[private] scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Printable Version +- Beqanna (https://beqanna.com/forum) +-- Forum: Explore (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: The Common Lands (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=72) +---- Forum: Forest (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=73) +---- Thread: [private] scattered into so many pieces, chasity (/showthread.php?tid=26440) |
scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Ryatah - 03-23-2020 she fell for the idea of him and ideas were a dangerous thing to love There was a time when she was so hung up on the Beqanna of old that it was all she could think about. She would linger on the outskirts of the meadow or drift through the shadows of the forest just hoping and praying for a familiar voice, though she knew she would never hear it. Her nights were haunted by thoughts of kingdoms long since turned to dust, and romances and loves that may as well have died with them. Her days, back when her face bore scarred, empty sockets and she knew nothing but darkness, stretched just as endlessly as the nights, and she thinks she would have rather been dead than to keep living as the shell she had turned into. She was alive, she knew because her heart would still twinge in her chest when she missed Skellig, but the numbness that gripped her mind led her to believe otherwise. She has always been foolishly full of hope, though, and so she stayed. She stayed until one by one they began to trickle back to her, lovers and friends alike. And she twined herself around every single one of them, greedy and selfish and too wanting for any kind of love and affection to know when she should stop. She sees her reflection on the glass-like lake of Hyaline almost daily and her throat tightens, because it is not just the outward changes (her impossibly dark eyes that Carnage had given back and the mark he left on her hip, and the soft glow of her halo and the gold-tipped wings that had been granted after that strange journey in the afterlife) but she is so certain that if she could see her heart, she would be disgusted by that, too. How many times, she wonders, can she break it until it shatters – until she damages herself beyond repair, until she is no longer fulfilled by anyone or anything? Would she know just before she delivers that final blow, to give herself time to stop herself, or would she only realize it after the fact? Lost in thought she walks through the forest, hardly paying attention to where she’s going. It’s not until she sees a flicker of pale gray that her mind diverts back to reality, blinking to peer through the sun-dappled shadows, until her eyes lock with hers and her pale lips lift into a smile. “You seem like you’re looking for someone, or, something,” she observes kindly as she draws closer, studying her face for a moment, though she knows it’s unlikely that she would look familiar – she spent well over half her life completely blind, and there were few left where she had ever known their faces. Still, it was a habit; Beqanna had such a strange way of drawing you back, after all. ryatah I'm excited you're back!! So I can't remember if they actually met, they were queens at the same time for a little bit so my guess is they would have at the very least known each other's names, idk. Either way sorry for the rambly starter, I'm bad when left to my own devices <3 RE: scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Chasity - 03-23-2020 How cruel that these lands feel so familiar to her, yet she finds herself lost at every turn. She is like a ghost trapped behind a veil, so tantalisingly close (so far away), unable to reach all that she knew. Sometimes she still thinks she can hear the rush of the cascading waterfalls, though she knows deep down it is only a trick of the wind. It is gone. Her home, her kingdom. Her friends. Her memory. Her mind swirls and blurs and she cannot remember how she found Beqanna again, or what stirred her from her happily ever after. Her consciousness departed some time ago, and returned in the middle of a winding forest. At first, she was excited to find her homelands again, and her heart tingled as she imagined her old kingdom was near. Then came the revelation. And suddenly, it all came down like a tidal wave: first the sadness, then the denial (could it be a bad dream?) and finally, the loneliness. It crashed upon her and swallowed her whole. The forest has been kind to her since then, perhaps in sympathy of her despair. It provides food and water, and safety in the shadows where she can rest her weary mind. She cannot grow comfortable, though. She longs to find a fragment from her old world. There has to be something left. She finds herself searching, hoping, that there is someone who can help her find her way. An angel? Chasity is caught breathless as she happens upon the stranger. She looks like all that is magic and pure, with feathered wings and a golden halo, and a glowing aura that emanates from her snowy white coat. Perhaps she is dreaming after all. The mare smiles when they become close. There is something familiar in her smile that Chasity cannot place, but it brings her an inexplicable sense of comfort. Though the mare’s eyes are endlessly dark, her voice is gentle, and Chasity clings to its warmth. The mare may not have an answer for what is happening to Chasity, but if she has a cure for her loneliness, then she will grasp it with both hands. “I think I just found it,” Chasity responds with a smile. “I’m afraid I don’t know anyone here. At least, not anymore.” She sighs, and the sadness threatens to rise within her again. But the mare’s aura is warm and kind, and as her gold tipped wings glisten in the dappled sunlight, Chasity’s tired mind finds solace. She has always been drawn to all things magical. And so, she gathers herself, and tips her head in a respectful bow. “My name is Chasity. Perhaps you might like to walk with me?” ooc: hello!! I was so excited to see your post! <3 I can't remember either, but I think it's safe to say they crossed paths in some way. PS. sorry for the lack of html and pretty things and I hope it doesn't sound too rusty haha. RE: scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Ryatah - 03-30-2020 she fell for the idea of him and ideas were a dangerous thing to love There is so much of herself – or a past version of herself, at least – that she sees in the gray mare. The ghosts that swim in her eyes, the veil of loneliness that hangs around her like fog; that lingering hope that it isn’t going to last forever. That is what draws her to her more than anything, but it is the feeling of nostalgia that kept her here. It was a difficult thing to place, but there was a kind of magic that seemed to follow those that existed over a hundred years ago. That was a different Beqanna, and though Ryatah was learning to love this new era (a lie – she missed everything about days long gone, it was only because she has filled her life with so many distractions that she is able to exist in a false sort of contentment), she could not help but to look for those that would remember the time before. “I know that feeling,” she says with a short laugh, and a wistful smile. “You’d be surprised, though. No one ever really seems to leave Beqanna. You probably know more than you realize.” The smile turns into a sympathetic one, and as she adjusts her gold-tipped wings she settles in alongside her newfound companion. She is prepared to continue along the path she had been traveling, ready to settle into the easy flow of small talk that accompanied meeting strangers – something she rarely did anymore. But she says her name, and it calls to a long-lost memory that rested forgotten in the back of her mind. “Chasity?” She repeats, testing it on her tongue as if that will help her remember. The name reminds her of forgotten kingdoms and discarded crowns, of valleys and dales and chambers that would never exist again. There is a spark of realization that lights in her eyes, and her smile finds a new radiance when she says, “You were queen of the falls. I remember you.” She laughs again, shaking her head and continuing apologetically, “Ryatah. I was queen of the dale for a time, but I looked much different back then.” She had still been vibrantly porcelain, but with those dark, scarred sockets that kept her from ever being conventionally beautiful; not like now, where beauty radiated from every part of her, but inside, she is sure she’s never been uglier. “Welcome back. You’ll find things are very….different.” ryatah your writing is beautiful, hush <3 RE: scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Chasity - 04-02-2020 CHASITY listen to the birds sing softly. <3 <3 RE: scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Ryatah - 04-12-2020 ryatah I know when you go down all your darkest roads I would have followed all the way to the graveyard She would never grow tired of finding those from the past; relics that made it easy to cling to nostalgia, just another reason for so many of her old wounds to never fully heal. She has never been very good at moving on from anything, and it showed in her willingness to make so many of the same choices (she was hesitant to call them mistakes, most of the time; mistakes hinted at regret, and rarely did she pause long enough for the regret to catch up to her) again and again. Chasity was another link to a time she frequently wished she could get back – or at least, she used to. “I miss a lot of things,” she agrees as they pass through the dapples of shadow and sunlight, and there is a glimmer of sadness in her eyes. “I miss the valley, mostly.” Here she casts her companion a sideways glance, searching for the confusion that statement was often met with. “Many forget I originally lived in the valley, and not the dale. The dale was beautiful, and it shaped so much of me – but it wasn’t home.” There is a twinge inside of her chest as there always is when she thinks of the valley, but she won’t admit it is partially because her most recent memory of the lost kingdom was being tangled with Carnage in the illusion of it that he created. She won’t say that maybe she likes that version best. “The new kingdoms aren’t too bad, though. But they will never be what we had before. Once I learned to accept that, it made it easier.” Truthfully, it mattered little to her what any of the kingdoms did. She had lost interest in political affairs long ago, and though she could still play the role of diplomat if it was asked of her, it wasn’t her ideal way of passing the time. “How have you been, Chasity?” She asks, casting her a cautious glance. She knows the other mare has been gone a long time, and she is not sure if that time spent has been kind to her. Ryatah knew all too well how strange and cruel life – and death – could be, and she also knew not everyone found it as unusually exhilarating as she did. RE: scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Chasity - 04-13-2020 CHASITY listen to the birds sing softly. RE: scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Ryatah - 04-24-2020 ryatah I know when you go down all your darkest roads I would have followed all the way to the graveyard “I came here with Dhumin,” she explains, though she is not sure if Chasity would remember the stallion that eventually went on to rule the valley. “We were together before we came to Beqanna. The valley was his choice, and I just never left it.” She speaks of him lightly, refusing to let her tongue linger over the syllables, afraid that she will be able to taste the memories that lurk just below the surface of her subconscious. She has let her heart tangle with more than most would; she is not careful, and she lets it be toyed with and broken, likes the feel of barbed wire and thorns digging into the tender flesh of it. But no one’s barbs were quite as deep as Dhumin’s. He would always be the first, no matter who came after. And now, he would always be the reason that she had been turned into an angel. She had gone to the afterlife, for him. And she had returned beautiful and changed, but alone. Was she surprised? Not really. She would have followed him anywhere, but of course he would not do the same for her. She doesn’t think much has changed in that regard. There were different men to break her heart now, but the story was still the same. Her dark eyes turn back to her companion with a sympathetic smile when she says she cannot remember much. That is a feeling Ryatah knows well. Anytime she was dead for too long – not the brief punishments dealt by Carnage, but real, timeless death – there was always that unyielding fog that took weeks to shake free of. She isn’t sure if Chasity had died; but it sounds like she did. “It gets easier. Things will start to clear up, and you will find a new normal.” She pauses though when she sees the strange look that crosses her face. Her steps stall, and she reaches to touch her porcelain nose to her neck and ask her gently, “Are you alright?” RE: scattered into so many pieces, chasity - Chasity - 04-30-2020 CHASITY listen to the birds sing softly. |