There was more to this.

The words wouldn't stop repeating, and he hated them. He'd be busy, not even thinking of her. Then there they were again. There was more to this.

No. There fucking wasn't.
There couldn't be.
He didn't want there to be.

He'd said goodbye that day. Given Diz a hurried, hungry last kiss and walked away. Or tried to. Wasn't goddamned good enough for her, of course. Pulled him back in for another delicious go, won him over all over again with the taste of her, that look in her eyes he still couldn't get out of his head, her breath against his skin, her desperate moans and aching body. Who the fuck was he to say no? The first time had been amazing. The second time, fantastic. This was nothing like what they normally did, and it was so damn addicting. So unexpected.

Dangerous.
Catastrophic.

So of course he ran like hell as she slept, got the hell out of there. Obviously, they couldn't do that again. They'd laid themselves as bare and naked as they could, each with someone else in their hearts. She had Zoryn, could only love Zoryn. And he was still so hung up on Leliana. Sweet Leliana. Their time together was just a lie, wasn't it? Just a really incredible lie that felt so terrifyingly real.

No, it wasn't real.

But even as he thought it, he knew he'd have to be sure. He couldn't give himself fully if he wasn't sure. He had to see her again, just once. Just to see that it was only a crazy moment, a fatal lapse in judgement. Because he hated her, after all, didn't he. Fucking Diz. And she hated him too. Certainly after that, she must. That would be a good thing. A good thing. They should just hate each other and return to normal. They did hate each other. He just had to see, that was all. Needed to confirm.

And then he saw her. Rounded and pregnant -and still beautiful. That should matter, somehow. His eyes locked with hers and he kept walking, straight for her. He should wonder if it was his -no, of course it was Zor's. He should wonder if she wanted, expected anything from him, help raise it or something. No, but it was Zor's, of course. He should consider if she hated him, didn't want him anywhere near her, wanted him to stay the hell away. He should stop. He should think.

But he didn't.

He went straight to her and caught her mouth with his, crushed hungry, passionate kisses between them, suddenly so aching and desperate. How long had it been now? How long had this festered in his mind? And then he slowed, gradually eased into the deep and tender she'd known so briefly as he stepped closer, felt her body heat in the small space between their skin. Finally, he carefully broke away, his breath short with his face held so near hers.

You always were such a damn distraction, he said quietly, brushing lightly against her beautiful face, the corner of his mouth sweeping against the corner of hers, his teeth barely grazing against the soft velvet of her. His stupid heart pounded so hard, and he lifted deep, black eyes to hers once again, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. She was consuming; stole her way into his thoughts when he least expected it. Inserted herself in his life without even being there now.

Now you're just fucking distracting.

I'll take my bow, I won't make a sound
I whisper truce as the ashes hit the ground

God, why did it feel so good to have her lips crushed with his? He was supposed to hate her. They were supposed to hate each other. He hadn’t really meant to kiss her, had he? He didn’t even know anymore. Couldn’t remember what had gone through his mind before he’d seen her. But it didn’t really matter, did it? Because this felt good, and she wasn’t pushing him away, wasn’t telling him to back the fuck off. Wasn’t hating him so he could pretend to hate her too. So naturally he continued, took from her what he had been unknowingly craving.

She groaned into their kiss, Ohh, fuck yes, and his pulse immediately quickened. He slowed into the sweet and savory as his heart raced, tasting her, drinking her in and breathing her -silently noting the lack of Zoryn’s scent. Why the hell was that so damn pleasing? Why the hell did that make him never want to stop.

Mine.
No, not his.

Fuck, where was his mind.

She leaned into those deep kisses, encouraged him to take more and more. Fucking gladly. And when he finally broke away, though unable to really distance from her at all, she gasped as though he’d sucked the very breath from her lungs. His lips curved with a satisfied little smirk and he brushed the corner of his mouth with hers, told her she wasn’t a distraction like she used to be. Instead, so goddamn distracting. God, and why did that grunt of a laugh of hers sound good too? It was just a damn chuckle.

”Yeah, well, you too, babe.”
And her lips toyed at the patch of night-blue, that tender spot she had always enjoyed biting into and tasting the blood of his stars. His smile faltered, faded, and his breath stuck in his throat as she trailed kisses along his jawline. He was frozen, held so still as she lingered there at that perfect place. ”God, how do you do that? One look and I’m yours all over again.”

I have a solution for that, he murmured without thinking, barely breathing.
Be mine all the time.

But he sure as hell didn’t say it, couldn’t believe he even thought it. He didn’t want Diz, dammit. He wanted Leliana. Leliana. And she wanted Zoryn. They were just an amazing lie, weren't they? Ah, man, what the fuck was he doing. He was screwing everything up again. Just as he always did. Why’d he have to go and break this weird, fucked up relationship, push it into new and unfamiliar territory. What did he think they were going to do, sneak away to have sex with each other on the side? Some kind of secret lovers or something? Yeah, Zor would get a real kick out of that.

Dizzy.. Fuck, but she was incredible. And she was still there, so agonizingly close to the delicious spot they both loved so much just on the other side of his jaw. He should definitely stop them before they made things worse. He never should have, god, made love to her in the first place. But it was so damn good. And her sweet breath fanning against him, her lips barely touching his skin, was stealing away any chance at thinking clearly. He never was good at thinking things through. Always acted without considering the consequences. Maybe that was just who he was. Maybe she liked it about him.

Do it, he whispered, his voice husky and thick. Do it, Diz.
Taste me.

God, please taste me.

I'll take my bow, I won't make a sound
I whisper truce as the ashes hit the ground

Goddamn, those noises she made; the moans and groans and hungry little whimpers that were far too deeply wanting to really be called such a feeble thing. Each one was like an extra shot of adrenaline to his system, racing through his bloodstream like a flame to alcohol and so swiftly taking him over. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, against his sunken skin, made his breath quick and shallow as though they’d already reached the climax of their first round, or second. Or third.

Fuck, he couldn’t even think.

She threw more fire into him as she pushed her body against his, chasing out a helpless groan from his throat. They hadn’t even begun and he was already gone, already lost in their erotic madness, already hers. He tried to say her name again, only got as far as the first syllable, Diz-- before it was cut off with a gasp as her lips finally, finally brushed against that perfectly sensitive place.

So slowly, she moved, bringing back all the perfect details of when they’d made love, when he’d taken her so slow and deep and watched her fight it, try to claw her way back to something more familiar, something wilder, something safer. And then watched her succumb to it, surrender to it, to him, and meet him in the middle of that uncertain fear, in their shared vulnerability as he opened himself so bare for her, gave her all of him. Every piece of him she was missing.

The darkness and cruelty, she knew. The tender passion, she learned.

God, and then the heat of her tongue followed that agonizing tease, dragged another groan from him as she dragged across his flesh, tasted the salt of his dark skin, lapped up that scent that was his alone. His muscles were bunched and taut, panting and trembling as he fought so hard to hold still, to not launch himself at her and take everything he wanted. Give everything she wanted. Shaking, quaking, when all he wanted was to launch himself at her, slam into her and fuck her so good.

He breathed her name between gasps, Diz-- Ohhh --Diz, moaned as she trailed down his neck, over and between his armor, tasted the sensitive edge of his ruptured skin. If she hadn’t learned how strongly that simple touch could affect him before now, she certainly learned today. Because he couldn’t take it anymore. His body ached, his heart was nearly exploding, his blood running so fast and so hot. God, and he could smell her, the heady scent of her sex; knew what it tasted like, what it felt like wrapped around him. His skin was pulled so tight, and it fucking hurt, he throbbed with the pressure and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

”Dov,” she groaned, pushing herself against him again and driving him further over the edge. ”Touch me”.

Oh he was going to do so much more than that.

Dizzy, his voice was as hard and desperate as he was as he locked their eyes, a roaring fire and unyielding purpose in his, heart slamming against his chest. It was good that she wanted it too. Because he was taking it. There was no escaping this, not for either of them. I need you, he whispered, his gaze sliding to her body before him, feeding off every detail, every intoxicating contour, so hungry. Starving. The last time they did this was so controlled, so methodical and sweet. She wouldn’t get that this time, not yet. This time, he could only pretend he had any control. He’d lost any grip on that when he saw her, when they’d kissed, when she touched him.

He grabbed her, shifted her roughly in urgent need as he rose above her. He only waited long enough to find her eyes again before he pushed inside her, rocked to coat himself and wake all the right aches in her, hear her scream and moan. This was a lot closer to what she was used to from him, and yet it was still so different. No vicious, hateful bites tearing apart her beautiful flesh. No Zoryn joining in with his own sexy madness. Just the two of them. And it meant something, he made sure of it. You’re mine, Dizzy. You’re Mine. He made his point with the force of each thrust, claimed her and claimed her again. Mine. My Dizzy..

God, but she felt so good, too good. She’d driven him so close already before even starting and it wasn’t long before he had to slow, had to still.

But she was lost in this blissful madness with him, and fought the inaction with her own rhythmic movements. He groaned and tried to hold her. God, not yet! Shhh, Dizzy baby. Be still, he crooned to her, dipping his head to kiss and taste her damp, salty skin, running his tongue along her. Be still. I’m not done with you yet, he promised darkly, waiting out the high a few moments longer, coming down from it just enough.

Then she got the slow and sensual again, the deep rocks against her as he bathed her in kisses and affection. Adoration. He built her up, made love to her and took her higher and higher. He didn’t stop even when she cried out in her ecstasy, soaking in the sound of her, the feel of her, the look in her beautiful face. He didn’t stop, kept them going, felt her rise to meet a new pace, a new perfect rhythm, rode the waves of passion with her until they came together. Until they collapsed together, and he held her.


He’d never slept so soundly, his breathing so deep and his heartbeat steady and strong. He didn’t even feel the bone plates shoving uncomfortably beneath him as they always did. Didn’t feel anything but… peace, for once. Serenity. He woke up with glow inside him he could never deserve, a radiant calm, as though living in a dream state. A different reality. Infinite, black eyes found her lying next to him, so tranquil and still, and he settled closer, kissed her in her sleep before sinking into blissful unconsciousness again.

Fuck away the pain. Erase him from your brain.
Fake it like you love me, come on baby touch me.

He wasn't really sure at which point a dream became reality, the moment when deep sleep slipped so slowly into a waking breath. Mmm, that breath.

Her scent was soaked deep into his skin, surrounding him with the intoxicating smell of her, the smell of them together. Their sex, their love-making. Fuck, and he should be spent. He should be exhausted. But he wasn't, not with her touching him again. He hadn't stuck around the last time; had slipped away as she slept. Didn't know what to expect. Definitely didn't know to expect those sweet touches, so gentle caresses, the sexy purr in her voice as she tried to rouse him from sleep. But maybe she was far more arousing than she'd meant to be, and it glittered in his dark eyes when he finally opened them.

He covered that amused little smirk on her face with his lips, buried it in a deeply sweet kiss as he fed from her heat, poured his own desire back into her. His mouth moved against hers, with hers, giving and taking as his body pressed into her, letting his tongue lightly tease at her lips, coax them further apart so he could slip inside and taste more of her. She obliged, of course, his Dizzy. He moaned his pleasure and stole more, gave more, savored the wet heat of her mouth, the sweet taste of her tongue against his. Stole more, gave more.

When they finally broke the kiss, she rested her forehead against his, pulled back just enough to meet his eyes and burned his own words into his mind. "Mine. You're mine, Dovev." He couldn't speak, could barely breathe as he only stared back at her. Nobody had ever claimed him before, not even Cerva. He was the one to do that. And these words from her felt so heavy, so meaningful, almost binding. Somehow he just knew she wouldn't say them if she didn't completely mean them in their entirety. She wanted him. All of him. The cruel and the kind, the vicious and the tender.

"And I'm yours."

But she wasn't done with her claim on him. "Mine," she said again, kissing the stars of his mouth. That was only the beginning though, he soon learned, as she explored more and more of him. She stoked the fire in him with every touch, wrote her name all over his body with every press of her lips. His pulse kicked up and he drank in the experience, focused on every little sensation she lit across his skin, and soon it was even harder to breathe. Harder to think.

"My Dovev," she sealed with a kiss to his solid chest, and their eyes met again, locked. The hazy black of his stare sharpened and he was captivated, enraptured. Couldn't look away as she moved just a little lower with another kiss, stole the air from his lungs. And lower still. His lips parted with his quiet, shallow breathing, his eyes bright, so bright. He didn't dare move, couldn't bear to break this spell as she so slowly continued even lower, and lower, until she reached exactly where she wanted, and put that delicious mouth to amazi-

Oh, fuck! Oh my god.
Fuuuck.
He gasped, closed his eyes as she had him struggling for air, felt his pulse thunder in his neck.
Ohhh, god yesss..
Fuck, fuck, fuck yes.

His head tipped back with a deep, keening, desperately needing moan. Goddamn, she was so- Ohh, god, fuck yes. Don't stop.

She had him begging for more -god, and more- with the wordless sounds he made, the ragged gasps and fevered moans. He could barely stand it anymore by the time she pleaded for him too, so perfectly breathless. "Dov, please." And maybe he'd never be able to deny that frantic look in her eyes, the urgent strain in her voice, the sound of an aching plea on her tongue that was as desperate and needing as he was. Not especially after she did that.

God, and he fucking loved it when she begged.

He threw her back and rolled on top of her, buried his face in her neck with wild kisses of lips and tongue and sharp little stinging nips as he immediately drove into her, forced himself through the barrier of her heat again and again. She always did like a little pain with her pleasure. His whole body rocked with the movements, threw his weight into fucking her, into claiming her more, claiming her for himself again, finding the deepest parts of her and working out those addicting moans of hers. And it was good, so goddamn good, and soon had him crying out into her skin before they collapsed into each other, bathed in the slick sweat of their love.

Fuck, she was incredible.
God, he could never get tired of this, could he.
Goddamn Diz.

She kissed his sweaty shoulder, gave a soft little laugh that tugged a crooked smile to his lips. Mmm, yeah it was fun being a distraction for her. He loved how the world disappeared, how every outside thought just dried up and withered away, every stress and worry. Every heartache. But maybe that was a little over with for now as she mentioned being pregnant -yeah, like he hadn't noticed, he thought with a smirk- talked about the timing of it. His smile slowly faded away, his face blanked again as he listened.

"I don't know if... I mean, with the timing, it could be Zor's, or it could be yours."

He swallowed, forced himself not to look away from her. His? No, of course it was Zor's. It was always Zor. Her and Zor. And then him, the sometimes afterthought. But always her and Zor. His chest felt heavier, tighter, and he made a conscious effort to breathe slow and steady. It wasn't his. He didn't have kids, only Atrani. God, and that didn't make his heart any lighter, did it? Look how that turned out. He didn't want his child to break her, to break him again too.

It was so hard to breathe, and not in the way they liked. Couldn't they just go back to the sex and forgetting the rest of the world? Maybe he should have left before she woke. Fuck, he didn't like thinking that. No, he didn't really mean that. Why the hell did this hurt so bad? "If you want to be a part of this baby's life, I'd like th--"

He blinked, his eyes refocused on her. God, what? She wanted him around for it? Him? What about Zor, where the hell was he? Had they had kids before? He didn't think so, had never heard anything about it, though it was surprising that they hadn't with how much they- whatever. So, their first kid then. Her and Zor's. No, their first child that could be his. Oh, fuck.

Wait.. Oh, god. Her first child.

And he finally focused on her instead of himself, the selfish bastard. Finally noted the nervous fumbling of her words, this woman who'd always been so sharp and brutal, so confident and abrasive. Now opened for him, and soft. Vulnerable. Worried? Afraid? God, he'd cracked and broken her open for himself, to lose himself in the secret parts of her, drown so blissfully in the deeper places of her soul, and maybe hadn't bothered in putting her back together again. Or considered that he even should.

She finished with a wince and suddenly his own needling thoughts and fretting dissolved. He shifted closer with eyes gone dark and deep, rose above her and eased her carefully to her back beneath him. He balanced his weight, settled comfortably on top of her. Because he needed it. Did the pressure make her feel safe too? He'd always been glued to Cerva's side, always always touching, and the lack of contact now seemed to drive him into a destructive madness. He needed to feel her. Needed her stability, the safety.

Dizzy.. he began softly, brushing his nose lightly against hers. He dipped his head to her neck, breathed into her, What about Zoryn, Dizzy, kissed her. What about Zor? Where was he? Didn't she want him, didn't she rather him at her side for this. He ignored the prick in his heart to think it, after everything they'd done. He didn't question that it meant something to her, he could see that it had. But did it mean enough. Did he destroy the life she'd made for herself, or did he only create a distraction, a side path to get temporarily lost in. And which answer did he even want?

So, what about Zor.
And what about him.

Damn, he should never have done this, should never have pushed at boundaries that disintegrated to show a completely different picture. This was never supposed to happen. He should back away, he should leave her alone. He should disappear. Maybe he would. He should, he should. Ok, he would.

God, if he could.

Just let her life return to normal, let her forget him again and lose herself in Zor. That's what she wanted, right? He was so very good at running, at disappearing. Could he even have a relationship, with his place in life? He belonged to someone else; their weapon, their tool. No, wait, she didn't mean for a relationship, only for him to be around with the kid. Ah hell, his head was spinning. Don't panic, don't panic. Just focus.

He pulled back, brushed his cheek with hers, met her eyes again and held them steadily. I have something... A job- he shrugged -that keeps me busy, keeps me away. Maybe it wouldn't always be that way, but he wouldn't make that promise. There was a time when he wouldn't give a fuck what the hell she was going through; let Zor deal with it, he wasn't a part of them. But damnit, after everything how could he not care? It was Zor's kid, not his. Zor's. But also Dizzy's, a tiny little Dizzy. And that was enough to matter to him.

But I'll come for you. His eyes traced her expression, memorized this moment with her. This moment that felt so damn terrifying and somehow painful. He'd come for her. If it's what she wanted. If it would help and not harm, for once. If he could do good and not destroy. Every chance I get, he promised. He felt so vulnerable, so afraid, needed the reassurance..

Tell me its what you want, and I'll do it.

At night the earth will rise
And I'll think of you each time I watch from distant skies

He couldn't stop touching her. Why couldn't he stop touching her? It wasn't enough to be settled over her, weighted down and feeling her so solid and soft beneath him. No, he had to brush his mouth, his cheek against her, press his lips anywhere that wouldn't interrupt her. It wasn't enough. He had to breathe her like oxygen. He'd suffocate when they seperated. Drink it now and hold his breath.

It also turned out the perfect excuse to hide his face. He didn't have to at first. He was able to admire that soft glow she got when she mentioned the last time they were together, felt it spread and soften his face too as he traced the beautiful details of her face, barely holding himself back from kissing her more and breathing in that quiet affection.

Fortunately, he happened to lower to kiss her neck again just as she mentioned Zor. That he'd touched her, that he'd wanted, tried for more from her. It wasn't surprising, of course. That was who they were, what they did, was even expected. But knowing that truth had no effect on the possessive fire that ignited in his eyes, burning brightly, the tightening in his jaw and stiffening between his shoulders.

It lessened, just barely, when she said she couldn't follow through on it. But he still had to fight it back, take a few moments to batten it down and smother it as best he could before he was able to pull back to look at her again, met those eyes that had once infuriated him and now seemed so necessary to breathe at all anymore.

She groaned and pressed her forehead to his again, and that helped too, feeling more of her against him, her need to touch him too, grounding him and carefully tugging him away from the swift rage that always seemed to crawl just under the surface. And as she continued again, the distress in her voice making him hurt for her, he trailed more gentle affection over her, tried to press a calm into her and ease her tension. He'd never done that before; calmed someone. Most often he was one to make tempers flare and rational thoughts burn away.

He pulled back as she groaned again and apologized, and he shut her the hell up with a firm kiss that, somehow, he desperately needed just then. God, she tasted so good. He let her go and pressed their foreheads together again. He just... couldn't seem to stop touching her. Like he might drift away if she wasn't here to hold him down with her.

She seemed to relax when they talked about... Well, the future, sort of. Though, that was an unsettling way to think of it. Heavy and more than a little scary. But that possessive blaze finally died out completely as she gently brushed his hair from his eyes and kissed his cheek. He closed his eyes and the tension in him released, slowly melted away.

It was stupid, foolish, and completely annoying that it bothered him how easily she would let him go to do his own thing, this bond with his magician. Because it wasn't who he'd been before, it wasn't him being a constant presence at Cerva's side, glued to her hip and living every single moment with her. The way he perhaps wanted to be again, maybe even needed. And he knew it wasn't fair to compare them to his relationship with Cerva. She had Zoryn. Would always have Zoryn. There was a promise he still wasn't sure she could keep.

Maybe she didn't understand how he was when he was really with someone. Maybe she didn't want that. He was possessive, he was controlling. He was jealous and raging.

He should keep it to himself. He shouldn't look for a way to really seal this with her, to tie her to him so firmly. Did either of them really want that? This should be enough. He should just let this be enough. He would have her when he could, give her himself when he could. That could be enough, couldn't it? Just leave it alone. Just take what he could get. Don't ask for more, don't want more. Maybe he should want less, even. Yes, he should want less. What the hell even was this? No, it doesn't matter.

"Just keep coming home to me, okay? That's all I need. That's what I want, Dov. You, with me, whenever you can be."

He swallowed his doubts and opened his eyes, stared into hers that made him feel so connected and secure, so.. so... He couldn't even think the word. Too frightening. Too strong. But home sounded nice. Home with her. Him, with her, whenever they could. He nodded slowly, solemnly. That was a promise he could keep. This gaping, aching, swelling emotion in him would agree. He wouldn't name it, couldn't name it. But maybe home was exactly where she was.

Okay, Dizzy, he answered quietly, his chest tight but breathing so steady and calm. Then I'll come for you. Every moment that I can. God, and he would. He'd need oxygen, wouldn't he. He'd suffocate without her. He almost felt like he was suffocating now, even. Already. One more thing first, even if it sucked to say it, to think about it, and then maybe she could breathe into him again, fill him to last through their time apart. You'll find him. You'll be able to fix things and make him happy again. And I'll be back regardless.

Do those things.. but not yet. Not now.
He needed her first.

He leaned down and kissed her, met her lips gently with his. Tasted her, savored her, filled himself with the feel of it. Then he deepened it, slow and sensual and right. In a fluid movement, like a soft caress through warm, smooth water, he shifted them again, rolled carefully beneath her. Met her eyes with his heart in his, afraid to breathe, afraid to speak.

Love me.

Cheers to the end, the bittersweet
You have my dreams and all of me