someone will love you but someone isn't me --


She had hoped that once Ivar disappeared, she would return to herself.

She suspected that it was something about the kelpie man that had kept her trapped inside the maze that was her mind, where she felt like everything was a circle or led to a dead-end. She wishes she could remember how she had arrived at that island, wishes she could remember what had taken place before she ever got there. She has parents, of that she is sure, but why can't she remember them?

There had been an accident, Ivar had told her. An accident that had shaken all of her memories right out of her and all she had now were the new ones -- of Ivar, their children, the island, and the other mares.

She is standing off to the side and watching her youngest explore the banks of the river. Something scratches at the back of her mind, a trapped memory trying to claw past the door it is shut behind. The river meant something, she knows, but she cannot find the key to unlock the door and find out what it was.

She almost does not hear Laurelin's question, even though she is staring directly at him -- through him.

Her gaze focuses on him, though, and she offers him a smile. "Parts of it are safe, yes. Where the water isn't deep, and the rapids aren't strong." She is at his side now, and she reaches down to gently pull at the tufts of his curly baby-mane. "Do you want to get in? We can find a place that is safe for you." Her youngest had not inherited any of his father's aquatic characteristics, and she is almost grateful that Ivar was not around. He held no fondness for any children that did not possess kelpie traits, and he likely would have decided that she was of no use to him anymore.

They would be better off alone, she thinks to herself as she walks along the edge of the river, searching for a place where the water was low and calm.