[open] What if i told you... - Printable Version +- Beqanna (https://beqanna.com/forum) +-- Forum: OOC (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=24) +--- Forum: Archive (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=81) +---- Forum: Field (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=2) +---- Thread: [open] What if i told you... (/showthread.php?tid=28360) |
What if i told you... - Ankou - 11-24-2020 The nightmares come with less triggers. They are always the same – a dead colt, a fleeing filly, and a missing mare. Their names escape me – that must be the way my mind has chosen to protect itself from the irreparable damage I caused myself. I shudder, pulling my useless wings closer to me. If you didn’t look closely, it would appear that I was just exceptionally fat. But if you looked, you would see the vague outline of the wings I have trained to remain at my sides. When I do extend them, which is very, very rarely, you would see they are stunted, miniscule, and absolutely worthless. They were a cause of shame when I was a colt, and so, I trained them to stay at my sides. Looking at the rest of me, you would see a small stallion, standing a giant 14 hands. My fur is thick and lush, even in the summer. That’s what made me such a good match for her. Her name is on the tip of my tongue, but I dare not think it. My ice queen. How I miss her every day. And our twins. I wanted nothing more than to die with them, for certainly that’s what happened. But instead, I am alive. Grieving every moment of every day. As I enter this new place, I am assaulted by the scents of innumerable horses. Mares in heat, stallions reeking of piss and testosterone. New plants caress my senses, and I am curious about this place. Will it become home, like the land before? I could only hope so. With a heavy sigh, I continue to look around, wanting nothing more than to see her face once again, knowing that it would never happen. There was no reprieve for a soul like mine. Maybe one day, I will tell the tale of how I came to be the silent. Everyone has a story to tell, right? Does it still count if you won’t speak about it? Curious. ooc: oh, ffs. forgive me. It's been years since I've done this, and I'm rusty af. :/ RE: What if i told you... - Borderline - 12-03-2020 despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came borderline @[Ankou] RE: What if i told you... - Ankou - 12-05-2020 The day seems to inch along. The sun slowly rising higher and higher before it will begin to set. I am enjoying the scattered sunlight as it falls on me between the trees. I move deeper into the field, away from the trees, and let the heat sink deep into my bones. I am not old, but I feel ancient. Maybe that’s what happens when you lose your only love. I sigh softly and doze on and off, fighting the nightmares that come even in the midst of the day. I see the colt that was as cold as his mother, and the filly that had wings – wonderful, full-sized wings that she was learning to fly with. I heard hooves in the distance, and knew it was my tiny filly, chasing her brother. My eyes opened slowly, expecting to see them, playing tag, or chase, or exploring. As my vision cleared from the dozing, I saw a stranger and another tiny filly. She was, without a doubt, not mine. That didn’t stop the small smile that tugged at the corners of my lips. Children were always a source of enjoyment for me, but not in that creepy way. I loved that they were always curious, always wanting to play and so full of energy. Maybe that was the trick to staying young for so long. Surround yourself with children, and you could live forever. The child approaches first, followed closely by her mother. I watch the mare, hoping she wasn’t up for a fight. I wasn’t much of a fighter. I had scars from times I refused to return blows. Instead of puffing up and trying to fight me, she simply speaks, and my ears perk forward, listening to what she had to say. She seemed just as sad as I felt inside, though perhaps that was just speculation from being alone so long. Borderline and Memorie. I gave a short nod of my head, a simple gesture that said I heard, I understood. I was a man of few words, my voice gravelly on the best of days. You see, I don’t see the point in talking. I mean, if there was something important to say, I would say it, but the useless fluff was…well…useless. There was so much focus on talking, and so little focus on listening, that it was difficult to really know what anyone was saying. But I digress. “Ankou.” It was simple. Two syllables. One word. My name. I was certain that the mare would understand, even if the child didn’t. I gave her a look that I hope was considered “soft.” I wanted her to know that I wasn’t a threat to her or her child, before lowering my head to look at the filly. Were my twins that small? Was she big for her age? Was she normal? It had been so long since I had been this close to a foal that I could feel my heart fluttering. I wanted so badly to nuzzle my own children; but they were gone. As gone as yesterday, or the exploded star. They would not be coming back, and I had to find a way to move past it. I did the only thing I could think of – I smiled at the child. @[Borderline] RE: What if i told you... - Borderline - 12-06-2020 despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came borderline RE: What if i told you... - Ankou - 12-08-2020 What a frightening thought that a child could feel the emotions of adults. They are not meant to – they are meant to chase butterflies, to giggle with their friends, to play chase and tag. They shouldn’t feel the worry, the stress and the worry that we feel. But that is not my concern – as it isn’t something I am aware of. Instead, I notice that they are both very quiet – the silence spanning between us for an eternity. I shuffle absently, wondering if they are staring at my stunted wings that are pulled so closely to my body, that most others miss them. Or do they find me strange? Because I am a black Pegasus? Do they know? Are they aware that I was born of both white parents – both unicorns of all things – and I came out black as sin and with wings? That I never had friends growing up because I was a bad omen, but my mother couldn’t let me starve to death because that would certainly bring doom upon the herd? That I was only fed to prevent them all from dying, and the minute she thought she could wean me, I was kicked out of the herd? Impossible. They couldn’t know that. Moments passed and finally, Borderline spoke, breaking the torrent of worries that flooded my mind. My eyes snapped to her, and I smiled as warmly as I could. I dipped my head in response – hoping she understood that it was a pleasure to meet them both as well. There are several more moments of silence and then Borderline asks what brought me here. I almost felt blindsided by the question – and such a simple one at that. What did bring me here? I thought about it for a short time. I had no idea. I had been wandering since I had lost my Yuki and my twins; since I had lost everything that had ever given me a reason to live. I had been blindly following the stars, hoping to find a blizzard that I could lose myself in, imagining it was her embrace again. ”Life.” It was a fair approximation of what had brought me here. Different circumstances, different paths, different feelings on different days. I breathed a few breaths, hoping to steady my racing heart. It was the memories that got me. Too many, and not enough space to sort through them. I wanted to break down, to scream and rage, to throw myself at the ground, like a child who couldn’t get their way… but what would it help? Instead, I inched closer to the two of them, my head low and curious. Was Memorie interested in a game of chase? I reached out gently and nudged her shoulder (assuming she didn’t move, of course), and bounced back a few steps, a bright grin on my face. Maybe we didn’t have to remember the sad things right now. Maybe we could just play and have friends and ignore the adult world. Was that even ok? I didn’t know, but I knew that if I didn’t change something in my life, things were going to get ugly. @[Borderline] RE: What if i told you... - Borderline - 12-08-2020 despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came borderline |