and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.

She has never been very good at fitting inside of borders, makeshift or real. For as long as she could remember she has been a drifter, never bound by love or kingdom loyalties or family; never staying in one place long enough to grow attached. She trusted nothing and no one — her mother had made sure to instill that deeply rooted suspicion and doubt into her, though on accident, she is sure. The jade-eyed, lily-white mare had done little to raise her, treating her as an afterthought, and Starsin had learned at an early age that no one actually wanted to stay. That everyone would leave, eventually.

She learned it was easier if she just left first.

Loess is the closest she has come to finding a home, though it was temporary, she says. She will lose interest soon enough, as she does most things. Her fickle-minded ways were not something she kept a secret, but the kingdom was proving interesting enough, for now, at least. Enough that she has stayed there longer than she ever has anywhere else, but it didn’t completely eradicate the uncomfortable knot that settled deep in her gut.

It is early morning when she reaches the meadow, having awoken before dawn touched the sky. Unable to shake the restlessness from her bones this time, she had come here. The grass was tall, having been flourishing beneath the warmth of the spring sun and the refreshing rains. A sliver of light could be seen on the horizon, though most of the land was still blanketed in a cool, gray veil. The constellations that decorated her sides glowed in the dim light, rippling with the glide of her walk. She has finally grown into all her curves and angles, the lines of her face sharper as she began to shed from youth into a young adult. Still only three years old, but with a body and mind already almost perfected into a weapon. Practice truly did make perfect, she was learning.

She watches them, all of them in the distance, with her cobalt-blue eyes and something almost like a smile settled on her steel gray lips. Silent and patient, waiting to see what today will bring her.

starsin

it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )

and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.

Their childhoods could have almost been mirror images, but Starsin rarely looked back on hers. She remembers her mother, alabaster and jade-eyed, careless and seemingly ignorant to the star-studded filly that fought to keep up with her quick pace. She had lost her mother more times than she could remember, and at first, she didn’t seem to notice how she was never particularly happy about being found, nor did she ever seem concerned at her young daughter having been gone. The cold ache that settled like a rock in her chest when she finally realized Starlust was doing it on purpose was something she would never forget. That was the moment something in her had changed, when something had clicked out of place and was lost forever.

She could have spent her entire life trying to fill that hole, but instead she built a wall around it. There were days that Ophanim almost breached it; when she let her guard down in their quiet moments, when she let his loyal and loving thoughts fill her head and she almost dared to see what would happen if she just gave into him. 

She always thought better of it, for her distrust was larger than her need for love.

When her dark blue eyes land on the golden dragon-girl with the halo floating above her head, she remembers why she never let herself trust anyone.

Perhaps someone weaker than herself would have faltered, would have let the emotion show on their face. She sees the gilded markings, the halo, and something all too familiar in those golden eyes — not the right color, but still, they are what cement her suspicions. If her heart drops through the earth, she doesn’t show it. She is stoic, with a look that could almost be mistaken for boredom so carefully positioned on her poised face, as she answers without really looking at the little girl, “Not all strangers are friendly, little Alita.” The tone of her voice is flat, absent of the honeyed lilt it usually possessed. It would be so easy to grab the nearly newborn by the neck and drag her back to Ophanim, just so she could see the look on his face as he tried to explain himself, but that sounded a lot like hard work, and Starsin wasn’t keen on breaking a sweat today.

Work smarter, not harder.

And so she lets a smile edge across her lips, angling her head to better look at her. She was a pretty little thing, and she is sure she would like her more if she didn’t exist because Ophanim apparently had no self-control, or he was just an incredibly good liar, or both.  “Good thing it’s me you found. I’m Starsin.” Her voice is softer now, dulling the sharpness that she felt, even though she was inwardly still boiling. She glances around, letting her gaze linger across a few of the faces that drifted nearby. “Where’s your mom?” She felt like she knew the kind Ophanim would go for — someone doe-eyed and sweet, someone completely opposite of her. Her simmering stare settled on every female face nearby, as she struggles to ignore the ever mounting heat of betrayal that continued to rise.

starsin

it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )

and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.

It is difficult, but she smothers her fury. The young girl before her is a physical reminder that she had been played for a fool; perhaps not on purpose, because she had thoroughly read Ophanim’s mind a million and one times, and he had never given any indicator of being manipulative. But as she stood here, staring at the golden-eyed manifestation of what she could only call betrayal, she found herself thinking back on every single mildly suspicious thought he had ever had. When he had been worrying over mistakes, but she had never been able to figure out what he meant by that. They didn’t have faces or names, and now she realizes they should have. She should have pried harder, shouldn’t have allowed herself to be hypnotized by his quiet touches and adoring thoughts. She looked so stupid, and it infuriates her, and it’s all she can do to swallow it down.

It is difficult – but she manages.

“I suppose you wouldn’t have much to fear, would you.” It is not spoken as a question, but a statement, in response to the flash of sharp teeth. Starsin was still infinitely foolish in many ways. She hadn’t learned to fear the physical capabilities of others, and Alita is no different. She did, however, have a healthy respect for it, and she knew a useful tool when she saw one. She watched her, much in the same way she had first looked at Vulgaris, or Litotes, and even Castile.

But even more so than her usual games and manipulation, there was also an incredibly selfish part of her that wanted to keep this part of Ophanim that he had given away so freely, so carelessly. As if she somehow thought that bringing her back to Loess would ease the sting. “You can come with me to Loess, if you want.” Her words are still soft, and here she reaches to just lightly brush her lips atop the girl’s golden head. She pauses for a moment, before offering her in a voice so delicate that it betrays the weight that the words carry, “Your father lives there. I’m sure he’d love to meet you.”

starsin

it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )