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  • Beqanna

    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


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    Feel The Thunder- Modicum Mortem *MATURE*
    #11
    Mortem has one last chance. 

    One last chance to beat the lavender stallion, one last chance to prove that no matter who fought him, he meant business. His previous kick to the taller stallion’s jaw does him no good, not that it came as much surprise. 

    Mortem’s charging attack had been foolish. However, there was enough space between the two that he could see Klaudius turn and face him head on. This means the clown’s previous plan (charge and attack above his right knee) would be rendered useless. He would only be able to reach the upper part of Klaudius’ leg. 

    This was his final defense, his only way to avoid a direct collision with Klaudius. As the larger of the two swings his head and body towards the clown, he makes a sharp turn right, without so much as the clink of Klaudius’ armor striking his rump. Out of breath and exhausted, Mortem halts a few yards away from his opponent. 

    “You’ll children will float with me one day, Klaudius...” He hisses, mouth curving upward into a mischievous grin. “And one day, you will too!” 

    With that the battle ends, and it is up to the fairies to tell them who the real champion is.  

    Final defense: There is just enough time for Morty to take a sharp right turn. Klaudius’ armor hits his rump, but causes no real damage. 


    @[devin] @[Neo] @[Officials] willing to have this judged for learning purposes, regardless of Morty’s default win. ?
     

    |Proceed with Caution|


    #12
    I’m happy to judge this for you guys just for the learning experience, as long as you’re willing to wait a few days until I have time to sit down and do it, unless one of the other officers has extra time before me.
    #13
    WINNER: Klaudius
    *I recommended since technically Morty won by default, the "sentence" for the captive horse is reduced to 1 RL month. But it's up to you guys.

    Challengee: Modicum Mortem

    Attacks (-3/+3): -1 (average of the below)
    +, - or / Was the attack understandable? (did the player use directional cues like right and left, was the horse in the right position to make that attack, etc.)
    +, - or / Was the attack effective? (if the horse is aiming to cripple a horse, they wouldn't bite. if a horse is trying to distract or bruise, they would bite, etc.)
    +, - or / Did the player describe the intended attack well? (specific area that they are aiming for, why they are aiming for that area, etc. this doesn't require specific anatomy, but rather, they are aiming for the shoulder to hinder movement, biting to distract or bruise a neck, etc.)

    Attack 1 (-1) kicks at Klaudius’ wing (humerus)
    -no directional cues given as to how he gets into position to kick at Klaudius’ wing or even which wing he’s kicking at
    -it would take a lot of force to break the short, sturdy humerus; given Morty’s height and Klaudius’ height, it would be hard for him to kick here at all, much less with that much force
    + Gave good reasons for the attack

    Attack 2 (-1) bites at Klaudius’ abdomen as he ducks under his wing
    /I have no idea where you are - you need to give me more directional clues
    -what is “grabbing and pulling” at an abdomen? He can’t grab and pull with horse teeth, and what are you trying to accomplish?
    /


    Attack 3 (-1) kicks at Klaudius’ ribs
    -If he was just able to bite sideways or forward at K’s ribs, he’s not in a position to kick out without some more description of position
    +
    /

    Attack 4 (-1) kicks at underside of K’s jaw
    -if K was lowering his face to speak Morty, the underside of his jaw is not exposed
    +
    -why did you kick here? Very little detail

    Attack 5 (-1) charges in to bite behind K’s elbow
    +
    -that area is skin over ribs behind the elbow, or very muscley around the forearm; you’re not going to hit a lot of tendons
    -

    Defenses (-3/+3): -0.5 (average of the below)
    +, - or / Was the defense understandable? (did the player use directional cues like right and left, was the horse in the right position to make that defense, etc.)
    +, - or / Was the defense reasonable? (did the horse take the appropriate amount of damage given the attack)
    +, - or / Did the damage taken in the defense affect the horse’s decisions/movements adequately?

    Defense 1 (+1) moves sideways away from Klaudius’ kick, then backs away
    /He was in the right position to move sideways, but he’s facing AWAY from Morty; so backing up after that would be backing into Klaudius
    +
    /doesn’t acknowledge the injury again

    Defense 2 (-1) ducks under klaudius’ neck and gets bitten
    -where were they positioned? How did he duck under his neck? Straight on or sideways? This is confusing
    / horse teeth are not likely to leave “large” wounds
    /doesn’t acknowledge it again in this post

    Defense 3 (-2) moves to avoid Klaudius’ kick
    -no directional cues or elaboration given
    -a complete dodge where one doesn’t really make a lot of sense
    /

    Defense 4 (+1) kicks out at the underside of K’s jaw as he is attacking with his head
    +
    -if he was kicking high enough/the right angle to hit under K’s jaw, the spike couldn’t go into the outside of his thigh area
    +

    Defense 4 (-1) avoids Klaudius entirely
    -
    /
    /

    Realism (-2/+2): -0.75  (average of the below, max of 2 as not all elements need to be present in all posts, should include at least 2 elements per post, however)
    +, - or / Were stats taken into account? (if a horse has a Speed stat of 10 versus a Speed stat of 5, you won't be able to outrun them)
    +, - or / Was the landscape used? (if it's raining, the footing will be muddy and effective movement. if it's winter, the ground might be ice covered, etc. these things can be used in attacks/defenses)
    +, - or / Were traits used reasonably and within their limits?
    +, - or / Was there anything in particular that stood out in terms of realism, good or bad?

    Post 1 (-1)
    /Acknowledges the height/trait difference but doesn’t take it into account in his attack
    -Doesn’t give any thought to landscape

    Post 2 (0)
    +Good use of Morty’s size
    -still no acknowledgement of landscape or surroundings
    /

    Post 3 (0)
    +
    /
    /
    -you stopped running because you had to because of an injury but then started right up again - no continuity.

    Post 4 (-2)
    -ignoring own injuries
    -never acknowledged surroundings
    /too many full dodges

    Creativity (-3/+3): +1.25 (average of the below, max of 3 as not all elements need to be present in all posts, should include at least 3 elements each post, however)
    +, - or / Did the horse give a sense of their emotions/reasons/feelings throughout the battle?
    +, - or / Was the horse’s personality clear throughout the fight?
    +, - or / Were the attacks/defenses creative and interesting?
    +, - or / Was there anything in particular that stood out in terms of creativity, good or bad?

    Post 1 (+1)
    +
    +
    /
    -

    Post 2 (+2)
    +
    +
    /
    /

    Post 3 (+1)
    /
    +
    /
    /

    Post 4 (+1)
    +
    +
    /
    -

    Grammar (-3/+3): -1 (average from below 3 elements)

    Grammar (-1/+1):
    - Were there grammar issues or typos? If yes, -1. If no, +1 -1
    heavy armor that Klaudius bares along the base of his back and bulk of his chest and neck - should be “bears”
    “You’ll children will float with me one day, Klaudius...” He hisses, - should be your
    Readability: (-1/+1): -1
    - Were the posts easy to understand? If yes, +1. If no, -1
    Powerplaying: (-1/+1): -1
    - Was there powerplaying? If yes, -1. If no, +1
    “The black stallion is able to see the exposed tender part of Klaudius' abdomen as he passes beneath his uncurled right wing, and with near perfect accuracy, he grabs and pulls at it with all his strength.” this is powerplaying - near perfect accuracy can’t be assumed.

    You both need to be very careful about powerplaying (ANY assuming the other horse did anything they didn’t explicitly say they did). Too many full dodges (taking no damage at all, or even in getting hit at all) is also powerplaying. Attacks (and defenses to some extent) should be carefully described with a purpose, a reason why it might work, what might happen if the opponent moves, etc.
    -2 (sum of above sections):

    Challenger: Klaudius

    Attacks (-3/+3): 0.25 (average of the below)
    +, - or / Was the attack understandable? (did the player use directional cues like right and left, was the horse in the right position to make that attack, etc.)
    +, - or / Was the attack effective? (if the horse is aiming to cripple a horse, they wouldn't bite. if a horse is trying to distract or bruise, they would bite, etc.)
    +, - or / Did the player describe the intended attack well? (specific area that they are aiming for, why they are aiming for that area, etc. this doesn't require specific anatomy, but rather, they are aiming for the shoulder to hinder movement, biting to distract or bruise a neck, etc.)

    Attack 1 (0) kicks out behind him
    /
    +
    -gave very little elaboration as to what he’s trying to hit and why that might be an issue for Morty

    Attack 2 (0) Gallops up to Morty and grabs at his neck with his teeth
    +
    / He might draw blood but he’s not going to come away with a “mouth full of flesh” that’s not how horse teeth work; even sharp incisors aren’t going to cause that much damage, especially on the crest
    -where are you aiming, exactly? And why? What if you miss? Where else might you hit? Needs more detail

    Attack 3 (0) Chases morty, attempts to bludgeon him with spikes on a face-mask
    -how did you get from facing opposite directions to where you were? How did you attempt to position yourself for this attack? Use more details
    +
    /

    Attack 4 (+1) moves to shove chest or (spiked) head into Morty
    /
    +
    /

    Defenses (-3/+3): 1.4 (average of the below)
    +, - or / Was the defense understandable? (did the player use directional cues like right and left, was the horse in the right position to make that defense, etc.)
    +, - or / Was the defense reasonable? (did the horse take the appropriate amount of damage given the attack)
    +, - or / Did the damage taken in the defense affect the horse’s decisions/movements adequately?

    Defense 1 (+1) takes off and flies over Morty
    +understandable
    /A total miss here is feasible, but be careful with these; if Morty was kicking out at a bone very close to Klaudius’ body, he’d probably hit him somewhere even as he is going up and over
    /no damage taken

    Defense 2 (0) to bite - kicks up to try and get Morty to let go
    -had to rely on notes to tell me what was happening - partially due to phrasing but also due to use of sentence fragments that were hard to understand
    +
    /

    Defense 3 (0) to kick takes it on his wing
    -Didn’t actually make any defense, or explain how his position would have lessened attack, just took whole kick (?) to wing
    /Maybe, but you didn’t describe the damage well enough for me to be sure
    +says the wing is useless

    Defense 4 (+3) takes kick on chest armor
    +
    +
    +

    Defense 5 (+3) turns to face him head-on and takes bite further up
    +
    +
    +

    Realism (-2/+2): 1  (average of the below, max of 2 as not all elements need to be present in all posts, should include at least 2 elements per post, however)
    +, - or / Were stats taken into account? (if a horse has a Speed stat of 10 versus a Speed stat of 5, you won't be able to outrun them)
    +, - or / Was the landscape used? (if it's raining, the footing will be muddy and effective movement. if it's winter, the ground might be ice covered, etc. these things can be used in attacks/defenses)
    +, - or / Were traits used reasonably and within their limits?
    +, - or / Was there anything in particular that stood out in terms of realism, good or bad?

    Post 1 (+2)
    /acknowledges his size advantage but then doesn’t apply it to attacks
    + gives a feeling of landscape and time
    +good use of wings
    /

    Post 2 (-1)
    /
    +
    -steel is not naturally occuring, and thus falls outside the purview of “natural armor formation”
    -how did he hit his wing hard enough to incapacitate? Given their positioning and height differences, this makes no sense

    Post 3 (+1)
    /
    /
    +
    /


    Creativity (-3/+3): 1.67 (average of the below, max of 3 as not all elements need to be present in all posts, should include at least 3 elements each post, however)
    +, - or / Did the horse give a sense of their emotions/reasons/feelings throughout the battle?
    +, - or / Was the horse’s personality clear throughout the fight?
    +, - or / Were the attacks/defenses creative and interesting?
    +, - or / Was there anything in particular that stood out in terms of creativity, good or bad?

    Post 1 (+2)
    +
    +
    /Defense was good, attacks were pretty standard
    /

    Post 2 (+2)
    +
    +
    /
    /

    Post 3 (+1)
    +
    /
    /
    /

    Grammar (-3/+3): -1 (average from below 3 elements)

    Grammar (-1/+1):
    - Were there grammar issues or typos? If yes, -1. If no, +1 -1
    As the black form barrels straight for him, he holds his ground.  Until the very crucial moment when the stallions body shifts into position to aim a rear-ended kick at him. - sentence fragments
    As the much shorter stallion is swinging around(to present his rear hooves to buck), his wings unfurl as his front limbs push up and rear hunches launch him into the air.  Using one thrust of his wings to lift him faster but should also send him right over top of the dark stallion before him.
    Fragments again; write full sentences or use a comma instead of a period
    Nothing good lasts forever and when teeth are felt along his barrel, his hold loosens as a hind limb kicks upward underneath him.  In attempts to rid himself of the black beasts jaws. - fragments
    Readability: (-1/+1): -1
    - Were the posts easy to understand? If yes, +1. If no, -1
    Powerplaying: (-1/+1): -1
    - Was there powerplaying? If yes, -1. If no, +1
    First post; “Recollecting himself and reassessing Morty's location.  Finding that the stallion had galloped forwards from his last position, when he begins to turn right.” this is powerplaying, you don’t know what he did when you jumped over him

    You both need to be very careful about powerplaying (ANY assuming the other horse did anything they didn’t explicitly say they did). Klaudius took way better/more realistic damages from attacks and wrote more clearly, though be careful about writing clearly and sentence fragments, they make it really hard to read.
    3.32 (sum of above sections):
    #14
    Thanks Devin! Smile












    #15
    YAY! Thanks Devin! I love moving timelines along ;D




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