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i am well aware of the shadows in my heart; rapture - Illum - 06-29-2020 all i want is to flip a switch before something breaks that cannot be fixed He is drawn as he always is back to the place they first met - his place, until she had somehow made it theirs. He doesn’t quite understand how she managed such a feat, but he guesses it almost certainly has something to do with those sad eyes and that cornflower skin, and, most notably, the way her stomach had begun to swell with child. His, she had promised. The idea of being a father fills him with constant wonder and fear, leaves him breathless and nauseous because of all creatures, he should not be in charge of raising a child. He is not a good man like his father, was never able to learn to keep the dark of his shadows from infecting the goodness in his heart. He lets it rot him, lets it fester from within until he is filled and teeming with it. Furious and broken and violent. He knows he will try to be better for this child, just as he knows he will inevitably fail. But it will be okay, because she is so much better than he is. Where he is hard and jagged, she is gentle, all her broken edges as soft as the shade of her eyes and the way her skin is the same blue as flower petals. Where he will teach cruelty, she will almost certainly teach compassion. Love. She believes in it too completely not to. He cannot help but wonder how long she will let him know their child, how long before she can see how easily his dark will infect a young heart. A day, more? Or will she leave before he ever knows what life they made, secret herself someplace far away from him. He is distracted as he wanders onto their beach, and it is the stink of blood and another scent he does not recognize that finally rips him from his troubled reverie. His ears pin, disappearing into the tangle of his mane as his golden eyes sharpen to take in his surroundings. Fury ambushes him, and for the briefest second when he finds Rapture down and quiet, he thinks she must be dead. Taken from him. He snarls, and the sound makes a small shape lift its head beside the blue mare, utterly stealing his breath away. “Rapture?” His voice is oddly quiet as he creeps closer to the tangle of bodies, feeling that organ in his chest seizing with stunned disbelief. The boy is the single most perfect thing he’s ever seen in his entire wretched life. His boy. He takes another step closer, though not close enough to reach out and touch either one, feeling like a monster intruding on a moment of heaven. “Are you well, Rapture?” He asks softly, tearing his gaze from the tiny boy, sightless and so terrifying vulnerable, who snuggles sleepily back in against his mother's side. He is surprised by the feeling of pride that swells in him as he takes her in again, closing the distance to brush his lips over her damp brow. “You did well.” Illum
@[Rapture] RE: i am well aware of the shadows in my heart; rapture - Rapture - 07-17-2020 She would have been shocked to know he believed her better than him. She does not believe it. Would never dare to. In her heart, she knows, without doubt, that there is something terribly wrong with her. Something that withers the edges of her soul, breaking pieces away with subtle surety. One day she doubts she would even recognize herself. Make me a promise that time won't erase us That we were not lost from the start Rapture @[Illum] RE: i am well aware of the shadows in my heart; rapture - lumos - 09-14-2020 i’m just trying to find myself through someone else’s eyes He is small and oblivious as he wakes in a world too bright for him to see a single thing. But he has never known anything more than the lingering dark that lives beyond his sleeping lids, so this does not startle him. It will be once day draws to a close and the dark of night creeps in to kiss his skin, and suddenly things take shape in beyond he never knew existed, that he will feel uncertainty for the first time. Lumos RE: i am well aware of the shadows in my heart; rapture - Illum - 09-14-2020 all i want is to flip a switch before something breaks that cannot be fixed His chest is a knot of every incredulous thought as his attention strays from Rapture to the little boy struggling to his feet beside her. It seems entirely impossible that something this perfect could be any part of him, something so small and so fragile. Had he ever been like that? Had Ilka and Shahrizai looked down at him like they would take on the entire world to keep him safe, to protect him from all the inevitabilities that eventually found him anyway? He thinks they must have, if even someone like him can feel this way. He steps closer to brush his lips of frost over the child, so careful not to knock him sideways now that he seems to finally have his legs somewhat steady beneath him. The sensation makes the boy turn to face him, and he feels a pang of worry when those sightless blue eyes float right past him. Illum inches closer, inhaling sharply against a foreign feeling of fear that wells inside him, threatening to overtake him for just a second. The blue is hardly a blue at all, so pale that it seems almost clear, almost crystalline. His gaze jerks to Rapture, his dark gold eyes full of question and an uncertainty that few others will have ever seen on his face. “Is he-?” He doesn’t finish the question though because the boy makes a sound that at once holds Illum on a tether, pulling him forward until he has him cradled safely against the strange dichotomy of warmth and frost of his chest. His wings fall to enclose him in a cocoon of black and mottled white, his mouth wandering down the crest of his neck and over his shoulders, pausing with a mixture of pride and arrogance over those delicate gossamer wings. “He looks like me.” It is neither question nor statement as he lifts his gaze to Rapture again, clearly pleased by this realization. “He is very handsome.” Arrogance, but it comes with a smile so uncharacteristic for the way it alights even in his eyes, unguarded in this moment they share. “Have you picked a name for him?” Illum
@[Rapture] RE: i am well aware of the shadows in my heart; rapture - Rapture - 10-05-2020 As he struggles to his feet, Rapture cannot seem to help the way she touches him, steadying him until he finds his balance. She does not attempt to find her own feet until he is wrapped in the embrace of his father. Her heart squeezes inside her chest at the sight, and she swiftly blinks back the tears that come. Make me a promise that time won't erase us That we were not lost from the start Rapture @[Illum] |