![]() |
i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - Printable Version +- Beqanna (https://beqanna.com/forum) +-- Forum: OOC (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=24) +--- Forum: Archive (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=81) +---- Forum: Lands (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=98) +----- Forum: Tephra (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=85) +----- Thread: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus (/showthread.php?tid=13433) Pages:
1
2
|
i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - Ellyse - 02-17-2017 your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. i don't love you, but i always will. A long, weary sigh echoes, or at least it seems to. The sound of rustling wheat is almost deafening, and she succumbs to the white noise, her heavy lashes and eyelids hiding her hazel eyes from the merciless light. The once perfectly preened white feathers flutter as the soft updraft of air weaves its way beneath her wings, stirring her from her silent reverie. Restless. She had become restless, longing for something more than the stagnant, hot heat and long, dull hours wasted in silent thought. She was anything but diplomatic – her sharp wit and biting tongue would hardly forge alliances, and so she shied away from the idea of extending herself beyond the border, but she was undeniably bored and growing agitated with her own indolence. The time had come to rise from the ashes; to move away from the shadows. She had grown tired of her own complacency and in turn, she had grown irate with the contentment of others. There was much to be done, and too much time had gone by. Finally, her long, fluid legs shift, carrying her forward, her bright hazel eyes searching the wavering horizon for a familiar face. Her stomach felt uncomfortably tight and taut, but there was no use in hiding away from the painful and obvious fissure that had grown and festered between she and her superior (though he had never treated her as anything but her equal). She could not elude his presence for much longer, and though she had hidden away to shield her own heart, to fortify it and calcify it, she knew it would do her no good. He was the father of her children; one of her closest companions. One of the few who not only understood her, but accepted her, wholly. She could not allow her heart to get in the way any longer. It was foolish, to allow herself to become so vulnerable, to permit her heart to become so weak when she had known all too well that his own was fragmented and defective. It had been a fools’ errand, but she had brought it all unto herself. Perhaps that is what infuriates her most – but the rage never lingered long. Without him, she would not have any stability at all. Without him, she would not have her daughter or son, a thought she simply cannot bear to even entertain. Quietly, gently, her shoulder brushes against his, her hazel eyes averting away from his own as her gaze peers across the plain. A soft sigh passes her whiskered lips, her wings tightly coiled to her sides as the feathers brush gently against the solid mass of his muscled physique. ”Tell me. Alliances – have we forged any?” Ellyse murmurs, her voice meant only for him. ”I would like to assemble some semblance of an army, Magnus. With alliances, come enemies. We need to be more prepared, and I need to know what I have to work with. Perhaps I can set up mock battles; perhaps teach the basic principles of battle. What are your thoughts?” Ellyse RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - magnus - 02-17-2017 ![]() out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - Ellyse - 02-18-2017 your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. i don't love you, but i always will. The corners of her lips twist into the faintest uptick of a sneer, her breath caught within her throat as her heavy eyelashes fall, shielding her hazel eyes. She turns her cheek away from him, drawing her skin away from his roving mouth, but still he finds her, and she cannot will herself to turn away again (and she does not know if she would ever want to). His words, though light and taunting, scald her with their fervor as something smolders within the darkened tone of his voice, rumbling against her skin, reverberating through her bone. ”Aren’t you lucky?” She murmurs dangerously, the heavy flames that pool and burn in the pit of her belly evident in her biting words – the façade of indifference faltering as her own eyes meet with his. The air, previously wrought with white-hot heat, crackles with electricity and tension. Her eyes search, the golden flecks along the outer rim of his iris entrancing her, but then the fierce inferno soon nothing but a flickering ember. Seamlessly, the emotion that had been previously apparent in his gaze dissipated, hardening into something indescribable and detached, leaving her feeling cold and empty in the aftermath. An onslaught of emotions unexpectedly overwhelms her, wrought with disappointment, anger, longing, and shame. She had always kept her sentiments hidden away under lock and key with anyone else, stoic in one moment, and at times a blinding fury of taunting remarks and scathing words – but with him, with him, she too easily came undone, and he unraveled her with such little effort. Though she had attempted again to steel herself away from him, the emotions she’d so carefully tucked away were beginning to pool at the surface. His voice is even and neutral, the gentle warmth gone, leaving behind a frigid frost that makes her own blood to turn cold. His words carry little emotion, bordering on dismissive and it takes every fiber of her being to contain the surge of fury that threatens to burst forth from the seams. The temptation to lash out, to strike him is nearly insatiable, but she suffocates the urge, though her muscles tremble from the effort. Is there anything else you need from me? She realizes that there had been more spoken in the moments before, but she hadn’t noticed, nor had she listened. The words were empty and useless; nothing but a blank and emotionless slew of syllables that meant little and nothing in comparison to what was left unspoken. He has pulled himself away, leaving a grievous wound in his wake, her chest heaving with shallow breaths as she struggles to maintain some semblance of self-control – but soon, she is collapsing, her resolve crumbling away into dust as her own eyes become filled with furious unshed tears. ”Hot and cold,” she murmurs, her voice unsteady and uneven, though her hazel eyes no longer seek to avoid his own – she bores into him, flickering green meeting with flecks of golden light, unbending and steadfast. ”isn’t that always the way, Magnus? A constant struggle between sating the natural urges while suppressing the heart.” Though seemingly poetic, there is no mistaking the biting edge to her words. A delicately woven insult. ”Useful when you see fit to sate those urges, but always kept at a distance – always kept at bay.” She muses now, the strength returning in her tone as it rises several decibels, her gaze never leaving his. ”Do not insult me by cloaking your words with diplomacy – your actions speak louder.” Her skin still burns where his teeth had gripped her possessively. Her voice wavers again, though she swallows the wretched emotion that rises again within her throat (but she cannot quell the tears that spill over, staining her golden skin). Finally, a lie. ”I need nothing from you.” Ellyse RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - magnus - 02-18-2017 ![]() out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - Ellyse - 02-18-2017 your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. i don't love you, but i always will. His own words are blistering and scornful, and he is angry – he is furious. It is a dawning revelation that selfishly appeases her deepest, darkest insecurities. He is no longer reserved, or feigning indifference, which is what infuriates and wounds her most. His touch had been inundated with heat and hunger, only to be vacant and devoid of any semblance of emotion moments later, leaving her festering with yearning, loneliness and insecurity – a fate crueler than death. Her heart had always been fiercely guarded, intricately wrapped in barbed wire and iron, and yet little else could unravel her the way his apathy could. Each of his words are now laced with arsenic, unabashedly truthful and brutally honest – but it is not his words that stir the inevitable ache within her chest. The line of her jaw clenches, taut with tension as he averts his own gaze, attempting to piece himself together – wrought with anguish and frustration, and the pang of regret stirs yet again within the pit of her hollow belly. She had never thought of him as her own. She would be foolish to - he is but a broken, hollowed out shell of a former self, wounded by loss, ravaged by war – he had nothing left to give, he had told her so many times before – yet she knew otherwise. It is not a jealous heart that causes such discontent within her (if he should seek comfort with another, far be it for her to stop him), but a longing to see the fragmented pieces of his soul, to be let in beyond the brief, passion-laced moments of his fallen guard in the aftermath of copulation. ”It was never you,” she whispered softly, her voice unsteady as she closes her eyelids tightly, her heart weary but pounding still inside of her chest. ”it was me. You haven’t broken anything – I have.” The confession is heavy, yet she still feels like a caged bird, confined by her own insecurities and frustration. His agony becomes her own, bearing down on her heart with the weight of a thousand suns, and the dull ache in her chest reminds her that she alone is the cause. Gently, she reaches out, her whiskered lips brushing against the hardened, rigid line of his jaw, but she recoils moments after as if she’d been burned. ”I kept away because I cannot stand it any longer, Magnus – the uncertainty. My heart cannot take it. I am who I am; I am what I am – unashamedly. I have never presented myself to be anything but what I am, but you – you.” Laughter, dry and without humor, echoes in the thick, heavy air, as her weary gaze tiredly observes the way his golden skin fades into mottled blemishes. ”One moment, you allow me to see you – what lies within, your deepest secrets, and in the next moment – you are a complete stranger and I wonder if I know you at all.” ”It feels as if I am in love with a figment of my own imagination, Magnus,” she murmurs, her voice quivering still, a resolute sadness reaching the depths of her darkening gaze as her heart threatens to burst from her chest as her eyes well with tears yet again. ”I have never asked for anything more than you, as you are. To know all of you. If you cannot give that to me ..” Then there is nothing to be had at all. Ellyse RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - magnus - 02-18-2017 ![]() out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - Ellyse - 02-18-2017 your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. i don't love you, but i always will. A warmth spreads through the broadness of her chest as his cheek turns to her, seeking her touch, the white-hot ferocity of his anger dissipating into weary fatigue, his heart and mind splayed open before her. Gently, her whiskered lips touch his jaw again, traveling the familiar trail of bone and sinewy muscle to the ridge of his neck, the warmth of her breath lingering there as his throat rumbles with emotion and little else. As turmoil thunders beneath the surface of his skin, her lips place light kisses along the ridge, an unspoken apology lingering in each one. A shaky sigh spread across the length of his neck as her forehead rests for a long moment against him, the heavy scent of sweat and musk leaving her light-headed and breathless. Her own heart had become selfish, mangled and wrung with a longing she could not satiate, but the warmth of his body so near to her own is her only reprieve. She has always known he is a broken thing, pieced together with delicate, fragile threading, yet it has only drawn her closer to him, like a moth to a flickering flame. The irony is not lost on her; her own father is every bit a moth as he is equine – and though she has not inherited his complex compound sight, or his feathery antennae, or even his thin, translucent wings, there is a part of her that wonders what small piece of her is so inherently broken beyond repair that she cannot resist the proverbial fire burning inside of him. A shuddering breath emerges from her tired lungs as her skin parts from his own, her gaze shielded by her heavy eyelashes as her chin tucks close to her chest, but she is not without his touch for long. His voice reverberates through her bones, settling somewhere deep within the casing of her marrow, raw with emotion, unraveling her at once all over again. Her deep hazel eyes meet with his, a moment of intensity shared – both bent, verging on the edge of shattering, vulnerable and weak. ”Tell me what you have lost,” she murmurs, her shoulder pressing against his as her neck tucked itself beneath the crook of his jaw, listening to the faint thundering of his beating heart. ”the names that you call out in your sleep.” She would never tell him that his guard falters in the dead of night while he rests, nestled beneath the stars while flush against her own body. Too often, his handsome face contorts with some undiscernible emotion – the golden hair matted with the salty brine of his tears, which she washes away with a gentle touch to lull the demons stirring within. He is strength personified, beyond the thick muscle that lines his hardened body – it is the way he moves seamlessly between stoicism and a kind smile, and the way that he can fiercely guard so many but embrace so many more. There is so much to know, to understand – and yet, in those dark moments, cradled beneath the moonlit nights as her lips gently touch his cheek to chase his nightmares away, she does not know him at all. Ellyse RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - magnus - 02-18-2017 ![]() out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - Ellyse - 02-22-2017 your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. i don't love you, but i always will. Selfish. The word echoes in her mind, and she cannot deny the weight of the truth. She was undeniably selfish, craving to touch every crevice of his mind, yearning to undress the secrets that lay tucked within – old memories deeply buried, and forgotten bridges burning still. He moves and trembles against her, the rage melting away and with it, the walls he had built around his heart falter. He presses himself against her neck, and she relishes in the warmth of his heavy breath against her skin, her pallid tresses stirring from the gentle breeze and caressing the broad line of his cheek. His voice is rough, riddled with emotion, hot against her skin and yet, she can savor no part of it. With each word uttered, he unravels, the very core of his being frayed at the seams as the fragile thread of a life – no, of two lifetimes – becomes strained from the immense surfacing of a pain he had never wanted to feel again. Gently, urgently, her lips reach to touch his skin again, attempting to sooth the flayed wounds she had so grievously opened, that she had so greedily sought. Her kisses barely ghost across the mottled russet and auburn blemishes on his skin, tasting the salty brine of dried sweat again, a wordless apology lingering behind each tender caress. Joelle, a name she had heard many a time – once of his own volition; but a thousand times more from a deep, dark place, muttered under his breath in a fervent dream. Atrox, and Twinge – she had never heard either name, but he had whispered for the memory of his mother a time or two, a pain she herself had never known. Minette. Posy. Her heart aches, and a soft whispered apology barely touches the crest of his cheek. She could not imagine losing Canaan, or Hawke – each had become so deeply engrained into her heart, into her very purpose for living - but the loss of her stillborn daughter (with darkened points and the rich golden fur of her father, and vivid eyes that never once opened) still weighed heavily on her heart, and she can almost feel the profound depth of his agony in that moment. At last, Makai – again, a name she had never heard, but brother had been uttered before, all while he shuddered beside her, lost to the nightmares that plagued his weary mind. Each name, heavier than the last, entangled into a delicate, intricately woven web of despair settles heavily on her rigid shoulders, where now his burden lay as her own. I’m sorry, her once bold voice whispers softly, over and over. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, she breathes, her own mind feeling spent and unraveled with each revelation. Gently, her lips travel the length of his neck and face once more, drawing him nearer to her, cradling him closer to her. Finally, ”You have known so much more in life than I could have imagined, Magnus.” A shaky breath. A long pause. ”I am a fool – a selfish fool; I should never have asked, I should never have pushed you –“ and yet, and yet, she is far from altruistic, her deep hazel eyes searching an endless sea of brown, gold flecks meeting with his. ”- you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are so much more than you know.” Ellyse RE: i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus - magnus - 02-25-2017 ![]() out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know |