Standing by the waves, he watches as the sun lowers in the sky. Summer solstice has ended some time ago, but to him it feels like an eclipse. Perhaps that was only just for him, though. He's flipping sides like a coin dropped on the floor, dancing and turning with every time it hit something.


It would be better if he were the same as he was last winter - blissfully unaware of Chryseis (not that he didn't love her), still hoping things with Breckin might turn out, that she would come to see him the next time he'd almost-make-it to Nerine. Instead, there had been Jenova back then. Roseen in spring. Thalassa just a few weeks ago, early summer.

One fore every season, he supposed. Crazy as that turned out to be, he did not regret anything about his advances with them, and at this point did not think they would either. He wonders if she would still want to visit him though - Jenova promised, but it was almost 9 months ago that she did, so she might not turn up here at all. Some things just fade with time - Khalani, Rey, Marmalade - well shut up, stupid head.

Sometimes you just have to wait and see.

There's things that fade, and some that last long enough. Thalassa was one. Roseen, too, and Jenova also fit that bill. An angel, a rose, and a sky fairy, to distract him from the dove. If he was fair to himself, it was sad, and, sometimes his face portrayed just that. But most of the time he was angry at himself. Regret was an emotion he'd thought he knew, but his angry lashing out at Breckin had him realize that what he'd regretted before was only about 10% of the emotion he felt now.

But such things were subject to change over time, also. With days and weeks passing, he more or less knew what he wanted, and that for the life of him he could not get what he wanted. So he went with the second best thing. Chryseis was another love of his, and to be frank, much more accessible and one that did not resent him. The love he felt for her was different, more natural, and most of all, not someone that would likely reject him.

Why not have more of that?

Substitutes, he's looking for substitutes. He knows this, Thal seemed to be on to it, but he neglected talking to her about it. Roseen seemed to maybe know it, although maybe she really did think she could change him. An Jen? He did think she was oblivious last time, but maybe he would have changed enough for her to notice something was off. But such a naive young mare - so easily manipulated, and, to be fair, not shy to the touch.

There were worse things in the world than thinking of her and wondering what she might do if he did advance. What her wings had felt like on his skin. He'd want that again; such a pretty little thing, and he could use a pretty little fling.

He knows he's going to try for more sometime in the future. If not her, then anybody else. But as if thoughts could summon, one of those mares was just about on top of him - "Jen!" His expression lifts - not fully, not enough, but close. "I guess you could keep me company maybe. Did you come to see the island?"

He's an idiot. She's an idiot too, or, maybe just naive. He knows naive now when he sees it - he was like that, once. Thinking his actions had little consequences - but there's one consequence walking the earth now, a blue roan girl with a golden blaze. He loves her, the one little light he has left in his life.

Or, one... should he say, Jenova is another spark. Perhaps he could light it into a bright flame, or at least he will try. Maybe she burns up after that, but he cannot find it in himself to actually care. Because he needs a getaway, and he needs not to think of where his true interests lie. This is what she made of him, or he made himself under her influence (but he likes to lay the blame somewhere else for now) - calculating, deliberately up to mischief, a no-good heartbreaker with a broken heart. Doing exactly this to the others he meets, he knows - but to heal a part of himself, and he can't help it. Or at least doesn't have the energy to put up a fight with himself over it.

She's a bright one, at least, bright enough not to bring up the shadows behind his eyes. Instead, she tries to cheer him up, and he smiles at her, for isn't she sweet just to try? She brings up forever, but he's not sure he wants that - if he can handle that. But he doesn't want to ruin her day and say he's just looking for a temporary fix every now and then (he's quite sure he'd ruin her completely if he stayed with her too long). But still... "I really appreciate your company, Jenny. You're such a cute little fairy." he compliments, or well - it should be taken as a compliment, but he knows that it also means that he will probably ruin that cuteness. Three - two - one...

He only subconsciously seems to pick up her longing for contact, at first that is. She steps a little closer, and he does too, stretching out his nose to breath in her scent and returning his head just after. He wants her close, he wants to feel someone's body close to his. Her voice grows honey-thick, smearing it across his ears as it were, and he knows where this would probably lead to. But not yet - her words register, and he smiles at her warmly. "I think I know just the thing." This island is full of surprises - small coves by the sea to hide in, or the one behind the waterfall. Last time he checked Deiti wasn't there, so, perhaps he could show her the waterfall and if the kelpie is in the water take her to a coastal cave, and if not, go behind. It's almost so not like him to lay out a plan to seclude the girl and find a place to seduce her; but then, at the moment, it is. Somewhere, something inside is broken, and it doesn't care for her feelings it seems.

Though, he must say, she is willing. Pressing up to his body, sharing her heat. His breath stops, and suddenly he's done calculating, done thinking about anything else than her, and the fact is that he wants her. He noses the back of her head, at the base where her neck starts, breaths softly unto her jawline.

But not here. Not out in the open. His voice is barely a whisper against her sky-blue neck as he finds the words and the strength to pull away from her softness - for now. A temporary break of contact which will be settled soon enough. "I know just the place." To hide. To take. And perhaps he can give her something in return.

Her body language is saying different things than her mind does, but to him, that's all she needs to say. Love has nothing to do with it, not the true kind that might have kept him from acting out, if he didn't think his chances were already ruined. If he hadn't been so angry. If she hadn't been so impossibly cute and distant at the same time.

Who he's thinking about when he caresses the white parts of the mare before him, he is not entirely sure. But her wordless actions are a promise, and although he doesn't want to take it all right away, like before, he knows he will still have it in the end - today.

And so he leads her away, over the white beaches, towards the more rocky parts of the island. He brings her where he knows no-one else cares to go look for strangers, where her colour won't stand out so much - they don't make it to the waterfall today, because when he goes in that direction, there's another on his mind. No, he goes to the eastern side of the island, and shows her the bays; crossing once, crossing two of those, because he knows they might get visitors there.

He shows her around until a sandy beach leads up to a sheltered cove that smells of seaweed but nothing more. No other horses, no other animals. He softly teases Jenova's now-salty mane, and mumbles against her ear. "Wanna see what's inside?" A small, clear brackish lake - illuminated only by the sun coming through the entrance. But most of all, they will be there together, and they will be there alone. It'd be awful if he thought about it, but he cannot find the part inside himself that should care.

All he cares about right now is to claim her, briefly for himself, just for this season, just for this day. It's different than it was with Briseis, their one-time union born of lust and opportunity - now he's creating such a moment intentionally, and it turns out, it's not that different after all.

And even though he only wants her shortly, he wants all of her.