It is the bated breath of winter that waits at the back of her neck.

She should be sleeping but the hours of night have crept along to the hours of early dawn. The shades of indigo blue lighten as the sun rises, still buried beneath Taiga's winter wood. That frigid chill bares it teeth and sends an icy shiver up her spine. All these years later and she can still remember. The hard, frozen sheen of his green eyes (like shards of ice, sparkling with all that malice and promise of disarray) as he had stared at them with the magic of ice and snow pooling menacingly around them.

Cruelty. Chaos. Discord. That gaze had promised.
Destruction. Ruin. Death.

Run, comes the fierce whisper of the flame next to her.
No, comes the stubborn reply of the girl she had been. 

Lilliana tries not to think of him; she longs for the day when winter will no longer bring the shadow of fear and the trepidation that he was out there, waiting. It had been years since that bleak day by the river but Lilli will never be able to fully believe that Maverick's heir had succumbed to the rage and fury of a winter storm.

There had been a debt owed to him, he'd said. And then his gaze had fallen on her beloved Elaina - the one he had come to collect.

If there is redemption in winter, Lilliana has never found it.
But still, she tries.

In these early morning hours, she slips away from her little grove of trees. They have become as familiar to her now as old friends - a reassuring presence that sheltered her from the brutal bite of the frostbitten air. (Generations of her kin have dwelled in the lush, tropical climate of an ancient valley. Her blood refuses to grow a true winter coat, refuses to bow to the elements so easily and so she shivers against the icy nip of winter.) The world is pale, variations of gray and bleak daybreak as the sun pushes further in its heavenward ascent past the massive redwoods.

The chestnut mare finds herself heading towards the northern part of the woods. The forest has thinned out here, warning that Nerine isn't so far off. She has no desire for the scenic vistas of ocean and granite cliffs or a waiting reprimand. No, Lilli prefers to be alone with thoughts that are no longer just her own. There are flurries of them, thoughts that scatter just like snowflakes from a coming storm. In the face of a gray morning, they fall now and dampen spots along her crimson coat.

She raises her head to study the clouds, wondering about the intensity of the coming storm. Should she head back to her little grove? An ear flicks backward as an unfamiliar scent rolls in the with the nip in the air. Lilliana turns her head, her blue gaze guardedly searching through the trees for its source and deliberately stating, "It's considered poor manners to lurk."

@[Leilan] here ya go. sorry for the awful starter.

You’re uncontrollable
and we are unlovable

The colder seasons are his favourites - autumn strikes a chord with its wetness, its crisp morning sunrises and the color-changing leaves. His bay-based coat and vibrant mane and tail fit in perfectly; but it’s winter he’s adapted to. Extreme temperature drops don’t harm him - this, in fact, is what allowed him to withstand Kora’s magic at the time, allowed them to develop a strange understanding of one another. He would help her find her solitude, without needing her to give up her sense of being, of existing, of being useful. In fact her whispers about what happened on the Isle when people had thought just an icy snowdrift had passed them, had been plenty useful as leader of a place that simply wouldn’t bend to anyone’s will.

In fact his recent move there brought back all kinds of memories. Good ones and bad ones alike. He tried to hold on to his sense of belonging there, of being respected as at the very least an ally for most who ventured there, without having anything to do with politics. Of course, Beqanna politics still ventured everywhere, but it was a nice thought nonetheless.

Moving back ‘home’ from the southern lands now - Loess, the meadow - he wondered if enough people ever visited up there. Winter season was coming, and most would know to stay away from the coldest place in Beqanna. That’s why he ventured south still, even though he was supposed to live in the coldest place. He wasn’t supposed to live his year as a hermit up there as far as he understood it, after all.

Taiga lay conveniently in the way if he travelled any further than Nerine, but he knew who rules the place and avoided it like the Plague. So he travelled around, and was now walking along the northern border, east to west, to take the long swim back to the northernmost ice patches.

The mare had been downwind, and she called out on it long before he caught hers. He did see farther than he smelled or heard nowadays, he mused. Wondered briefly what it would be like to be a shifter instead, and see like a normal horse again - but it’d be better not to dwell on it, he thinks. The fairy might deem his efforts not enough. And she had been right, in a way. He had let ice build around his heart, in order to protect himself from falling for anyone again, from getting as attached as he always would if he let someone in for real. But he found the task of being helpful not that bad to do - perhaps there was a middle way. To get something, he might as well not just take it - seemed short-sighted in retrospect.

He’d done a lot of brooding, as he was prone to do it seemed. But now his icy blue gaze takes up the chestnut mare before him, her form more petite than his in many ways, as he assesses her and her tone. ”It’s also quite rude not to greet a visitor, and to assume someone a lurker rather than a passerby.” is his dry remark.

She smells of the Taigan forest, the mist clinging to her, but there’s also a hint of cold sweat, like one would have when woken from a nightmare - or from seeing him lurk in the dark mist, he reminds himself. He must not forget that he inspires fear in some - there’s more painful and bittersweet memories attached to that thought, but he cannot forget it, ever.

and I don’t want you to think that I care
I never would, I never could again

Leilan

no. 7 | ice forged in fire

Don't.

The word is a single thought - an abrasive one that feels as empty as this corner of the forest. There is an accusation in her tone that she loathes, a familiarity about the places she can feel herself withdrawing into. 

Don't.
Don't be this.

Her memories, like most things she has held dear, are scattered. She has many beautiful, beloved memories that form the bedrock of who she is. But time passes and calls the gales in its wake. She remembers many things and for the most precious of her memories, she clutches them against her heart because Lilli likes to think that those memories might tell her who she is, who she might become.

But sometimes all they bring is doubt. 

Lilliana has never doubted her cousin's love for her. They've tried, multiple times, to let each other go. Lilli had broken her own heart when Elaina had left with Aerwir but it had been buoyed with the knowledge that her cherished cousin would be happy and loved. For Elaina, Lilliana would have blazed Beyond to the last blade of grass if it would have meant her happiness. 

But then Aerwir hadn't been enough and Elaina had been unhappy. (How? she had wanted to ask, how could there still be so much unhappiness in the world?)

And then Elaina had to let Lilli go.
Lilli, who had looked, and only found her failure.

Somehow - the fates, the Winds, Legado's mercy - they found themselves together again in Beqanna. It had made perfect sense (even if finding Elaina in Carnage's country did not) that the universe would want them together. They weren't meant to be without each other.

However fates are fickle creatures, so here she is. Searching for a reason when there is none, trying to find an explanation when there simply isn't one. Here she is, still hoping because otherwise what is her alternative?

But it would seem her doubt, however much she likes to think is collected inward, has been directed outward at a wayward stranger. If she is going to keep pursuing a career as a diplomat, if she ever hopes to achieve the things for Taiga that she wishes, this is not the way forward. 

She can't quite let the tension go around her eyes or the cautious way she stands.  The chestnut gives a soft exhale into the falling snow and there is a ribbon of air that dances from her nostrils, "My apologies." His words are dry, and frankly, she deserves them. Lilli had accused him first and so she lets herself feel the sharpness of them, lets a dagger of guilt twist within her. There is a glimmer of it across her crimson face - the shadow of a grimace against the coming storm. "That was callous of me," she tries with the start of a contrite smile. "So are you visitor or passerby then?"

When she steadies her gaze on him, as she somewhat wearily eyes the ice and scales on him, there is a famililar scent on him that lingers - one of mountain air and crystalline water. One that kindles a spark and whatever apprehension she feels is momentarily forgotten, "You've come from Hyaline?"

@[Leilan] let me know if i need to change anything

You’re uncontrollable
and we are unlovable

She might be… easy. Easy to scare, easy to manipulate, easy to reign over. Easy to mingle with other horses, too. He blinks at her as she goes through several thoughts, each more or less scolding herself some more, some extra, after he did. A change of stance. A sigh. Acceptance, no rebellion. Lacks a certain spark in the first instance they meet.

Prey animal.

The conclusion is instantly drawn. It’s nothing new, nothing she should be ashamed of: lots of horses have this instinct. Mares more easily, as long as they are alone and not with someone they need to protect. The icedrake-male had been with them so long, he knew exactly what signs to look for. Nerine had been full of strong women - but mostly in the way of protecting others, not so much themselves. Had they perhaps evolved that way, he wonders. Group protection. Herds.

But he had been changed and challenged over and over again. Finding himself had not been easy; in the end he’d given up knowing that some events would trigger different emotions and even more different reactions. So, it was a way of existing that not many horses could handle.

Then again he wasn’t fully a horse anymore.
A predator.

As she speaks up, apologizing, he just looks at her blankly, acknowledging that she spoke with a minor nod. Her smile is a little weak, but at least she tries, he supposes. Then asks a few questions. The first one is easy. ”Depends on the length of this meeting.” A twinkle in his colourchanging eye reveals the green tint to be something humorous, although not all pick up on it the first time they see it.

He’s impressive. She’s impressed. Not with beauty, but with the potential danger; iced-over scales, gleaming teeth and eyes, and that in the twilight of the near-dawn. He stands as they both look eachother over, yet tilts his head at her questions about Hyaline. ”Left it just three days ago.” Was that all it took to visit Loess and the meadow? It sounds about right, anyway.

”What’s with Hyaline? You live here in the Taiga, obviously.” he counters.

and I don’t want you to think that I care
I never would, I never could again

Leilan

no. 7 | ice forged in fire

He deems her easy?

Good.

When has anything ever good come out of being interesting? Far better to slip between the cracks, far easier to be dismissed when all someone sees is a kind face and an easy smile. Lilliana's might be a little harder to find at the beginning of winter but she wears it all the same, weak or beaming; it is her armor and she dons it. It has been her shield before and she wears it now to protect herself from the inclement weather as she does from the rest of the world.

Apologetic because despite how much Leilan's... icy exterior brings back memories, as much as it raises her guard, he has done nothing to her and she won't allow herself to cast judgment on him from acts of an Artic demon. While she finds no beauty in winter, she reminds herself of the ultimate magic, of the beauty that is found at the other side of the season: that life awakens and emerges from the frozen ground.

So Lilliana extends a greeting, offers an apology because whatever shadows she has, she will not cast them outward. 

She doesn't miss the twinkle in his eye - if there is one thing Lilliana knows, it is this. The weariness in her expression fades momentarily and the smile turns more into a grin, "I'll try not to keep you long then." If he has no pressing business in Taiga, if there isn't something he needs or is seeking, best that the larger stallion gets on his way she thinks. She dips her head in greeting, "I'm Lilliana, one of Taiga's diplomats. Is there something I can help you with?" Is there a reason why you are on the northern border? she wonders but won't say out loud. "Anybody you're looking for?"

The next words he says causes the breath to hitch in her throat. He reeks of Hyaline and that smell brings forward so many memories.

He tilts his head and Lilliana quips back by angling her chestnut head upward to the towering redwoods, "What gave it away?"

But as she brings it back down, her expression sobers. "One of Kensa's delegates is my cousin." Was, part of her echoes. Lilli feels her chest tighten and her heart aches, railing against the emptiness that Elaina's disappearance has left behind. Worry flickers behind those blue eyes, breaking through like rays of sun against an overcast sky. "Elaina." She shouldn't hope, but she does. "Do you know her?"

@[Leilan]

You’re uncontrollable
and we are unlovable

She seems perceptive to humor - but then, he’d already concluded that she was easygoing. He wonders if it means she’ll sway this way and that, to please another. Please a leader, a lover, or just to keep her friends.

So different from himself; it seems he caused strife whenever he overstayed his welcome. Especially when it came to those that he found weren’t on the same level of humor as he. Lepis comes to mind, but he’d rather not think too much of her lest she appears right before him, and take all the fun out of this meeting.

His tail swishes at that thought, since it coincides with the reddish mare’s question. A quick shake of his head follows. ”Not really. Taiga’s Comtesse and I don’t mix. I really don’t know how Bane survived this long.” He shakes his head, looking at the mare for a reaction. Surely she knows them, or at least knows of them.

”I’m Leilan. Don’t tell her I visited, I suppose. I’m on my way to the Isle, and I did my best not to accidentally meet her.” He yawns lazily indicating he didn’t want to try too hard, teeth glistening in the low light, then shakes his mane. A grin follows when Lilliana asks him what gave it away, but he doesn’t comment on the rhetorical question.

She seems rather interested in Hyaline. He peers at her when she gets a little too excited and interested, then tilts his head at the word cousin. He has cousins all over Beqanna and never kept track of them (because they never cared for him enough to come look either, mostly; not even when he was in Nerine for long enough to be found, on Icicle Isle loud enough to be heard). But Lilliana must have more of a bond with her cousin.

Elaina.

He scrutinizes her, then shakes his head in dismissal. He’d seen her, like he saw everyone in Hyaline who passed through, even if they didn’t notice him as much. Perks of sitting in a high place and having dragon vision. Actually… perhaps this mare had visited Hyaline once or twice too.

He hesitates a moment, could he mess with her a little - but she looks too desperate to think it funny. ”She went to see her grandmother a while ago. Didn’t she tell you she fell ill?” She had, after all, told Kensa why she left. Odd that she hadn’t found the time to go to her cousin if they were as close as he suspected. A thought surfaces, and he tilts his head at the chestnut mare with a suspicion and an emerald gleam in his otherwise blue eyes. ”Don’t tell me you were occupied or something.” To not be found… many a horse who didn’t want to be found was looking for a little privacy… for two.

and I don’t want you to think that I care
I never would, I never could again

Leilan

no. 7 | ice forged in fire

You’re uncontrollable
and we are unlovable

Leilan's not too concerned with Lilliana's disapproving look on his remark - it wouldn't bother him if Bane knew, if Celine knew, or Pteron - all except Lepis might know and there would be not a single problem in the world. Heck, even Aten didn't mind him, if the guy was still around. He hadn't heard of the man moving elsewhere after his being... unseated; so he might be more loyal to the Taiga than Lepis could ever have anticipated.

But that's not what his remark is about. There's a good enough chance that the comtesse will think Lilliana some sort of threat, if she associates with him for too long. - she has a knack for thinking up ghosts that didn't exist prior, he thinks. Some of them even come to life. "Don't say I didn't warn you." is the look she gets in return.

Lilli becomes more distant when he jabs about Elaina not visiting. He knew the mare had been in a hurry when she left, simply from the little time she spent to tell Kensa, and then the speed with which she did leave. He'd never gotten to know her well, so naturally he had not been on her visiting list. Lilli might have been... if she was easy to be found at the time.

He shakes his head at her thank-you. "Thanks for asking, I suppose." It means she isn't as scared of him as she thinks (yes, that's right) and that she doesn't think him a threat to her homeland either. Whether or not he could be, he decides is a subject he won't touch when she utters a little joke at his prompting. A toothy grin follows, an amused look on his face. "I hear Taiga is quite stubborn." he agrees, as if it's about the trees and not it's residents. "So how does this tree-herding work? My usual habitats don't sport many, but it sounds like a skill that would come in handy." he muses, tilting his head at her with a small smile.

and I don’t want you to think that I care
I never would, I never could again

Leilan

no. 7 | ice forged in fire

You’re uncontrollable
and we are unlovable

There’s something about the way she says thank you that makes him feel a little self-conscious - he really hadn’t thought much of it, of telling her about the way Elaina left. His only conclusion can be that they really cared deeply about one another, or at least Lilli did about her friend, cousin she said.

Still, he learns a great deal in that one moment. How his small actions might affect others more greatly than one thinks. That saving a life or helping someone find their way, and even little bits of information like this, could have results far beyond anyone’s vision. That the way anyone feels about another is affected by so many tiny things.

Perhaps he could now become a wise old hermit, he thinks to himself - but he knows that even with the little help he could give anyone, he couldn’t do it in any serious way. Besides, he will get his wandering itch sooner or later. Therefore, he doesn’t think much of the idea, discarding it. In the journey of finding himself again, he just made a huge step in a direction he didn’t know would take him home, before.

All of that passes in a moment - it’s a good thing she doesn’t mind-read, he thinks. Instead, he cocks his head at her when she asks about his vision, and outs a laugh before she is actually finishing her second sentence. ”Oh, far more than excellent I’d say. Only my niece’s surpasses it, I think.” he grins at her, but realizes the inside joke is probably lost to her in the moment, so he explains, switching to heat vision which alters his eye colour drastically: ice blue with perhaps a green teint for the joke, to molten orange - a dragon’s color, or a demon’s perhaps in some worlds - and back to icy aqua blue. ”I’ll find whatever sheep you lost, but Heartfire would probably do it without moving a muscle.”

and I don’t want you to think that I care
I never would, I never could again

Leilan

no. 7 | ice forged in fire