He knows better than to be this close to others, but like a moth to flame, he can’t help it.
He comes down from the mountains and the trees and the shadows where he does his best to stay away from others and watches. He listens to the sounds of the muted conversation, the sound of the hooves against the leaves, to the sound of bodies slipping by too close for comfort. He tips his antlered head, one wine-red ear flicking in their direction and listens to the sound of them as they live their lives.
As they fight and love and connect.
It causes a dull ache in his chest.
He thinks of Brinly and the fire in her eyes and the ache he felt when he realized he couldn’t touch her and the hurt when he had driven her away. He thinks of Kensa and the crushed gold of her skin and the thunder of his heart and the way he still remembers the way that she tasted. He thinks of his mother and his father, so clear-eyed and wild, and how he still doesn’t know where they are. He thinks of his twin with the soft smile and the armored body and the brave way that she faced the world every day.
He thinks of them all and the way that he has severed each connection.
He thinks and he drowns in the memories, his face hardening with each passing hour.
When night finally comes, he slips from the shadows and moves further into the forest. Winter’s grip is beginning to lesson and he finds that the evening does not have the same bite that it did before. His wings turn to the silver of the moon, reflecting the light back, and then quickly turn to the same color as the moss and the bark around him. It does nothing to camouflage the brilliant red of his coat, but neither does it draw the same attention as the wings had for that moment—a beacon he did not intend to be.
For a second, he thinks he hears the sound of a broken branch and he pauses, angling his head.
He says nothing and doesn’t move, just waits and listens.
BRIGADE
when I was a man I thought it ended when I knew love's perfect ache
but my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake