she's a little explosion of hope

[Elaina]

I can remember a time when I was so afraid when even my shadow wouldn't follow me It had been early morning when the blonde with those snowy locks set out from her home, striking out with a bold confidence that defined her. She was so similar to her mother in some ways, her beautiful, compassionate mother had certainly instilled that graceful confidence within her daughter. Her movements were refined, though swift, she stuck to the shadows like a phantom, merely a sleek shadow slipping silently through the unfurling mists of sunrise. Amber eyes face forward with some sort of determination, as the wind races through slowly growing ivory locks. She has struck out without either of her parents knowing, her uncle neither knew, not even her grandmother, the one person the amber eyed Elaina would always tell all her secrets too—except this one it would seem.  She is on a mission, you can tell by the strides of her lanky legs, moving in such a direct fashion, when Elaina was more prone to skipping than marching. Amber eyes are trained forward, alabaster locks shining in the sun of spring time. Elaina knows where she is headed, and she didn't want anyone to stop her. Of course, being one of the only young children within Windskeep, and being a little girl in general during war times, it was easy to spot when she was missing. Her amber eyed, dark father  “I’m going to save, Mama,” she chirps happily, so full of hope there is no room left for doubt or sorrow.  Elaina can remember this day, back when she had thought anything were possible if you just wished hard enough, and prayed to the ancestors. That hope could spring eternal. Elaina used to be so beautiful, carefree, reckless. But something forced her to grow up a little. Now she can afford to do little more than find those blissful moments with Lilli, the rest of her family, and Aerwir. Skipping through fields and winding between trees. She used to conquer mountains and tame beasts and slay dragons, but now, now she is a weary adventurer, and her heart, while not silent, has gone quiet. She knew what she needed. She needed to return home, not any were Beyond, Elaina needed the wisdom of a family member, she needed the words of her grandmother. Elaina had decided then, she would return to her one true home: Windskeep. She had made the long trek, a trek she had not made since she the war. It had been a while since she had been so young, when her body was spidery legged and scrawny, too skinny. But the moment she had arrived in Windskeep, her senses had been assaulted with familiarity. Home. The word sung through her veins.  It had been difficult to leave when her time came to a close. But, Elaina knew it was time to return home, to Aerwir, to take her place in the Falls, with Lilli, as they had talked about. But, when the golden sunshine girl had returned home, her heart wrenched in her chest when she found the silver form of Aletta and there was no striking chestnut beauty to meet her. Where was Lilli? Lilli had left, leaving only a few words behind for the one she called a sister. ‘I wish you well, I hope you find what you are looking for.’ That was all she was to receive? Elaina refused to believe it. “I’m going to find her,” she said then, and Aletta pointed her in the direction that her daughter had gone. Little Kildare, who was not so little anymore, had joined her on the journey, excited by the prospect to join a new land.  It was with the intention of finding Lilli that Elaina first stepped into this foreign land. Lilli was her best friend, how could she just leave her like this? Elaina feels hurt, lost, but mostly, she feels determined. She needed to find her. The golden girl steps around this new land, she ought to be cautious, but Elaina has hardly ever been such. That stubborn nature and bold and brazen attitude had lent itself to her being independent and bit too impulsive. ‘Just like your father,’ is what her mother, sweet tempered and beautiful used to say. And Elaina would stand there grinning, thinking how lucky she was to be compared to her father, the dark knight, the commander in war that faced down foes without a second thought. Of course, my now grown sunflower child, likes to toy with the idea that she has grown wiser as well as older and therefore  she realizes now perhaps how foolish her father had been, racing into battle like that. He had a child, a mate, did he ever think of them?  She forces her mind away from thinking about her parents. It hadn't been too long ago she had seen their resting spot in Windskeep, her mother’s gave adorned with lilies and her father’s with dark obsidian stones found in the caves surrounding the lake. She hadn't anticipated the feeling, the emotion that clawed at her when she saw it. Does one stop being an orphan just because they’ve grown up? What does that make her now?  Just a lonely girl in a strange place. She comes to rest only when she stands in the middle of a meadow, amber eyes shifting about herself as a bite of autumn air brushes her nose. And there is a moment that the overwhelming feeling of unfamiliarity, of her family being so far away that it strips away that bold, brazen, wild attitude with fire behind amber eyes. It leaves bare just a little girl, alone in the world, like the day she was when she first arrived in Beyond and her cousin Marcelo had found her with a tear streaked face and fearful eyes. As the blonde looks around there are no tears to slide down her face, nor is there fear in her gaze, but as she speaks, there is perhaps, just a tremble to her voice. “Lilli, where are you?” I need you, she wants to say. Gods Lilli give her strength, give her compassion, Lilli, give Elaina hope. elaina* benjamin and beylani's sunflower-girl

[Anhedonia]

She notices beautiful things.

The sun slowly rises on the Meadow, her home all of her years. She'd long since figured out her limits, the extent to which she could expose herself to the sun before it became unbearable, and this place was perfect - well-shaded, tall grass covering her legs whenever she had to venture out in the day, however rare such an occurance was. Of course, if she had any open sores on her legs the grass would cause her agony as it slid by her skin but...not every day was like that.

She notices beautiful things because she herself has always been a monster - physically, at least. And for some, that was enough to condemn her entirely.

That day wasn't so bad. The sores were minimal, one festering beneath her right eye and a starburst pattern scabbing over on her chest - it was, in honesty, a banner day for her health. It was for that reason that she was found enjoying the sunrise, braving the discomfort of the sun on her sensitive skin in defiance of her physical tether. It was then that she noticed the sun-streak young mare come in to the meadow, a second sun! And so bright as to burn the ragged black thing hiding from the rays.

But Anhedonia can never stay away, as lonely as she is. Just a word, a desperate kindness, can slake her thirst for days.

Anhedonia proceeds further through the grass, taking the risk of straying from the safety of the dense line of trees she's lived in since her first year. The grass is tall enough to tickle the sores on her chest but she can ignore it. A better day, surely. Despite a lack of tears, the dark mare can see the sadness writ on the younger mare's face, hear the quiet words as she approaches. She clears her throat, hoping not to startle the golden one, though her appearance was like to be disturbing regardless. She was used to that though.

"What does Lilli look like? I live here - maybe I've seen her come through," offers Anhedonia. 

Anhedonia

through all the shallow rifts i had to wade,
this could have become my darkest hour.
enough of days living in the shade.

@[Elaina]

[Elaina]

I can remember a time when I was so afraid when even my shadow wouldn't follow me Elaina finds comfort in the sunset. She wasn't sure why. The golden girl has seen monsters, she has seen them with her own eyes of bright, fiery amber. One of them left a mark upon Elaina’s right shoulder. Frostbane had not looked like a monster, not until of course that sickly and wicked smile would run over his lips like slime. But his coat was as white as snow, a pointed ensemble atop his head, and eyes of hazel. But none of this would give away that he was indeed the sickest monster Elaina had ever met. He tried to kill her mother, succeeded in killing her father, and he tried to take her away from her family on multiple occasions, marking her with an icy snowflake to let everyone know who she truly belonged to. His mask concealed his true identity and perhaps had Elaina harbored no idea of who he actually was, maybe she would have believed him to be kind, but Elaina did know. It was Frostbane who taught the palomino sunflower girl to never trust the outside, because it may just be there to fool and deceive you. She couldn't trust anyone, not upon first appearance. Elaina has taken this lesson into her very heart and soul, but she knew the other side of it too. While he trust was not easily earned, she would never deny anyone the chance to do, even if, on the outside, they may look as wicked as Frostbane’s heart. She could never be so cruel as to simply cast someone aside without being able to look into their hearts first. She had to know who someone truly was. Elaina stubbornly refused to ever believe what outer appearances offered. She hears someone coming over towards her and Elaina shakes her head from her thoughts of Lilli and own sorrow to turn amber eyes to the approaching figure. For just a split second, a tiny moment, Elaina feels her wait shift backwards, even if she does not move her feet even an inch and those same amber eyes widen slightly in surprise and shock. This mare, she didn't look so well, how was she walking around so easily, it didn't even seem like she was in any pain. But Elaina quickly gains her composure and offers the stranger a friendly, warm smile. She may have inherited her father’s stubbornness and seething temper, but she had been sure to gain her mother’s warm confidence and welcoming nature. “Hello,” she offers in greeting. “I am terribly sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but are you okay?” She asks, tilting that pretty head just slightly. How could she possibly be okay? Did something do this to her? Could this same thing do that to Lilli? She needed to find her cousin. Now. “I’m Elaina by the way,” she says, offering her name in a form of friendliness towards the stranger. She gets a clear picture of Lilli in her mind’s eye before looking to the stranger once more. “She is chestnut, with pretty blue eyes and a kind smile. She loves flowers, so she may have been looking at some,” she says, and in the same breath she feels like she is failing Lilli, was that really a good enough explanation for the girl that was supposed to be her best friend? But how could she describe how their laughter would ring together whenever they would stand with each other side by side? Or explain how they could effortlessly communicate without the needs for words. Or how Lilli was so bright, friendly, beautiful and the light to which Elaina could always follow home? “Please, have you seen her?” elaina* benjamin and beylani's sunflower-girl

[Anhedonia]

In silence she always lapsed in to the white and almost imperceptible drone of the earth, imagined solar radiation. She could close her eyes and forget anything else in the metronomic melody of expansion, stars devouring their cores in the centuries-long race to eventuality. Here she often imagined things beyond comprehension, a mind that curled in and out on itself a thousand times over when she was alone, thoughts connected with the turning ease of the removed. When she left the silence she was surrounded by billions and yet alone in a way that had no resolution, sitting cross-legged on the other side of a gulf created not by her isolation or deformity, but by a fundamental differing of biology and time.

There was a time this brought her misery, her parent's choice of name a cruel mockery of her sentence. But she had let it go. She should never have lived as long as she had with her condition, and she'd chosen to accept it as proof she was meant for something greater - even if that greater was quiet and out of the sun.

Anhe noticed the half step backwards but wasn't offended - they are prey animals after all, following ancient instinct to stay out of harm's way. "Am I-- oh, yes!" she answers, realizing what the younger mare means. "It's not bad today at all, I almost forgot actually." She finishes with a laugh, which probably seemed strange considering her predicament. But Anhedonia had been living with her skin for so long that a sore on her face and chest felt like relief: high enough to avoid the slip of grass against open wounds, and felt only if she moved faster than the gentle walk she'd used to approach the golden girl. A good day indeed. "I was born this way, my skin doesn't work properly and I get wounds easily. I'm not contagious though," she said in reassurance, addressing what worried most who ended up near her. "I'm Anhedonia."

She listened to the description of Lilli and frowned. Much had changed since Anhedonia had been born - the world had been filled with magic, with horses sporting incredible coat colors and animals as friends. But a chestnut with blue eyes... "I'm sorry, I saw several chestnuts today and none looking at flowers that I remember. There's a patch of cyclamen that's been growing despite the cold on the east side of the meadow - we could check there?" 

The girl could easily refuse the monstrous stranger, Anehdonia knew that. Her willingness to help search for someone completely unknown to her was probably troubling, but all Anhe wanted was to help. To do something good. And she couldn't abide the worried look on the golden girl's face.

Anhedonia

through all the shallow rifts i had to wade,
this could have become my darkest hour.
enough of days living in the shade.

@[Elaina]

[Elaina]

I can remember a time when I was so afraid when even my shadow wouldn't follow me The golden creature had thought that she had seen many different creatures in her life, but Elaina realizes she may have been incorrect. This new land was going to bring Elaina sights and images that she had only seen in the recesses of her mind and in her nightmares that come to her in the evenings. She has seen the vicious king of Bloodvale, as she watched battles from a hiding place far from the actual hiding place she was intended to remain in. She has seen the Snow Prince so many times in her life and his wicked smile and deadly eyes. And Elaina has seen the king that defied death and all it was supposed to be itself. But, Elaina has not seen someone quite like this mare, and it should frighten her, she should turn away, but Elaina’s heart is too compassionate for her own good at times, so she offers a smile because she isn't quite sure what else to give her. She feels the wriggling in her chest that she recognizes as guilt and shame. She should not have been so quick to step back, not when Elaina can see this stranger is offering her nothing but kindness. "Oh good,” she finds herself almost sighing with relief. The sunflower girl would not have known what to do, where do you take some where here if they are sick? There was no Falls that Elaina knew of. “Not bad today?” She questions, the blonde tilting her head only slightly with some form of wonder of what this girl meant by what she said. “What do you mean? Does this happen often?” She asks, concern evident in those amber eyes as she searches the mare’s face. The mare laughs, but Elaina wonders if there maybe could more behind the happy face she offers. Elaina knows all too well what it is like to sit behind smiles and laughter when really you are in pain. She has to ask. “Are you,” a pause here. “Are you in pain? Constantly?” She asks, amber eyes dancing, looking for any sign the question had made her uncomfortable. “Anhedonia, it is wonderful to meet you and to see a friendly face,” she says, because Elaina has not yet met anyone in this strange land, and she has not spotted the familiar face of her cousin quite yet. But at least she had found someone who was willing to help her, this land was not so cold as to entirely shut her out. She feels her heart sink as the mare tells Elaina that she had not seen her cousin. It was disappointing, but unsurprising. “That’s okay,” she says, offering a smile, even if the way it tips upwards on her lips is unable to look truly happy. “Yeah, you know, it would be worth a shot I think,” she says. “Could you lead the way?” She asks, ready to follow this girl to wherever she could lead her, hopefully leading her to her chestnut cousin. elaina* benjamin and beylani's sunflower-girl