Beqanna
i am taking life day by day, or year by year - Printable Version

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i am taking life day by day, or year by year - Dalten - 06-09-2015

I am alone here, now. Not really, that is a lie. But I feel alone. I feel as though I could be doing something more, something more purposeful, but I am not. For a year I have hidden myself in the shadows of my jungle-mothers; I guess you could say the quiet atmosphere was nice. I liked waking to exotic birds, bright colours, and other child-like stimulates. I enjoyed being by myself, growing, becoming useful.

But now that I am useful, I just feel… Empty?

I feel almost.. bad… that my mother hasn’t seen me much and when she has it wasn’t for long. I feel like a disappointment, a burden, maybe an ungrateful child and perhaps I am. So that is why today, for some odd and unknown reason, I have ventured outside the comfort of my own corner and decided to find her—speak with her—and really actually enjoy it.

You can only be alone for so long before you actually long the thrill of company.

The Jungle is my home, I am a brother of the united sisters and a son in most eyes. They appreciate men here unlike what many others believe; it isn’t the sexist place I am sure it once was. Here I feel more mothered than probably anywhere else, even if it isn’t always from Lagertha, others pitch in as well. They do their part in being passionate for every living and breathing thing that resides in their border.

I see her. I feel timid approaching her, seeking her out when she most likely least expected it. I want to do something for her—be something that she can actually enjoy. I don’t want to be a failure, or lazy, I want to be great and prove her right.

“Hi, mom,” I say in an awkward tongue, my voice slightly hoarse from lack of use and suddenly sounds deeper even in my ears. I am becoming a man day by day, still a year to go but yet a year really isn’t too far away. Enough time for me to grow, enough time for me to learn. Maybe, even, enough time for me to see my father.

OOC: Thanks for being unbelievably patient Sarah. Tried to give you the freedom to mold what has happened in the past year, hope this post isn't too awful o.o.

RE: i am taking life day by day, or year by year - Lagertha - 06-11-2015

this will never end, ‘cause i want more, more, give me more
When it comes to her one and only son, Lagertha’s primary worry (and worry is a loose word… more like concern) was that it would seem that she is not a very good parent. That she had failed to mold her offspring into someone successful. That her son would not be better than Scorch’s daughter. She felt even more foolish, to have hinged some bets on whether or not another living (thinking, breathing) being would live up to the expectations it had been born into.

Trust no one but yourself.

Dalten finds her in the morning, when the light begins to filter through the dense canopy and she is breaking her fast. He is unexpected, and Lagertha finds herself trying not to look at him as if he were a stranger, but her own flesh and blood. Mom. The corners of her lips twitch briefly into a slight grin, and then fall flat again. She should berate him, or perhaps even worse, give him the cold shoulder. Something to show her immense displeasure at his disappearance. But the tone of his voice, the timidity, the in his gaze and step tell her that he is already… somewhat ashamed of his behavior.

So be it. The worst sense of guilt often comes from ourselves.

“Dalten,” she says simply. “Ready to join the real world?”

She knows there are some magical and immortal folk that can fall asleep in the Jungle for decades and wake and still be exactly the same. He does not have that luxury. He is the son of a King and a General, and his father is expecting her to fulfill her end of the bargain sometime soon.

lagertha
carnage x grim reaper; amazonian general


[do you want to go ahead and say that he already met Tiphon, ever so briefly? Since that thread was started at some point Smile The rest... eh, make it up as we go?]

RE: i am taking life day by day, or year by year - Jet - 06-16-2015

I wonder what she thinks of me, truly I do. I wonder if she looks at me with a bit of disgrace, her only son being what I am. I am a misfit in my own mind, oddly placed, a little uneven in how I act, but yet here I am the child of two very powerful minds. Perhaps with growth my odd behavior will begin to shape into some mega-man. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so insecure of my mother’s true feelings; maybe then I wouldn’t feel so damn naked beneath her gaze.

I watch as she lifts her head, and I realize how much I missed being within reach of her sweet scent. She is unrefined to others—intimidating to most—but to me she is a parent, a loving one at that, and I cannot say the same for the majority of Beqannian mares. Lagertha, a warrior, an amazon, my reliable source of life. And how have I repayed her? By a year of solitude.

“If by real world you mean something beyond monkeys and daffodils, then yes, maybe I am,” I lower my head to sniff the grass that is beneath me. I must say, a positive to being hidden in a place no one else travels is the grass that remains untrampled. Whereas here, underneath my black hooves and currently rolling between my mothers jaw is the grass that has seen many frog’s from the hooves, and dirt from well worked Amazonians.

My heart feels thick with pressure from things I don’t quite understand yet—if that makes sense to you at all. I am pressured with living up to her expectations even though I never really asked what those were. I am pressured to follow in my father’s footsteps even though I am not entirely sure how, or when. I am pressured to be a child worthy of comparison, a child they call their best, most productive and most motivated child. The one they say “well, he started off poorly, but he did evolve into such an amazing son,” regardless of my poor beginning.

I like to live within fantasy, this “real world” as she called it is slightly more displeasing.

“Not entirely sure where to start though, mom.” Is what I manage to squeak out finally, a little less confident and maybe more so intimidated. Such a big world I live in, and such little direction on where to go.


OOC: Yep, don't mind that at all Smile

RE: i am taking life day by day, or year by year - Lagertha - 06-26-2015

this will never end, ‘cause i want more, more, give me more
The thing about Lagertha is that she is open to having her mind changed, until a certain point, and then she is as stubborn as a rock and refuses to budge. Her disappointment in Dalten is evident, but if he is anything like her, he will use it to make himself better. She had a legacy and a very powerful legend to follow. Hopefully he would as well.

“Yes,” she begins crisply, “something more than the Jungle and something more than me.” She pauses and reaches out to gently touch her nose against his neck in a motherly fashion. It is a quick moment of love, but its brevity means nothing more than that she feels they have little time to waste. All is somewhat forgiven, with a caveat. And yes, there’s always a caveat with Lagertha.

“Let’s start with my family. So you know why I am who I am and do what I do, and why I have asked so much of you, my firstborn.” She fixes him with a level and frank gaze. Her mommy issues are about to come out, and in this she is very much like Scorch. “My dam was the third Queen of the Amazons, back when Beqanna was new. She was a fierce, respected warrior Queen, and from her came a whole line of Queens and Kings. My half-sister was and Amazon Queen, as were her children. My brothers, a King of the Valley and one of the most notorious stallions Beqanna has ever known. My nieces and nephews have been rulers. And I am the last child of a great mare who told me not to fuck it up. So now I am telling you… just don’t fuck up, ok?”  

She chuckles now, because those are such very broad instructions. The irony is not lost on her. “So. Tell me what you’re thinking and where might be a good starting point.” This is where she begins to teach him how to stand alone and think for himself. She cannot and will not give him all the answers.

lagertha
carnage x grim reaper; amazonian general