He can’t afford letting her out of sight. And yet she tries so hard to. Did the universe want to punish him like this? Make him feel like killing himself, then bring him back to raise a daughter, only to watch her die at her own stupidity?

Jaw clenched, he watches her back more than he ever watches any other thing on her - she ignores him, and she turns out to be as stupid and stubborn as himself. Ugh. He paces, wondering what Briseis would have done. Probably nothing. Apathically let the girl make her own mistakes and if she died nobody would ever be the wiser.

Perhaps she should never have told him about his daughter. She’d been such a perfect little thing, of course she’d never stay that way. Now she just... he just doesn’t know any more. Not someone he remembers, for sure.

His own mother would say not to intervene. But how did her children turn out without her? Like him, for one. He never intended to sire someone so exactly... stupid like himself. But here she was. Thinking all the worst things of her father, just because he wanted to keep her from making his exact mistakes again. Was that all for nothing? Nobody to learn from it but himself and then as a reward, watch others do the same thing?

He snorts. ”This is stupid.” he mutters to himself. Then, before he can change his mind again, he walks straight up to her. ”Chryseis.” he says. His tone doesn’t reveal anything much, but at least it should be clear he’s not as mad as he was earlier when he told her that she would be grounded.

He can’t do anything right, at least not right away. First of all, technically, she shouldn’t even exist. Of course, that thought left a strange taste in his mouth, and then some. Ophanim shouldn’t exist, even though, with Jenova not really caring much, he was the least to worry about. Thorgal definitely shouldn’t exist. And Naia... where would he even begin to explain.

Second, he probably shouldn’t have brought her to Nerine to live here. In fact he should not have visited that day when she was just a yearling, tempt her with his stupid ideas and stories of roaming the world and getting nearly eaten by a kelpie. He should have let her grow up with her mother, and then her having a boyfriend would not have been known to him either but at least Briseis might have known about it, and he’d have to trust her judgement.

And, of course, he should have seen this coming and not overreact to the boy’s existence. It had been the compilation of information - the fact that she had been marked and claimed not just by the boy but also by a kelpie male; the very one that never met with anyone in Ischia but who’s suddenly appearing daughter proved that he had in fact one or more mares out there that nobody ever saw. Of course, Leilan made the assumption that one so overly-attractive to the other sex, had more than one mare. The fact that nobody in Ischia had known about them however, really was the scary part. Naturally, he did not want his carefree daughter to suffer that fate.

Had she delivered the news of Rhaegor some other time, preferably before she had had a bunch of teeth in her shoulder, he might not have panicked. But what’s done is done, he’ll always be a brash idiot acting on emotion. Just like she.

Which was why he was so stupid - of course she would hate him for grounding her; he would too. And she would out of spite, search out Rhae. And who knows what else she would do. At any rate, it’s no solution.

The root of the problem lies with himself - he’s caused her to exist and then caused her to be too much like himself, and now he’s caused her to be angry with him. Great. Good parenting, Leilan. The realization had come a little too slowly this time (unlike when they first met, instinctively avoiding the word ‘no’ - damn, but even the happy memory was now tainted). Numb now, the last of his anger directed at himself, he had called. And seen the damage. A hesitant girl in front of him.

Deflated and blue, he just looks at her a while. Wondering where to start. The beginning maybe? Yes. Perhaps she’ll learn something after all. ”I shouldn’t have yelled. Of course it has the opposite effect.” he sighs. Then, with no other way he can think of to force her to learn about the world (too early! Or too late?), to learn from his mistakes instead of repeating history. He forces out the one question. ”Where do you think you came from, Farfalle?” Darling butterfly, you’ll get hurt out there. And pregnant. And lost. I don’t want any of that for you.

But he had already lost his daughter, in a sense. The only thing he can do now is tell this new young woman who came in her stead, why she must be careful where boys were considered.

He’s dreading. Stalling. He could have told her right away but had thought perhaps her drawing her own conclusion was better, but... she just didn’t understand. So naive and innocent? Perhaps. He knows, she knows, something must have happened when she was with Rhaegor however. She wouldn’t have told hime that they “didn’t do anything?” otherwise.

Yet.

It was a matter of time and for that, before that, she had to know what could happen if she laid down with a boy. Her being the girl in that situation, she might make his mistakes indeed - and worst case end up like Noori (though that was unlikely, but still the point was she would be the one bearing the consequences whil he himself had taken nothing with him after being with her mother. And others.)

He grimaces a bit, before forcing himself to get to the point. A lecture it would be then - not something she was used to from him, he’d bet. ”That you did.”

A sigh. A pointed stare. Dark blue. ”You exist because your mother had nightmares and ran away. You exist because I provided her a fake safe place, so that I would feel better. You came from a single night of lust and me exploiting her fears and dropping her like a stone off a cliff just the day after. Thát’s where you came from. And you know what? Had I found another the next day you would have had more siblings than you do now. I did it again and again and again,” three times for three more siblings. ” and I didn’t stop until I came back home to Nerine. That’s what I did. That’s what most boys do, but we walk away without consequences. It’s the girls we leave behind that get pregnant, have babies, and need to raise them. It’s the girls who get the troubles from a one-night-stand, Chryseis. Or even from just breaking up. Until you’re certain about your boyfriend being otherwise, I need you to be more careful. You can’t go repeating my mistakes without consequences.” A huff follows. ”You should never have existed, and neither should half your siblings.”

There. Let her have it.

”So if you must go and be an adult, then just go.”
And let that be the end of it. Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you. He can’t protect her. Rhaegor can’t either, like he’d told him in not so many words. But if they want to be adults, then he’ll have nothing to do with it.

Detachment was much safer.

He stands icy still. Listens to the wave of words - to realize they’re the right words. Adult words, not naive ones like the question she had asked before. Good. He’d forced her to grow up.

She takes steps back, tells him how he hurts her. He doesn’t move, the only indication of something happening is the change in eye colour from the deep dark blue back to an icy colour - pulling out, away. He doesn’t belong in her life. She shouldn’t even love him simply because of the fact they are blood-related. But maybe in time, she’ll let go some more.

When she’s gone, he finally says something, for no-one to hear. ”Good. Get away, and live.” Soft words that she’ll never know about - it’s probably for the best that she’ll never know that this last time, he did it on purpose.

So she wouldn’t linger.