• Logout
  • Beqanna

    version 22: awakening

    COTY

    OCEANE -- Year 208

    QOTY

    "Because if she had not met him, she knew she would have been searching her whole life for the piece that he filled her heart with." -- Eva, written by Shelbi


    Thread Rating:
    • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
    • 1
    • 2
    • 3
    • 4
    • 5
    [mock]  Jesper vs Leilan
    #1
    Welcome to the Battle round of the Nerischian Tournament.

    If possible, each Ischian has been paired against a Nerinian. This round will take place in the format of short mocks. Each participant will post two attacking posts, with the person who posts first also posting a final defense post (Horse A Attack, Horse B Attack/Defend, Horse A Attack/Defend, Horse B Attack/Defend, Horse A Defend). You may use as many attacks or defenses as you’d like, though you will be limited by a 600 word limit, so choose wisely. You will have 3 days (to the hour) between posts, and four days from now (by the hour) until the first person is due to post. Judging will be done with a very similar rubric to the official battle rubric found here.

    DO NOT post for these to be judged in the official judging thread when you are finished. They will be judged by Devin & Sid as they conclude.

    Wishbone vs Mosrael
    Wishbone will post first, unless otherwise decided by the players beforehand.

    Jesper vs Leilan
    Jesper will post first, unless otherwise decided by the players beforehand.

    Breckin vs Viserion
    Breckin will post first, unless otherwise decided by the players beforehand.

    Bristol vs takei
    Bristol will post first, unless otherwise decided by the players beforehand.

    traton vs Caw
    Traton will post first, unless otherwise decided by the players beforehand.
    #2
    Jesper chooses a swift jog to eagerly carry him, over Beqanna's thawing lands, to the next stage of the Tournament. As his hooves land upon the packed clay of the battlefield, he takes note of the footing. Winter held its frozen grip on the underlying layers; however, the topmost is slick from the warmth of the spring sun and, the recent passing rain showers. Jesper slows himself to a walk to avoid slipping or, stumbling over the various imperfections in the ground. Next, his aquamarine gaze locates and, sizes up his dueling partner. The roan is thick in every way that Jesper is not: bone, muscle, and stature. Jesper is designed for speed and agility but, unfortunately, today's terrain does not favor high speeds and abrupt moves.

    Cranium dips in a  respectful bob before chassis gathers and limbs resume their two-beat pattern. A trot is well-balanced but, still nimble enough to account for any unexpected counter moves. He is also keen on making himself a moving target which makes accuracy more difficult for both. All the while, he remains wary of his footing as he approaches Leilan. Jesper fully expects the roan to move from where he stands so, he aligns with the roan's shoulder to the best of his ability. Jesper aims to come in parallel to Leilan but, facing the opposite direction with Jesper's left shoulder closing in on Leilan's left shoulder. Ears flatten in order to protect themselves beneath tangled locks and, poll tilts towards his opponent to keep vulnerable jugular as far away as possible. Once Jesper aligns parallel to Leilan's withers, stride shortens and pace slows into a prance. Nape stretches maw, from its retracted position, towards the roan. Labrums peel back to unsheathe blunts incisors which part and snap at the flaccid tissue above roan's elbow. Jesper's intended bite might only catch air or, pinch the delicate skin just above the elbow joint. Or, perhaps, bruise the tensor fasciae antebrachii or, one of the heads of the triceps muscle. Regardless, the clacking of teeth near such a tender area should distract the roan. Jesper hopes that the bite plays on Leilan's instincts and, the roan moves away - either forwards or, to the right.

    When mandible rejoins with maxilla, closing around whatever gets between teeth, cranium jerks back and away. Jesper continues to turn away, to his right, until nearly perpendicular with the roan though, now, with his rump facing Leilan. Weight shifts onto front limbs while hindlimbs tuck under chassis and, muscles contract with all of their brawn. Energy releases to send rear hooves flying towards Leilan's torso. Depending on how the roan responded to the first part of Jesper's attack, would dictate where the impact struck. If Leilan stood his ground, the kick would likely strike the shoulder or, girth region. An impact there could knock the wind out of a horse or, bruise the shoulder to hinder extension of the left front limb. If Leilan had shuffled forwards, contact would most likely be made on the ventral or, lateral portion of the barrel or, perhaps, further back and thus, in the flank, stifle, haunch or, lower hindlimb. A kick to the barrel would be uncomfortable to say the least but, had the potential to break a rib if, at the right angle. A kick to the rear leg would affect mobility of that limb and, the ability for Leilan to bear full weight during a rear. Once gravity brings hind pillars back under chassis, Jesper trots forward a few steps before turning back towards the roan, ready for his counter attack.
    jesper
    carnage x bethanie
    devin's∇designs


    note: edited by devin on 5/17 just to fix html errors
    #3
    The wind is icy when the two stallions meet on the plains, but the snow is thawing today, making it a slippery environment altogether. Leilan’s hooves are covered with a dark feathering, and although the mud sticks to the longer hair, it also prevents his hooves from becoming a source of cold on his legs, helping him stay warm for perhaps a slightly longer time than his skinnier opponent.

    Jesper chooses to trot towards him, a pace smart enough for an attack but not too fast to slip easily on the muddy floor. It gives the roan time to assess his duelling partner’s movement and build, although he already knew that the black-and-bronze is slimmer and probably more agile than he; with Brennen as a grandfather and Carnage as a father, Jesper is built for speed and movement, where Leilan, a son of Scorch (a draft horse hybrid) and Hestoni (a half-Friesian horse) is much stockier and carries more muscle in general. However, Leilan isn’t as stocky as his mother, lending him slightly more agility than she; still he’ll never be a race-horse.

    Leilan keeps his movement minimal, because he wants to know what the black-and-bronze is going for, but he also needs to keep his muscles warm enough to move suddenly. A balance not easily kept in the cold, but he manages to prance in place somewhat.

    He is patient to wait for his Brother to attack first – building his icy defence as quickly as possible in the time he has. His patience is rewarded when the other stallion ducks to Leilan’s left, his head lowered and his ears flat – he’ll most likely go for a bite low along the foreleg, or perhaps the belly area. Leilan is at the ready, using his Frost Aura to defend; he rears, aiming his hooves to kick hard at Jesper’s shoulder. It’s a mock battle, and he really does not want to injure his friend’s head, even if it would have been an easier and more logical target to end any real battle more quickly.

    His heavier bulk reacts a little too slowly, allowing the black male to make contact with his lower left foreleg should Jesper not have drawn away at the sudden ice-cold air surrounding the roaning male. The Frost Aura would, upon contact with the sensitive lips or nose, most likely leave a frostbite, a similar effect as a first or even second degree burn. Should Jesper be quick enough, he could have avoided this by pulling his head back in earlier, but without leaving a mark on Leilan in that case.

    Leilan’s rear results in two flying hoofs towards Jesper’s shoulder while this happens, and would upon contact bruise his left side somewhere. The consequence is that Leilan, upon landing on his forelegs, has no time to move out of the way of Jesper’s buck: only simply to brace himself and take a single step to his back-right– Jesper’s next attack lands on his left shoulder, and Leilan will be severely bruised and walking stiffly for the next week. He grunts in pain when he’s hit, and turns left and moves forward while Jesper makes his landing, so they’re paralleled with Leilan’s right to Jesper’s left.

    His Aura still cooling Jesper severely now, Leilan bites into the soft tissue of withers to either hurt or distract, then kicks with his right hind hoof into his opponent’s hind left hock or even, cannon area. Should he make contact there as well as the left shoulder earlier, his friend will be limping on all of his left side, movement impaired.


    600 words to the exact <3
    Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
    #4
    As Jesper's teeth close around the sinew of left front leg, labrums feel the sting of Leilan's defense. Labrums recoil further back from already bared teeth and, Jesper loosens his grip on the delicate tendons. Aquamarine gaze notes that the roan is now standing on his hind legs and, front hooves are lashing out towards him. He could not avoid the strike and, moments later, Jesper feels the scraping of unshod keratin down his left shoulder and, left side of his barrel. Chassis contorts to the left in discomfort as the pain of several layers of skin abrading away sinks in. Though Leilan's attack is superficial, his left side would surely be stiff from the parallel gouges that, now, begin to ooze crimson.

    A grunt rumbles from vocal chords, due to the tenderness of his left side, as Jesper kicks at Leilan. He feels the give of his muscle upon impact and, is grateful that he did not hear the crack of any bones. Jesper certainly did not intend to permanently maim his Brother. This is meant to be a mock duel and, as he steadies himself for what is to come next, he reminds himself of this.

    The warmth of Leilan's breath upon Jesper's topline is quickly replaced by a biting cold across Jesper's left side. The sting is more intense, this time, as Leilan has more of his body in contact than before. Although Leilan's frost aura burns the recently exposed flesh of his left side, it immobilizes the bleeding. Pace slows as Leilan's teeth find purchase upon the thin skin covering his withers because Jesper did not want to pull away and cause more damage. Poll lifts and back hollows as nerves signal the intensity of the pain from sparring partner's grip. Coupled with the distraction of the frigid sensation spreading over his left side and, Leilan's hold, Jesper is unable to detect the cow-kick aiming for his left rear limb. While the target is a narrow area, the edges of Leilan's uneven hoof do make contact and, slice across the front and side of cannon bone. Instinctually, weight shifts onto other three limbs and, Jesper holds his left hind up off of the ground.

    Now, efforts are made to shuffle away from Leilan's grip. At first, limbs cross to move Jesper laterally; however, when this is unsuccessful, male opts for a brief hop to the right. Weight is transferred to sturdy right hind and, gingerly, left toe touches the firm terrain to balance himself. Front limbs lift off of the ground, for mere seconds and, replant themselves further back and, more to the right of where they were previously. Presumably, Leilan would not want to hold on for the ride but, just in case, Jesper adds a second dive to the right. So long as the roan could not predict Jesper's writhing antics, he should be positioned behind the black. Weight shifts onto solid fore pillars and, though left shoulder sports a gash, he tolerates the pain pulsing from wound. A forceful buck is released from hind limbs towards Leilan. Jesper would be content with a blow above the carpus of right foreleg as this would likely bruise the tissue and, make bearing weight uncomfortable and, hopefully, bucks less likely. If below the carpus, the impact could shatter the bone. If Leilan turns, Jesper could kick his chest or, rear. Once hind limbs return beneath hips to bear weight, Jesper shuffles to keep his haunches facing Leilan. He would make every effort to prevent any additional injuries to his front half or, his left side.

    No HTML to prevent any mishaps this time and, 599 words <3
    #5
    Thank the heavens – or the fairies, Leilan honestly doesn’t know or really care – for that endorphin called adrenalin. It helped him catch up with Jesper just earlier, after the latter’s buck, with several long strides that ended in a bite to the withers where his teeth actually caught something. Where-after through the distraction, Jesper had been caught by surprise with his low kick to the rear.

    But the downside of this hormone is, it’s quick to leave his bloodstream. After his right hind hoof has found some resistance, which had probably resulted in a cut on Jesper's cannon, he begins to feel his own wounds more, the ache of his bruised and battered shoulder overruling the cut on his foreleg. Still he has cuts on his shoulder too, he notices now, blood slowly oozing from a wound very similar to Jeper's one, that he is pressing against with his own right side. His lower left front is also scraped by the blunt horse teeth, but that is something he can live with.

    Leilan’s bite was really only intended as a distraction from the successful low kick he’d made shortly after, and as soon as Jesper begins to writhe, the roan is only eager to let go. The black stallion makes several awkward moves; even after the roan has opened his jaw to prevent injuries to his teeth from the sudden up and down movements, he continues to dive to the right, slightly turning.

    This earlier-than-expected let-go of his gives the golden-maned roan some time to reposition himself, trotting a few steps forward and hopefully, out of range for a next attack. Jesper’s buck follows right after, and Leilan counts himself lucky that he had let go so soon in Jesper’s moving process – otherwise it would certainly have caught him mid-section.
    Now, the relatively late buck catches mostly air and tail, although Jesper's left hoof shortly scrapes over Leilan’s right haunch too. It stings but, because Leilan is still on a forward trotting move, the attack is certainly not as damaging as the previous buck.

    From his new position, Leilan is angled to the front of Jesper with his own right rear now facing his opponent (if that's what you could call it with the rear... never mind). He could have turned and bucked for a similar attack from here, but his front left shoulder is catching up with him, so instead, the heavier stallion turns on his rear end as sharply as he can, turning his good right front side to Jesper’s bad left. At the same time, the black has also turned, and again Leilan must move to catch up. He’s circling Jesper for a while and, realizing this won’t do because he has the outer circle, suddenly the roan changes direction, inwards towards Jesper.

    In this match, close-combat is without doubt more favourable for Leilan, and he hopes the move is quick enough for a forceful body-slam into Jesper’s right – presumably to knock the air out of Jesper's lungs – followed by a bite towards the spine or dock (wherever his attack lands). He’s too close now for Jesper to buck, he hopes, but if the black had been moving forward or turned away, Leilan’s right-sided push would have ended up near the haunch, without too much damage but really only inconvenient from the Frost Aura touch. His bite combined with his Aura would still be distracting, hopefully long enough for Leilan to perform a low and almost hastily performed half-rear, kicking forwards with hooves aiming for the softer belly tissue wherever he can, if he is that lucky.


    600 words! Had to get some of them out Tongue
    Jesper
    Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
    #6
    Grunt escapes Jesper as left shoulder aches with the added weight on his front legs. Stallion recoils hindlimbs and, once all four hooves are in contact with the earth, weight redistributes over quad pillars. Although he felt the connection with Leilan's haunch, Jesper could not muse over the damage done as the roan is on the move again. Obviously, the blow was not strong enough to interrupt his stride. The draft ducks to the side and, circles Jesper. Weight shuffles anxiously between three uninjured limbs beneath chassis. The black was not keen on being a sitting duck; however, bearing weight on his left hind remains uncomfortable. The gash oozes ruby streams down fetlock though ebony canvas masks it effectively.

    Aquamarine gaze notes as the roan turns in towards him and, rushes forward to his right side. Jesper remains with his side facing Leilan and, instead of bracing his weight on his already injured left side, male forces himself to relax. He recalls that the top layer of clay is slick and, the draft's collision should just push him over. Lighter-boned stallion leans to the right, into the roan's body slam, to prevent being knocked over by the force. Initially, when Leilan's broad chest slams into his barrel, Jesper feels the air burst from his lungs and out of his nostrils. He feels his chest tighten and, in an effort to replace as much as possible, maw opens and Jesper gasps. The intake of air tickles his esophagus and, a cough ensues.

    He then feels the ground sliding out from under him. Well, more like, he feels himself sliding across the slick clay. While the impact certainly knocked the wind out of him, Jesper did not fall down. Muscles along spine tense as the roan's incisors dig in though, he knew an equine could not puncture with dentition that grazed grass. Neverthless, Leilan's clamp upon Jesper's back produces enough contact to deliver the icy burn of his sparring partner's aura. It was uncomfortable but, he could withstand the biting cold as it became a numbing effect after a while. A shudder travels down back though, the black male had been expecting more of the same. Don't you have another skill or, are you just a one trick pony?

    The pummel of Leilan's front hooves to his girth creates a sharp stab right behind elbows and, steed decides enough is enough. Ears pin to poll before limbs dig into the earth for any sort of traction. After scrambling for a few steps, he finds solid earth and Jesper shifts weight onto haunches in order to back up. Forelimbs intersect Leilan's jab and, poll lifts to thrust crest upwards and hollow out back. At last, the black stallion sinks all of his weight onto his buttocks until he is sitting like a canine. He had been practicing since his embarrassing performance in front of Merida. And, all of that hard work had paid off. Certainly, if Leilan had held on, the draft would be dragged down to a very uncomfortable and vulnerable position. Besides, they had reached the end of their mock duel and Jesper found a creative, less damaging defense to protect himself and, shake his opponent.

    #7
    WINNER: Leilan

    Jesper

    Attacks & Defenses (-5/+5): +3 average of all posts
    +, -, or / Were attack(s), defense(s), and movement(s) understandable? (Did the player use directional cues like right and left, was the horse in the right position to make that attack, etc.)
    +, -, or / Would the attack(s) have been effective? (If the horse is aiming to cripple their opponent, they wouldn't bite; if they are are trying to distract or bruise they might bite, etc.)
    +, -, or / Were the attack(s) and defense(s) described well? (Specific area they are aiming for why they are aiming there, etc.; this does not require specific anatomy but rather, you are aiming for the shoulder to hinder movement, biting to distract or bruise, etc.)
    +, -, or / Were the defense(s) reasonable? (Did the horse take an appropriate amount of damage?)
    +, -, or / Did the damage taken and previous damage/injuries taken affect the horse’s decisions and movements adequately?

    Post 1 (+3) trots up, tries to get parallel facing opposite, bites at elbow, turns to perpendicular and kicks out
    +
    +
    +
    /NA
    /NA

    Post 2 (+3) recoils from frost aura on lips, takes kick to leg and gets frost aura’d, jumps sideways several times to get away from Leilan and his frost aura, tries to get in front of him and kicks out
    /Gets just a little confusing at the for the last attack
    +
    +
    +
    /Could make more of a point of how injuries affect him/his decisions

    Post 3 (+3) lets Leilan’s impact push him across slippery ground, takes kick, then sits down to get out of range of frost aura and grabby teeth
    +
    /NA
    /NA
    +
    +

    Realism (-2/+2): +1.67 (average of the below, max of 2 as not all elements need to be present in all posts, should include at least 2 elements per post, however)
    +, - or / Were stats of each character taken into account? (How big is your opponent, do you know their build, experience, traits, etc.)
    +, - or / Was the landscape used? (if it's raining, the footing will be muddy and effective movement. if it's winter, the ground might be ice covered, etc. these things can be used in attacks/defenses)
    +, - or / Were traits used reasonably and within their limits?
    +, - or / Was there anything in particular that stood out in terms of realism, good or bad?

    Post 1 (+2)
    +Stats mentioned
    +Landscape used
    /NA
    /


    Post 2 (+2)
    +
    /Not mentioned here
    /NA
    +I really liked some of the descriptions of how he moved or reacted to pain as it was happening


    Post 3 (+1)
    /
    +
    /
    /

    Creativity (-2/+2): +2 (average of the below, max of 2 as not all elements need to be present in all posts, should include at least 2 elements each post, however)
    +, - or / Did the horse give a sense of their emotions/reasons/feelings throughout the battle? Do you have a sense of their personality?
    +, - or / Were the attacks/defenses creative and interesting?
    +, - or / Was there anything in particular that stood out in terms of creativity, good or bad?

    Post 1 (+2)
    +
    +
    /

    Post 2 (+3)
    +
    +
    +I liked the use of Leilan’s frost aura to slow/stop the bleeding

    Post 3 (+2)
    +
    +
    /

    Grammar (-3/+3): +3 (total from below 3 elements)

    Grammar: (-1/+1): +1
    - Were there consistent (i.e. More than two typos in one post, or sentence fragments in every post) grammar issues or typos? If yes, -1. If no, +1
    Readability: (-1/+1): +1
    - Were the posts easy to understand? If yes, +1. If no, -1
    Powerplaying: (-1/+1): +1
    - Was there powerplaying? If yes, -1. If no, +1

    Outline specific instances of issues for critique; Not a lot off the top of my head, this was good. It can be a little hard to read with extra commas and flowery words; I love those in your regular posts but in challenges where clarity really matters maybe tone it down just a little.
    Rubric Total (sum of above sections): +9.67


    Leilan

    Attacks & Defenses (-5/+5): +4.5 average of all posts
    +, -, or / Were attack(s), defense(s), and movement(s) understandable? (Did the player use directional cues like right and left, was the horse in the right position to make that attack, etc.)
    +, -, or / Would the attack(s) have been effective? (If the horse is aiming to cripple their opponent, they wouldn't bite; if they are are trying to distract or bruise they might bite, etc.)
    +, -, or / Were the attack(s) and defense(s) described well? (Specific area they are aiming for why they are aiming there, etc.; this does not require specific anatomy but rather, you are aiming for the shoulder to hinder movement, biting to distract or bruise, etc.)
    +, -, or / Were the defense(s) reasonable? (Did the horse take an appropriate amount of damage?)
    +, -, or / Did the damage taken and previous damage/injuries taken affect the horse’s decisions and movements adequately?

    Post 1 (+5) Rears and uses frost aura, strikes at Jesper, takes kick to shoulder, tries to press into Jesper with ice aura, bites at withers and kicks at his hind leg
    +
    +
    +
    +
    +

    Post 2 (+4) takes slight kick to haunch, and then charges Jesper, bites, and then rears and kicks at his underside
    /It’s a little hard to understand where he is all the time
    +
    +
    +
    +

    Realism (-2/+2): +2 (average of the below, max of 2 as not all elements need to be present in all posts, should include at least 2 elements per post, however)
    +, - or / Were stats of each character taken into account? (How big is your opponent, do you know their build, experience, traits, etc.)
    +, - or / Was the landscape used? (if it's raining, the footing will be muddy and effective movement. if it's winter, the ground might be ice covered, etc. these things can be used in attacks/defenses)
    +, - or / Were traits used reasonably and within their limits?
    +, - or / Was there anything in particular that stood out in terms of realism, good or bad?

    Post 1 (+3)
    +
    +
    +
    /


    Post 2 (+2)
    +
    /
    +
    /

    Creativity (-2/+2): +2 (average of the below, max of 2 as not all elements need to be present in all posts, should include at least 2 elements each post, however)
    +, - or / Did the horse give a sense of their emotions/reasons/feelings throughout the battle? Do you have a sense of their personality?
    +, - or / Were the attacks/defenses creative and interesting?
    +, - or / Was there anything in particular that stood out in terms of creativity, good or bad?

    Post 1 (+2)
    +
    +
    /

    Post 2 (+2)
    +
    +
    /

    Grammar (-3/+3): +3 (total from below 3 elements)

    Grammar: (-1/+1): +1
    - Were there consistent (i.e. More than two typos in one post, or sentence fragments in every post) grammar issues or typos? If yes, -1. If no, +1
    Readability: (-1/+1): +1
    - Were the posts easy to understand? If yes, +1. If no, -1
    Powerplaying: (-1/+1): +1
    - Was there powerplaying? If yes, -1. If no, +1

    Outline specific instances of issues for critique; I got nothing off the top of my head. Liked the way you used his frost aura.
    Rubric Total (sum of above sections): +11.5
    #8
    Congratulations Vanilla Custard/Nilla!!

    And, thank you for the feedback Devin! I really appreciate the tips and analysis. I also like knowing the rubric in advance so, I can be mindful of what is being judged. I will keep trying to tone it down for battle posts. Think bland, .splash.!!

    <3
    #9
    Thanks! .splash. Jesper scored really high, too and for good reason Smile I loved mocking with you!




    Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)