pain. ”I thought Vulgaris… but then Leliana,” she stammers but is quieted by the adoration of her mother. ”Please go, mom. I don’t want to be there anymore. I don’t want to fail again.” Frozen and torn, Dillan refuses to move, but her eyes flicker to Nikkai. ”I’ve lived my—“ she is cut off by Shiya shoving her forward, toward where the opening will be for them to pass through. ”There is still so much for you, mother. I’ve given up…” bruised and beaten by the waterfall and by life’s tribulations, Shiya lowers her head in defeat. Unaware of mother’s nightmares, she murmurs, ”I love you, mom.”

    Sidestepping, Dillan inches toward Nikkai but her gaze does not stray from her daughter. ”It will not be in vain, my sweet.” She will love her children, and their children, if need be. She will be better for them all, she silently promises. Quickly, Dillan returns to Shiya and embraces her a last time, pulling her tightly and close. ”I love you, too,” peeling apart is slow and reluctant but soon she turns away to leave her daughter until a lighter voice reaches her ears. ”Oh, and mom? I think I saw dad somewhere. Tell him hi and that I love him too,” tears brim Dillan’s eyes as she nods, acquiescing, before limping toward Nikkai. ”I will go. My daughter has experienced too much pain and heartbreak in life for her to return.” It hurts to say this, to choose herself over her child, but in death she has watched Shiya crumble again and again.

    At least here, in Death, family and love surround Shiya.
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    #12
    She doesn’t realize how thin the grulla mare is stretching herself, trying to keep all of them safe. By the time Cress begins her crossing the woman has already reached her limits, and it doesn’t take much for Cress to realize that no one is coming to save her or her son - the only magic in this afterlife is Nikkai’s, and she is unable to help them all. The golden woman doesn’t even have her wings left to steady herself against the current as the tree comes barreling towards her - all she can do is brace her hooves and look away as it draws nearer and nearer.

    Then there is pain, and she is tumbling over the edge of the falls, the first to plummet towards what would be sure death in any normal circumstances. The pain is endless as she falls and she blinks in and out of consciousness, a golden dragon flickering on the edge of her vision. She is drowning even as flames wash over her, burning away all of her hair and flesh and stripping her entirely of her ears - she remembers just as vividly as though it were yesterday, the Dark God’s hell where they had all been tortured to the brink of death, over and over again. She had stretched herself too thin then, just as Nikkai had, and had been left with twisted stumps for ears and exposed flesh on her forehead that had never truly healed.

    When she finally comes to, she is on the banks of a shallow pool, surrounded by all of the strangers but somehow all alone. “Ravine!” she screams, but the red colt doesn’t respond. Struggling to her hooves, bloody and weak, she looks around desperately, finally finding him near the opposite shore. As quickly as she can she races towards him, weaving between the reuniting couples to reach her son.

    He doesn’t stir when she finally arrives at his side, and she collapses to the ground with tears in her eyes. “Oh, my beautiful boy,” she croons as she wraps herself around his broken body, wishing she could heal his wounds and bring him back to life herself. The boy finally moves beneath her touch as she grooms his withers, groaning in pain. “I’m so sorry, my boy,” she whispers, pressing a cheek into his mane. “You shouldn’t be here; you have a life still left to live.”

    Nikkai’s voice startles Cress then, and she looks up to see the grulla mare looking tearful and apologizing profusely. She, too, is covered in blood and as broken as the rest of them as she explains that she cannot bring them all back after all, and Cress swallows hard at the implication - she can send Ravine back to life, but she won’t be able to follow him into the overworld. “You have to go back, my angel,” she tells him, trying to not let him see her tears. “I cannot live in a world that is missing one of my beautiful children.”

    Ravine sighs heavily then, turning his dark eyes on his mother. “No,” he responds firmly, and the strength of his resolve startles his mother. She sits back to look at her son - to really look at him - and though he is smiling sadly at her, she knows there is no changing his mind. “I will always be judged for my appearance up there, but here... I am whole. I am weak in life, but Mother, you are so much stronger than I. You have the power to help fix the world - I don’t. Please. For the sake of my brother and sisters, go back and make the world a better place.”

    With a sob, Cress buries her head in his neck once more. “You are the purest thing I have ever created, my son,” she murmurs, tears soaking his red coat. “I will find the strength, and I will make sure you come home.”

    infected.
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    #13
    Warlight

     

    She hadn't thought of the possibility that she could pull him in, that maybe he wasn't anchored, or that the riverbank may be slippery. But as she strains against the thread of blue light, trying to break the surface, it is her only thought as he comes crashing in. There is a sickening moment where the line goes slack, and she thinks that maybe he has dropped it. But the reality is worse, she realizes, as his rippling silhouette above the water is growing larger. Then they are together again, much like they were in their days in Solace's womb, tangled and wet, surrounded by the muted roar of the living water. But they are not safe here, and suddenly she is so, so cold.

    Fingers of dread snake through her ribs, chilling her to the core, and for the first time, she understands that her recklessness may not be a virtue. She does not know that they all have failed, only that she had squandered any chance they had to return to life.

    'I'm sorry.'

    She presses the thought into his mind as they swirl together, two specks of matter in a mighty river, helpless as they had never been before. The waterfall is nearing, the current quickening, but she feels him disagree.

    'We're no worse off... we were dead, still are dead,'  he says in her mind, his voice soothing the ache if only for a moment, 'and I'm glad I got to see you again.'

    And then, they fall.

    When her consciousness returns to her, Warlight assumes she in on the shore of Hyaline's lake. But the rumble of the waterfall is still too near to allow her to live in this fantasy for long, and the groans of others are enough to remind her of what has happened.

    She feels the disappointment and regret of their guide wash over her as if they were her own feelings, and she knows this isn't just about this small group of horses. But she feels anger too, and this she clings to its familiar, jagged edges.

    'The gods are at play,' she thinks, and she knows this is something she was born to do.

    On trembling legs she stands, bone-weary and a little woozy. Warlight reaches out her pale muzzle to her brother, to brush his forelock away from the place his skin as split above his eye. Blood seeps across his damp fur and her stomach churns when she looks at his legs, but she listens to Nikkai's words and knows it is right to let him stay.

    'Blood of my blood, it breaks my heart to leave you,' her final thought to him in life is repeated, something that she had never anticipate. But nothing that had happened in that last few house had been anything she could have anticipated. 

    "Rest, little brother," she says instead. "I'll be back for you."

    Turning from him she takes her lip between her teeth and steps forward with a shudder. 

    "I'll go," Will says as her dark, gemstone eyes meet those of the warrior-woman, and there is no hesitation. "Send me back and I won't fail you."

    She couldn't fail her brother.  

    — soul as sweet as blood red jam —

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    #14
    The red and blue stallion closed his eyes as he thought of his mother as he went over the waterfall. He had been crossing the river to see her. He opened his eyes and sees the mare standing over him. He let a small smile cross his lips as he asked her why she had abandoned him. He listens to her as she began to answer the question. He heard Nikkai's words and wandered if he should have his mother go back. He said "I'll go back and trying to be better. I'm sorry mother and I love you. I just want to fix my life."
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    #15

    they're gonna eat me alive.

    Nadya’s hooves never find solid ground. As she leapt the mist below gave way, sending her plunging into the turbulent waters.  For a moment - weightless beneath the water - Nadya feels a cool sense of peace. She does not fear pain. She does not fear death.  She simply closes her eyes - content to let the water take her. 

    It was not peaceful. The water sends her head over hooves. Debris grabs at her her flesh and batters her bones.  It is not this that bothers her.

    It is the screams.  Memories flash before her eyes - some she can recognize, some unfamiliar to her. She can hear the screams of her friends. She can taste the metallic tang of blood and flesh in her mouth.  She can hear the sounds of bones crunching but isn’t sure if they are her own bones, one of her victims, or someone else’s.  Nadya has a difficult enough time distinguishing between reality and her nightmares, and now that it seems someone else’s nightmares had been added to the mix.

    And then she is falling.  It hardly registers.  She was not concerned about her body and the physical pain she knew was to come. It was the memories that had her in agony.  Her mouth opened as if to scream, but water rushes in and silences the sound.

    The physical pain trickles in, but it is still nothing compared with how reliving the nightmare that had been her life had made her feel.  Raw. Exhausted. Defeated. Ashamed.

    She hung her head limply, overwhelmed. It took her a moment before it even registered that they’d all been swept away - her father included.  It is only when she finally lifts her eyes that she sees her father scrambling to his feet. “Father,” she breathes, struggling to limp her way to his side.  It is the closest she’d been to her father in what seems like an eternity, and cannot stop herself from brushing her nose against his cold, wet skin. She cringes at the sight of his injuries, wishing that in death she had access to her ability.  She would gladly take his wounds as her own, even if only to provide him with a brief sense of comfort. The water continues to swirl around them, tinged red from the blood of all of those who had washed away.  It both churns her stomach and fascinates her at the same time. 

    The magical mare is the one who draws her attention away from the crimson-tinged water. 

    So many would jump at the opportunity to live again.  But not Nadya.  Dread seeped into her very bones at the prospect.  Yet, she knew that she had no choice in the matter. She had been selfish in choosing death over life.  Now she could not be so selfish to send her father back.  She wouldn’t.

    “My father earned his peace.  He’s already been dragged from the afterlife once. Let him stay. Let him rest,”  she said, quietly, but her voice was firm. Trashlip, twice-dead, deserved to rest.  He had left his mark upon Beqanna.  Done his part.  She couldn’t say the same for herself. She had wished for nothing more than death to come and claim her in the end. She knew it was selfish. Weak.

    “I fled from life,” she said, the shame evident in her quiet voice, “So send me back,” she says simply. Let me do something worthwhile.  Let me find redemption. The thoughts hover in her mind, but don’t breach her lips.  That means nothing in the presence of one imbued with magic, and Nadya knows this.  Her life has been characterized by shame.  But she’s not ashamed of this want. 

    She doesn’t deserve peace.
    Not now.
    Not yet.
    Not when there is work to be done.

    n a d y a

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    #16
    Here it comes with no warning; capsize, i'm first in the water
    Her gaze is locked onto her father as she moves through the clear path. Lucrezia doesn’t look away. “You’re almost there.” Her red-devil father offers her everything she should have done before in her life. He is the devil with a deal—giving her a second chance at life. A chance to make everything right with all the wrongs she has done. Her heart longs to make amends for everything she has done, and even then, she is willing to make a pact with the devil itself—the one she has always loathed ever since she was bartered away for political gain.

    It was never wise to make a deal with the devil.

    And yet, she accepted it without question.

    Lucrezia can feel the fear creeping slowly in as Nikkai begins to spread herself to each of them trying to make it across the river. The darkness is coming closer the further she moves down the clear path. “Just a little further and we can go back home.” Each step takes her closer into the trap of the devil. Love blinds her so without objection as her heart longs for his approval, begs for him to accept her and love her so. She gives her heart to him completely, trusting his words and promises.

    But she should have known better.

    Words could always be twisted into anything. Promises were always made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. Words and promises simply meant nothing to the devil.

    “I’m sorry” comes gently like a soft kiss on her lips, but the pain in every syllable from the magic-entity mare fills Lucrezia with great dread. Suddenly, the water that stayed at bay comes hurtling down. The water swarms around, quickly crashing over and under her. “Dad!” Lucrezia screams at the top of her lungs as fear fills her. Rodrik lunges forward towards her to try and grab onto her, but the increasing speed of the current pulls her underneath the surface of the water. The last thing she sees is the horror on her father’s face—the horror of losing it all, the ones you loved and the life you have lived—before tumbling down the waterfall with everyone else.

    As she falls from the edge of the waterfall, it feels like she is flying almost. She feels weightless. It reminds her of the first time she had gotten her wings and learned how to fly. Her wings had been her escape, but she had no escape now.

    She had been so close.

    Always so close, she thinks with a heavy heart.

    Suddenly, she feels agony. A pain she remembers so vividly—a memory she has lived over a thousand times. It comes at her fast though, more excruciating than ever before. Lucrezia feels hooves slamming against her, bashing and battering every inch of her body as muscles tear and bones break. It was not only Bruise who was hurting her now, but someone else—the murderer of Nikkai. The magic-entity mare’s death had felt so real, so much as if it had been her own.

    Her body feels heavy now—she had never been flying but always falling. She gasps for air as her lungs become beaten and bruised once more. Her body cries out with each blow that comes her way as she relives her death once more. With each hit she is reminded of how worthless and powerless she has become. Then when she finally hits the surface of the water below, her body welcomes death once more to put an end to all the pain.

    But her heart begs for her to live.

    Lucrezia feels the hard rocks beneath her. She feels cold and almost numb as the swallow water surrounds her. A warm nose pushes against her neck. It nudges her softly but there is urgency with every push and prod. Lucrezia opens her eyes quickly, looking up to see the face of her red-devil father.

    “You are okay,” He says breathlessly but Lucrezia does not feel the slightest bit okay. She feels completely broken and unable to move, but she can feel every limb of hers together. It shouldn’t have been like that though. Lucrezia knows she should be dead, but why does she keep having relive her death so much? Shaking the thought out of her head, she finds what little strength she has left to stand up.

    “Are we home?” She asks with a soft voice looking to her father.

    Rodrik shakes his head silently.

    When Nikkai speaks and tells them what they must do, she instantly feels her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. Anger boils deep within her now. She wants to scream and shout for what is happening. How is any of this right? Lucrezia thinks as she shakes her head.

    She looks over to her father who only has eyes for her as everyone else around them are making their choice too. “You will be the one to go,” His voice is soft and Lucrezia’s ears flicker forward with confusion. “I promised to bring you home.” She had never imagined her father would offer his life for someone else—someone like her.

    Lucrezia looks down, she falls silent as her thoughts consume her for a moment. She cannot imagine she deserved a second chance to live her life. Her mistakes are simply ingrained into the foundation, written in the book of life that cannot be forgotten.

    Rodrik reaches out and gentle touches her neck with his red muzzle. “Stop doubting yourself, Lucrezia. You are so much more than you think you are. You are capable of anything. The world is simply yours. I have always wanted you to know and believe you can be anyone and do anything.” She looks up as her father pauses for a moment and sees tears filling his eyes, but they do not fall down his cheeks. “I know I have done terrible things to you and broken promises, but this time I won’t. You are going home… I will make sure you do.” Rodrik then turns Nikkai. “I will stay here.”

    Lucrezia’s mouth opens wide with shock. She had accepted her death a long time ago. It was something she had wished for ever since she had let down leading Tephra. Some would call it weak, but she had always thought of it doing the world a favor. Now, it was her chance to redeem herself.

    She turns to look at Nikkai. Her mouth feels dry, but she nods her head in accepting her father’s wishes. “I will go back,” she says softly, “I will do whatever I can to help.” This time she would not let herself fall like she did before—it was all she could do to repay for a second chance.
    ...too close to the bottom.
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    #17

    Mother is the name for God

    in the lips and hearts of little children

    This was the moment she had been waiting for, she could see him getting closer and closer into her view. Her beloved Clawfinger, right before her very eyes. She had been searching all this time, her entire afterlife revolved around finding her son. Her heart was beginning to fill with hope, hope thought to have been long lost in the ether. This plane seemed to be on her side for now, and she hoped with all her heart that it would stay that way for only a little bit longer.

    He cried still, though he remains as if he could not hear his mother’s cries. She screamed and screamed, trying so hard to get his attention - to run to her with love in his eyes and his bright smile. But, he did not...and she began to feel her heart sink back into the cold depths of her chest. Her focus on her goal begins to waver, and she wonders if any of this is real. If he was even real, and if he was, why, even after death, would she still not be reunited with him. No matter how hard she tried, she would never be with him, to love and protect him. To have seen him grow and eventually have children of his own. She never knew what became of him, whether he was actually dead or if he was still among the living. This was something she would never know. But what she did know, was that this was him here now. She had to get to him, real or not.

    As she sunk in her thoughts for that moment, the shadows crept closer and closer to the ivory mare. Just as it reaches for her ankles with inky ghastly claws, she tries to make a leap toward the other side of the riverbed, so close, it was so close. Right before her hoof touches the very lip of the edge of the river, the spell-like effect on the world around her begins to crumble. She can barely hear the voice of the grulla mare from before, “I’m sorry”. Her find head raises high to call back to the woman, but is soon silenced by the crashing waves around her. The shadows cower and attempt to creep back into the forest in retreat, but they, along with Whisteria, are swallowed by the waves. She cant breath, and she can’t tell whether she was being hit by tree branches and rocks, or the frantic pounding of hooves. She tries to hold her breath, but the air in held in her lungs began to burn. She could bear it no longer, the pain was too much. She is about to gasp for air as she begins to near the edge of the falls.

    It was all a blur. Bubbles and debris are whirling around her, sharp objects cutting into her skin sending spirals of her blood into the raging waters. Icy water is forced down her throat and up her nose, it consumes her without mercy. She fights it, but no matter what she did, no matter how frantically she thrashed her legs to find solid ground, it was all for naught. She is instead, thrown over the edge. Spiraling out of control, she is only conscious for the few moments she was falling, until the impact of the fall knocked her unconscious. As she stirs, that same voice from before begins to fade back into her waterlogged ears. She makes out her words and looks over her shoulder as the grulla woman speaks. There, right beside her, is Claw. She locks him into her embrace, not wanting to let go. But, Nikkai’s next words send a ping of hurt into her heart. Only one of them could return. Blue eyes well with tears, and she looks to her son lovingly. A sweet voice parts from a tearfully blocked throat.

    ”My darling sweet boy...I love you so much. I really hope you know that. I have never stopped loving you. My little prince.”

    Her sorrow filled gaze lingers on him for a few moments before turning back to Nikkai. She knew what she had to do, though she was not certain. If Clawfinger actually was dead, she would have been reunited with him long before now. She wondered if maybe he had grown old and finally passed on with a full life under his belt. Even if it were so, she knew in her heart that she still had unfinished business. There were so many years she did not get to witness of his, let alone her youngest son. She had failed both of them as a mother. In her heart, she knew what she needed to do. He did not need her anymore. He left her all those many years ago, to wander into the depths of the Chamber, following Nexa. Whisteria could not process it, she could not find peace. She wanted another chance. To bring and to save life in this world. To protect and love the children of Beqanna.

    She turns to Claw once more, hugging him close as she sobs into his neck. ”Forever my sweet little prince, I will love you forever..” she places a kiss on his forehead and turns away with pain in her heart. But, she knew this was the right thing to do. Her voice is stronger now, filled with passion as she speaks her heart’s desire to Nikkai.

    ”I know now, what I must do. All this time, I have been stuck in the ether - utterly alone. I looked for my child for so long, and the other...I left him behind and ended up here...trying for find him.” she motions back to Clawfinger and continues. ”My life was not a full one, it was only just beginning. I need to go back. There are children, lonely and unloved, that need me. There are others who need me. I wish to go back, to bring love to those who need it.”

    This...this was the chance of a lifetime. She could have sent Claw back to the mortal realm, but she knew in her heart that he must have gone on to life his fullest life. Without her. She wanted to know if her son, Whiskaway was even still alive, or Fascade and Incubi. She knew not exactly how many years had gone by since she mercilessly met her demise at the hands of the Chamber queen and her army, and she had no idea what would be in store for her if and when she makes it back. Would she recognize anyone, would it be the same? Or would she be tossed back into a world that she cannot understand. Honestly? She did not care. She felt in her heart that she had found her purpose, and eye shining blue eyes burned into the grulla mare before her. This was her final choice. Though she did not know what this decision would have in store for her, one thing was for certain.

    This could be her new beginning.

    whisteria

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