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  • Beqanna

    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    [private]  i'll be your reason to fight; daddy
    #11
    Ugh, her little man was the cutest damn thing, wasn’t he? Dizzy fussed over him and lipped at him and snuggled the hell out of him, so fuckin’ proud of her sassy little imp. And it melted her heart how damn cute him and his daddy were together.

    Ugh, fuck, this was what it should’ve been like last time. She should’ve melted all over her little girls, fussed and doted and loved on them and gotten so caught up in their little sassy little grins, their twinkly eyes, their mischief and their cozy baby snuggles. She should’ve breathed in the scent of baby on their skin and fallen head over heels in love with them.

    They deserved so much better than the broken girl she’d been. Maybe it wasn’t too late to fix it.

    Dov looked at her with those tired eyes, black rimmed in weary red, and she reached out and brushed her lips against his cheek. “Soon, love,” she said softly, lingering against his skin and nuzzling him. “We’ll find a safe place soon. I have to find the girls.” She blushed, pulled back and ducked her head.

    “I...oh. Should tell you. The--the baby. Was two. Girls. One’s…” She bit her lip and glanced up at him, not quite sure how to tell him. But he loved Defy so damn much, maybe he’d want to know. Hadn’t seemed like it when they talked last, but… “yours,” she finished softly, eyes locked on his face to catch every fleeting expression.

    “I...she doesn’t know yet. I was gonna introduce you when...well, when you came back to...see me,” and those last two words were whispered as her face fell a little. She bit the corner of her lip, her gaze dropping to the ground. He’d promised to come back for her, to come home to her, and...and the days had stretched into months, had stretched into a year. “I...didn’t handle things well. Think…”

    She wrapped Defy up in a little hug, draping her neck over him and tucking her chin against his side. “I had a really hard time with being a mom. Fucked a lot of things up. Broke Zor’s heart, ‘cause I haven’t been...we’re not...together. I know you said to go fix thing with him, but...I don’t want him like that. Told you I’m all yours and I meant it, apparently. Unless you don't--”

    Unless you don’t want me. Fuck, and why would he after everything? After how badly she’d failed his daughter, after that fucking monster--nope. Breathe. Deep slow breaths don’t put that on him. She closed her eyes and pushed it all down, pushed it all away and just breathed and held her baby boy and tried not to remember all the reasons Dov might not wanna touch her anymore.

    Shit. So much for being less broken. “Anyhow,” she whispered, not meeting his eyes. “I have to find the girls first.” And Zor too, she supposed, though hopefully they were together. “Then we can make our way to one of the safe places.”
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    #12
    dovev

    He loved that proud grin on his face as Defy beamed up at his momma. Such a good boy. Dovev would have to teach him to fight, a little at a time. Never too young to start learning. He definitely would, and it would help ensure Diz stayed safe as their boy got bigger. Stronger.

    "Soon, love," she told him, brushing a kiss on his cheek with a soft nuzzle. "We'll find a safe place soon. I have to find the girls." Ah, right. The girls. His and Zor's babies. So fucking weird that he'd gone from having a single kid to suddenly having three. Only one boy though, the little rascal. Perfect little champ lookin' so damn much like his daddy but in a good way for once.

    He nodded at her explanation, glancing away. She probably hadn't realized he'd run into Zor, that he'd already told Dov about them but that he didn't want Dizorien to know about him. Not really. Or at least to know that she wasn't Zoryn's girl, and he agreed with that. He wanted to see her though. He wanted to know his baby girl. He just couldn't be her daddy, was all. He could handle that probably. Maybe. It was for the best for her.

    Both of their eyes seemed to fall when she mentioned how he was supposed to come back to see Diz. And never showed. She didn't say that part aloud but it was loudly there for the both of them. He nodded stiffly. He wouldn't apologize, only that nothing he said would make it better, would make his absence okay. Being possessed for a while, then captive for a while more, then lost in a confused haze of only knowing Heartfire... It all seemed so little to what she'd been through and not worth mentioning. They felt like excuses somehow.

    She'd been through too much. She deserved better than his reasons and excuses. So he stayed quiet on it.

    She explained more, about how she felt like she'd failed. That he'd said to fix things with Zoryn and she felt she made them worse, failed at being a mom. Honestly, oddly, despite that it was his doing and he didn't regret it, he felt pain that Zoryn had gotten hurt in this. And he had no right to feel like he could breathe easier that she wasn't with Zoryn, not like they all had been before. That she didn't want him that way.

    That she was all his, and she'd meant it.

    Guilt and shame cut into him. His excuses were so pathetic no matter how real they were. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve anyone. Now was probably not the time to mention that he'd adopted a kid, had a daughter named Briella that he was frantic over. Oh god, he's gotta find her.

    He nodded again. She had to find the girls first before she could get to a safe haven. He would offer to take Defy, so she could travel quicker, find them sooner. But he didn't exactly have the right equipment to feed his baby, and offering to find some other chick to do it might likely get him killed. So for once he was wise enough not to speak up and offer to help.

    Except that he could, though. Maybe.

    "I could find them. I can bring them to you. I might get them sick though.." his voice faded off. He didn't want to get his and Zor's babies sick. Didn't want to get Diz and Defy sick. Fuck. He really needed to leave.

    He shifted, rounding up what strength he could muster to sit himself up with a grunt. "I should go. I don't want to get you sick either. I need you to go to a safe haven." He'd repeated it, but he didn't care. He didn't want them sick, he wanted them safe. He could find the girls and then find Diz again and reunite them.

    "I'll find them."

    we're slaves to any semblance of touch

    Lord, we should quit but we love it too much


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    #13
    His silence was deafening, ringing in her ears and echoing out through the whole damn forest with the sound of cracks racing across the surface of her heart. Not even a shut up, dummy, of course I do, just agonizing silence that felt so goddamn loud, a nod that could’ve been to any part of what she’d said, and clinging onto the subject change their daughter and her sister presented.

    She closed her eyes and breathed through the pain in her chest, through the way her throat clenched and her eyes burned and she had to fight to breathe normally like she wasn’t dying, like she wasn’t shattering all over again into a million pieces. She nodded back, holding Defy tighter until he squirmed just a tiny bit in sleepy protest over the pressure.

    Sorry, baby, she thought with little nibble at his withers and a soft huff of breath against his skin. He just snuggled a little deeper against her and drifted closer to sleep, apparently bored by all this baffling grownup talk. She snuck a soft little kiss to his fuzzy baby cheek, breathing in the scent of his skin, eyes closed so they couldn’t fill with tears.

    So Dov didn’t want her, not really. Wasn’t like she could blame him, or like she didn’t already know that, was it? She didn’t have to be his, just like that stupid goddamn fever nightmare. She could be hers. She could be Defy’s. She could be Zoe’s and Zynnie’s, if they wanted. If they let her. If she hadn’t already fucked that up too far to ever come back from it.

    “Sure,” she said softly, trying so fucking hard not to let her voice waver, pretending for all she was worth like he hadn’t said anything in that silence. “Pick a place, I don’t care. I don’t know any of them.Whichever you think is best.” She should protest, should be a good mom and find her girls herself, but at this point, what was failing them one more time, really? At least she was putting them in hands she trusted.

    You’re the only home I’ve ever known anyhow, she didn’t say out loud, not when he wouldn’t say it back. Not when he’d already shown her over the last year that he didn’t want her to be his home, no matter what he’d said once upon a time. She should’ve known better. She wasn’t the kind of girl who got the weird little happily ever after she’d dreamed of with him. She was disaster, and she was broken, and she wasn’t meant for fairy tale endings.
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    #14
    dovev

    "Sure," she said, her voice and eyes dulled. Shit. Well, it wasn't something he could fix just now. There was so damn much to get done first. "Pick a place, I don't care. I don't know any of them. Whichever you think is best."

    He nodded, frowning in thought. He wasn't about to send them to that damn ice chest. The only other he was familiar with was where the Ischian refugees had escaped to, as close to home for him as anything save for Ischia herself.

    It was probably a complete disaster. He's pretty stupid that way. But it meant his family would mostly all be in one place for him to protect. For his babies to play with one another. He nodded again, coming to the decision. Things could wait for now. He belonged to Ischia, his family belonged with the Ischians now that they were allowed to join him. But to the Island where they could not fall sick.

    "Come on, baby. I'll take you."

    He heaved up to his feet with an aching groan and fresh blood spilling down his forearm. It seemed that every time he'd tried to go find Leliana or Zoryn something came up. This would just be another one. But it was too important to skip out on. She was too important to skip out on again. He hadn't even meant to before, but she deserved better than excuses.

    His head bent to nose at their gorgeous boy.
    "Up, Defy. We gotta walk now, baby."

    He turned them towards home, and swore somehow he'd make sure this wasn't just another of his goddamn grand mistakes. He wanted her near, their boy near. Zoryn and the girls near, too. The only family he'd ever had was Cerva. Being surrounded by family shouldn't be a bad thing.

    He hoped this wasn't just another of his goddamn grand mistakes.

    we're slaves to any semblance of touch

    Lord, we should quit but we love it too much


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