The fan of his breath across her skin when he laughs sends a pleasant shiver across her skin and Mazikeen only has a moment to smile to herself before her breath catches at his reply. She lies there quietly, feeling her heart ache as its pulse quickens while he speaks.

And then when she can feel the soft tremble where their skin connects, when Firion tells her he would try for her, Mazikeen moves. She slowly shifts her weight, rolling just enough that her back is no longer to him - and while this means his head won’t be draped over her anymore, it allows for other things as she faces him. Like how her tear-bright eyes find his gaze and all of what she is feeling is shining there to see. And how, this time, she doesn’t hesitate when she reaches out to touch her muzzle to his cheek. And as Mazikeen holds it there for a moment as her eyes close, it is so easy to wonder if this was just some lovely dream. Or perhaps she had died for good when she had torn at her own skin.

She’d lived a lifetime of denying herself any sort of comfort, of hiding her hurt under anger - it made sense that an afterlife paradise would involve finally knowing what it felt like to face those things. And finally having Firion this close with neither of them pushing the other away. A few years ago, she would've thought he'd preside over her hell instead - but a different face reigned there now. One she cannot think about yet or she will crumble again.

So she focuses on what is happening here and now, on enjoying this moment for as long as she can, whether it is a dream or not.

With her lips against his golden skin, she replies quietly “I’d like you to.” To stay, to try. Whatever he had to offer. In this moment, it does not occur to her to doubt his words - she is too raw, those ways of shielding her heart are utterly spent. She believes everything he is saying and even her thoughts of how she does not deserve this offer from him are quiet as she lightly traces a dark spot on his skin.

“We…” For a breath, she stutters over that wonderful word. She feels the way it shines through her, bringing a light to her orange eyes when she pulls her head back enough to look at him. A very old flutter of nerves stirs in her stomach, born the day they had met. She’s pretty sure that’s the last time she let herself think anything we when it came to Firion.

Now, there’s a small smile despite that flutter - now Mazikeen doesn’t let herself look away as she dares to hope that word means as much to him as it does to her. “We could go somewhere else, if you'd prefer not to stay in Hyaline.” For now, Mazikeen doesn’t think about the logistics of this offer. She doesn’t think about anything at all because if she thinks, she might lose her nerve to add the next words she wants to say to him. “Anywhere or nowhere, I would stay - or run - with you, Firion.”

Mazikeen knows she would have run with him if he’d asked it of her. Maybe a part of her even hoped he would - because if they left together she could try to escape her own demons in the process. But as he brushes aside her forelock and she relishes this sweet simple touch, as she feels that wonderful sensation of her hopes being made real, she believes this is the better option for them both.

And then he smiles and it’s a smile that reminds her how much she had loved his laugh on the few occasions she had heard it; it’s a smile that smoothes over some of those old fractures. One that so easily brightens her own in response and Mazikeen remembers what it’s like to feel happy. The emotion has a vibrant sheen to it now in contrast to her emptiness but it is what starts to convince her that this has to be real. “Okay. We’ll stay.” She feels this golden moment swell in her heart - this simple statement bringing such an undeniable thrill.

It doesn’t last, much as she wishes it could go on forever. A thought sneaks into her mind, reminding her of some information Firion should have - especially if he’s going to stay. The shift in her mood is obvious, a shadow passing across her features and eclipsing that smile and those vibrant feelings. “But you should know that I… I had another daughter with him.” She tastes bile in her mouth, feeling both a pang of guilt that she can't quite name and shame settling heavily over her. The question of whether she was a willing participant was a fuzzy one and far too complicated for Mazikeen to try to sort out right now so she shuts out those thoughts as she's dragged down again.

She resolves not to turn away this time. A little of her old stubbornness aids in this but mostly it is this new instinct - of actually sharing what is on her mind and not hiding it away for it to fester somewhere else. Not even the worst. Even though it is terrifying to do, even though she's afraid she's ruining this before they can even begin, Mazikeen manages to keep her sad eyes on his golden face - wanting to see his reaction. Whatever it is.

Each word is softer than the last as this new wave of grief takes over. One confession out of dozens waiting for their turn to drown her. “She was just born yesterday.” Or, she thinks it was yesterday. She’s not certain of how long they’ve been here, or how long it had been between when she had called for Firion while dying and woken to find him next to her. “I didn’t even give her a name yet.” She admits, full of loathing directed both inwards and at the girl’s father.

She shares this information just so Firion will know, with no other expectations tied. Staying with her is all she wants from him but she cares what he thinks of her - of this mess she has made of her life.

It’s not until it isn’t there that Mazikeen realizes part of her had expected anger. But not Firion’s anger, though he had shown some of that when they spoke last time. When he (rightfully) called her out for staying with Gale anyway despite what he had done. And to think that the eating of her heart had only been the beginning.

She'd been preparing for a far more brutal version of anger tonight. So she tries not to think about that, since it has no place between her and Firion, and instead focuses on the way her heart lights up to hear him ask if they should go find her daughter. How easily the plural of that question affects her. And how much she wants to ease away that frown that's taken over his expression.

First, instead of answering, she attempts to explain - though he hadn’t asked her to. “I just didn’t want it to be a surprise. I thought you might be... disappointed. Which would be fine. After all, I’m disappointed in myself.” She adds this last bit with a dry laugh before closing her eyes and inhaling a steadying breath. She wasn’t going to be able to give this a proper chance if she didn’t trust Firion not to run every time she admitted something to him. Or worse, but she did not believe he would hurt her the way she had become used to. Those fears are involuntary things that she smothers as best as she can. She was going to trust him wholeheartedly and she would not even entertain another option.

She thought walling herself off was strength, truly believed that there were some battles that she needed to fight all on her own, and she had been wrong. Even though her throat is raw from sobbing, even though this is a different type of terrifying, it feels right.

And when she opens her eyes again there’s a small smile in them. They should go, they should move from this spot even if she has no intention of leaving his side for as long as she can once they do.

But they don't need to move quite yet.

“We’ll go soon.” She reaches for him again, the soft skin of her muzzle seeking to brush against his own as she adds softly. “I’m becoming very fond of the word we.”

Mazikeen leans into the hesitant touch he offers her and the comfort she finds in it. His reassurances don’t erase away all her worries - they are far too well-rooted in her for that - but some of that weight eases and he effectively distracts her. First when she winces when he mentions her loving Gale - her head moving in the smallest of stubborn shakes. What did it say about her that there might be any part of her that still loved someone who had hurt her and others so much?

She couldn’t, wouldn’t, think about whether that was true right now. It was tied to too much she did not want to dredge up.

And the rest of Firion’s words are kind but she cannot see the truth in them either. It still felt like she needed forgiveness, the deep ache in her heart persisting.

Surprise distracts her next, when Firion admits to having children. Too many of them. Concern lines the frown on her face but a flurry of reactions passes through her mind, including quickly reprimanding herself for being surprised. And there is something twisting in her stomach, an ugly feeling she recognizes as jealousy. An emotion she has no right to experience - and she’s unaware of how he had just grappled with the same reaction. And yet it is easy not to give it any attention as she sees that hurt, so when he drops her gaze she is the one to close the space between them. Her touch is gentle as she holds it against his skin while he disappears into his head for a moment.

“It’s okay.” She repeats when he returns to the present, her eyes glistening with the too-ready tears, the echo of his pain inspiring an ache in her that both distracts her from and blends so well with her own. These words are such a small comfort, maybe it isn’t nearly enough, but it feels true and she hopes that counts for something like they had for her when he spoke them.

Her heart is racing again as his mouth moves down her neck. She wouldn’t be able to say whether it was his words or that touch that inspires the way she trembles against him or the breathless sound of her words when she finds them “And now you are.” It still doesn’t feel entirely real, the way a smile tugs at her mouth or that thrill in her heart at the idea of a we that was her and Firion.

There are darker things too but Mazikeen will not give them attention. She doesn’t want to know why she feels guilty for this piece of happiness.

There is something she has not said yet, and it comes from her now. “Thank you, Firion.” And before can ask what for, she moves her head to find his golden gaze and tells him earnestly “For saving me.”