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  • Beqanna

    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    [mature]  all things change; LELIANA
    #1

    (I don't know how this mature setting works, so M for Mature - Strong language xD)



    Once it had confused the poor lad on how easy it was to both love and hate someone. It had confused him for months as he tried to work out how it was possible to both love and hate your captor. Once Grumble had released him, pulled the halter from his head and sent him on his way in a cloud of magic, Chaol had awoken lost and confused as to why he wanted to violently rip open Grumble with his teeth and the warring emotions of love and protect that wouldn’t let him.


    Confusing it was, to be pulled from your home into a different world, only to be thrown back again. But he had given him a power, something that added more to him, something that would have likely made his grandfather proud had he realized. But when he had returned home, they were all gone.


    Reeling from the loss and the confusion of the quest, Chaol had escaped the shores that he had grown up on.


    It had taken him another week or so before he realized he was the size of a three year old instead of his two year old self. He had figured out how to reverse it back to his normal size. Once the confusion of all of it managed to right itself somewhat in his brain, Chaol started to practice. He learned how to shift his wings at will, as well as change his size with a thought.


    And so here he was a couple years later, fully grown and much more in charge and confident in himself that he had been back then.


    While he could change his wings at will, he still preferred the wings that he had first learned. Blue and green and black, a brilliant contrast and addition to the purple and magenta of his body. He was in the air now, enjoying the feel of the cold wind through his feathers and across the hard lines of his body. His eyes closed, he swoops and dives until he no longer finds the appeal in it and then settles amongst the tall grasses along this quiet edge of the Meadow. He liked it here, it was quiet, not as many of the others around.


    While the Meadow was large, it could sometimes feel as if there were far too many people in it. So to find this nice quiet edge of it was nice. He could see the others, likely they could see him too, a fury of colors amongst the green and browns of autumn. So it’s a little bit of a surprise however, when he stumbles upon her and sees the sadness and anger in her eyes. “Oh, shit.” His witty repertoire as always stumbles from his mouth. “Oh, god, I’m sorry. I can go.” But he peers a little closer, his eyes narrowing in on the tear tracks on her face and he can’t just leave her.


    “Damn.” He mumbles to himself, just under his breath, and then louder. “Hey, you okay lady?” His hooves shuffling him closer, his eyes travelling the line of her body as he takes her in, checking for any obvious signs of injury or stress and let’s be real, other things that are trivial right now.
    Reply
    #2

    I waited for something, and something died
    so I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

    She is still reeling.

    It’s been days but she still wakes with an ache in her gut. She still wakes trembling. She struggles to eat, struggles to sleep, struggles to do anything but move through this life like a ghost. If it weren’t for Adna, she’s not sure what she would be doing—where she would be. But she still has her daughter, and she does her best for her. She presses soft kisses into her scaled forehead each morning, ignoring the way she wants to wince from how much she looks like Vulgaris. She pulls her close at night, telling her grand stories, reassuring her that her father was concerned about a pending war and had asked for them to stay safe outside of the boundaries of Loess for now. She doesn’t know if Adna buys it completely—the girl was frighteningly perceptive—but she doesn’t fight her on it. Perhaps she wanted to believe the lie too.

    Heavens know Leliana does.

    Sometimes, she can almost convince herself that it’s the truth. When Adna asks her when they’ll see daddy again, she can almost convince herself it’s the truth when she says soon. She can almost convince herself that it will only be a few days, that they will be reunited as a family soon.

    But as soon as Adna turns around, as soon as sleep claims her, the truth comes rushing back.

    That is where she is at now, having dropped Adna off at the playground with a kiss, shooing her away from her skirts and letting her go adventure in peace. It’s for the best, she reminds herself, but that does not stop the way the pain comes rushing back, nearly causing her to double up with the reminder.

    She walks to the meadow in a daze and if she cries, she doesn’t realize it. Doesn’t see the other horses that she passes. Doesn’t even notice that her wings have turned serpentine around her sides, a painful reminder of the one she has lost. She doesn’t notice anything until he stumbles upon her. She barely registers his first words, her hazel eyes blinking, trying to bring him into focus. “Oh,” is all she says, her voice breathy, her chest tight. She takes a step back instinctually and then lifts her chin, feeling the strange disconnect, the way she seems to exist outside of her body, observing but not feeling.

    “I’m okay,” she lies, because it’s easier than trying to slice herself open with the memory.

    it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
    it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end

    [Image: avatar-1975.gif]
    the heaviness in my heart belongs to gravity
    Reply
    #3
    “No you’re not. I know bullshit when I see it.” He snorts, stepping a little closer. “You’re not bleeding.” His eyes travel along her form again, his words more of a statement than much else. He circles around her, notices the wings and smiles a bit. He hadn’t donned serpentine wings in some time, maybe later he would remember what it felt like. Instead he comes back around in front of her, settling there. “You don’t look physically hurt….” He trailed off, taking another long look at her face.

    “Oh..” Usually it was only one thing that made others look like she did, all broken on the inside, like her light had been distinguished. While he hasn’t ever felt that way before (except those first couple weeks after Grumble) when it counted, he had done his own fair share of watching others. When he was younger he could remember the hopeful gleam in his mother’s eyes as she hoped her father, his grandfather, was proud of her. He also remembered how he liked to keep her desperate for his pride, his love.

    The bastard. The more he had grown, the more he had thought of it and he never wanted to be that manipulative. Never wanted to be like that part of his bloodline, and often he was thankful that Grumble took him when he had, so when he went back there had been nothing there. It had thrown him for a while, trying to find his place, but he had found it again. He had steadied his legs underneath him.

    “Do you want me to go kick his ass for you?” A small smile curling the edges of his lips, his wings relaxing lazily until the tips of them touched the ground. He settled his weight to the side, one hoof settling on the edges as he tucked in for the long haul. After all, she was cute, even with the broken look in her eyes. But he wasn’t that much of a bastard to go after her when she was down.

    He would definitely help prop her back up though.
    Reply
    #4

    I waited for something, and something died
    so I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

    He is sharp-edged and blunt and she takes a step back in defense, surprised by his response. Her eyes widen slightly, her lips parting on a shaky breath. She isn’t sure how to combat him, where she would even start. She’s not okay—she knows that. She knows better than to think that any of this is okay. But she can’t afford to let herself sink into completely. She can’t afford to let the waves of it crash over her head because if she does, she may never get up again, she may never find a way to breathe.

    And she has to, for Adna.

    Her hazel eyes trace the edges of his face, wondering what about him makes him want to delve into her own hurt like it’s his responsibility. She wants to brush him off, continue to deny, but she finds that she has very little defense before his probing eyes and so she just shrugs a little, giving him a small smile.

    “No thank you,” her voice is quiet as she looks up beneath the swath of her crimson forelock. She appreciates the offer, finds herself drawn to his warmth and the way he opens it up to her without reservation. It’s been so long since she’s been able to enjoy such a simple conversation with no strings attached. “I’ve had my fill of violence,” she thinks back to Vulgaris’ rage about Dovev, about Dovev’s constant wounds, about how Vulgaris would come crawling home with his face shredded.
    
“And I don’t think it will help this anyway.”

    For a second she is quiet before she finds his eyes again, searching them for a second.

    “My name is Leliana.”

    it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
    it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end

    [Image: avatar-1975.gif]
    the heaviness in my heart belongs to gravity
    Reply
    #5
    He could almost see the question in her eyes, the why me? Why her? Why not her. Too much broken in this world, not enough damn horses trying to fix it. He hadn’t missed the small step backwards, nor her eyes widening in surprise either. His tail flicking irritatedly at his haunches, not at her, never at her. She had done nothing. From what he could see she looked like the nice girl, maybe with some spirit, that always get broken.

    “Ultimately it makes you stronger, you know.” His ears flickering forwards, wings shuffling ever so slightly. “Because you learn how to live without him, but he will never get over living without you.” A crooked smile. And then her quiet words cause him to quiet, a slight nod of acknowledgement before she continues. But her words cause a hot fire to start to burn low in his belly, his eyes sharpen. “Did that bastard hurt you? Sorry darling, but if he did I am going to kick his ass.” He stepped closer, nostrils flaring as he searched for signs of blood or the lingering edges of fear.

    By now there wasn’t much space between them, but he had never been one for personal space anyways. His eyes are pulled back to her face, a crooked smile curling his lips again as he realized they were indeed probably too close than she would like before he backed up again. “Beautiful name. Mine’s Chaol.”

    He hadn’t forgotten the question he had asked but he soothed himself with the thoughts of what he would do to the bastard once he found him. And it would maybe take a while because if she flew here than there was nothing to follow her back too. But there had been the scent of another lingering on her skin so maybe that was it? He blinked, clearing his mind from his thoughts as he let the anger
    simmer until she answered.

    “My Grandfather was a right manipulative bastard. He liked to keep his mares and his daughters around and arrange their breedings to make the best possible outcome. I was young when I was swept up into a Quest and by the time I got back they were all gone.” He shrugs. “I realize now what I saw then. A couple of years under my belt away from it all and I realize we weren’t normal. So now I don’t much care for seeing anyone broken.” His own lock of forelock falling across his face roguishly. “Just so you know.”

    A mischievous grin, curling his lips. “Besides, pretty girls should have smiles on their faces not tear tracks.”
    Reply
    #6

    I waited for something, and something died
    so I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

    His presence is a comfort and she finds she is momentarily soothed by it. She lets it wash over her, working out the knots in her spine, letting his roguish smile serve as a balm to an uneasy soul. She can tell that she upset him by her reaction, feeling the anger simmering underneath the surface and the worry. She closes the small distance between them, pressing the velvet of her crimson nose into his neck, letting it sit there for a moment so that she can breathe him in before she takes a step back, her hazel eyes finding his.

    “He didn’t hurt me,” she says softly, because he hadn’t—not physically. “He never laid a hand on me.” He was always gentle with her, always kind. She knew of the danger that simmered beneath his surface, the hunger that roiled in his stomach, but she had never feared that he would turn it against her. How many times had she felt the edge of his fang against her flesh, always knowing the venom that could so easily be slipped into her bloodstream? But he had never dared. Never done anything to cause her harm.

    Until he broke her.

    She is quiet for a second, her lips quirking just slightly in the corners at his compliment at her name, but her face mostly growing concerned at his story. When it grows quiet again, she just looks at him, studying him. “I’m sorry. That’s an awful thing to experience.” Her lips press together in thought before she continues. “I never knew my family—not really. My sister and I were orphaned at a young age. I have no idea where my parents are. We were raised by our uncle.” He wasn’t really her uncle; instead, he was some distant relation who had taken them under his wing, letting them roam wild and free but safe.

    She shrugs a little, dismissing it before looking at the ground, a frown creasing her lips.

    “Chaol, do you think,” her voice fades off before she finds it again, “do you think someone can love just one soul for their entire life? Do you think someone could ever be enough to earn that kind of loyalty?”

    it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
    it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end

    [Image: avatar-1975.gif]
    the heaviness in my heart belongs to gravity
    Reply
    #7
    She pressed her nose into his neck and he stilled, surprised by the touch. Her nostrils flare against his skin and before she steps back he drags his lips across her shoulder, taking in her scent. Her touch is just as soothing to him as he is to her. He hasn’t been touched by anyone in so long that he wants to wallow in the touches she graces him with. He has forgotten the soft touch of another, and how much it makes you ache for more.

    He can’t speak for a moment afterwards, the ache stuck in his throat, but he nods acknowledging that she hadn’t been physically hurt. “Good.” His witty repertoire failing momentarily.

    “Oh no beautiful, I didn’t tell you my story for you to feel sorry for me. I just wanted to let you know, why you. Because absolutely no fucking one deserves to be broken for others selfish wants.” His wings flaring just slightly before he tucks them back tightly against his sides, the flash of anger there in his eyes again before he settles. “Sorry, I find I’m more passionate about it than in my youth. The more I think about it, the more…” He shakes his head. “Sometimes I think it’s better when others take you in and make you family, give you that love you need that’s hopefully healthier than what you might have gotten.”

    She frowns, voice trailing off but he keeps his eyes on her own hazel ones. He is quiet for a few seconds as he contemplates her question. Then he sighs. “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t believe it’s about loyalty though. I think it’s about selflessness and being strong enough to let someone else love you and loving them in return. I think there’s probably a lot of failed attempts before finding that one that wants you by their side no matter what.” He blinks, looking away from her briefly, but just briefly before he stretches his nose out to touch her gently. “I think that it’s not your fault, whatever the reason.”

    He just acts, slipping closer to her, pressing his chest against her own in a hug and wrapping his wings around her protectively. “Don’t worry beautiful, I got you.” He says softly.
    Reply
    #8

    I waited for something, and something died
    so I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

    She thinks on his words for a minute, letting them sink in, weighing them in her hands.

    There is so much of them that make sense, and she wants to believe it. She wants to believe that it just takes someone wanting it enough, that you don’t need to be enough to earn that kind of love. It makes sense, but she still struggles to accept it. She has heard stories of great loves. She’s seen it. She knows what it’s like for two souls to merge together, tightening to become one, the idea of leaving unimaginable.

    Why wasn’t she enough for that?

    Why was she so easy to leave?

    She feels the familiar sorrow rise in her throat but she stifles it when he steps in close. His touch burns at first because it reminds her of she had once stood with Vulgaris, the sound of the river roaring in her ears. She remembers what it felt like against his broad chest, his heart beat thudding next to her own. She remembers what it felt like to trace patterns into his scaled back, to tell him that he felt like home. The way they had spilled themselves together and he had invited her home, to raise the child growing in her.

    Now, she stands chest to chest with someone, life flourishing in her belly.

    But there’s no home for her now.

    Still, she relaxes into his touch, feeling his wings come up her sides. She takes a deep breath and leans her cheek against his back. Her healing unloosens in her chest and she lets it flow into him, letting the golden light of it take its time through him. There is not much for her to heal, no critical wounds to tie together, but she is deft enough to find the minor hurts, the old bruises, the worn muscles. She lets her gift make its way through him, soothing what it can before it comes back to settle into her hands, content with its work.

    “Thank you,” she finally manages, finding it easier to talk when not under his gaze.

    “I needed a friend today.”

    it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
    it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end

    [Image: avatar-1975.gif]
    the heaviness in my heart belongs to gravity
    Reply
    #9
    The warmth of the unexpected healing coursed through his body. It unfurled slowly like a flower in the springtime sun. Her body relaxed against his own and he smiled a small smile that she couldn’t see. Had he known that she was currently growing another little body in hers he would have doubly called the father a bastard, but for now he was unaware. It wouldn’t have mattered in the long term, he was already deciding that he was going to be her new shadow until she no longer needed him.

    He makes a noise, a humming of acknowledgement before he speaks. “That’s what I’m here for darlin’.” He settles his head along the length of her back, his wings settling lightly upon her haunches. The tips of his feathers touching there just along her spine. He sighs softly, closing his eyes and reveling in the warmth of her touch and in the softness of her skin. He smiles, taking stolen moments he knew that he shouldn’t.

    “Do you want to talk about any of it?” He asks her quietly after a long moment where there was nothing said. “Maybe it would help, purging it out instead of keeping it stuck in your head.” He doesn’t move, but his eyes open. “And so I can assure you once again that it has nothing to do with you.” Shit, he could see why someone fell in love with her. He didn’t know what it felt like, but his protectiveness of her was something new.

    She was practically perfect. Soft and caring, willing to give some of her energy without taking any of his. She was even kind of cuddly, which he was finding out that he liked a rather lot. So caring, he was finding out. She did not deserve an ounce of the pain that he was feeling. And he still wanted to beat his ass for putting those tears on her face in the first place.
    Reply
    #10

    I waited for something, and something died
    so I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

    It’s calming to find herself in this moment, to let it wash over her.

    Like an echo of another time, a memory softened by years and the pressure of the waves, the pounding of each frantic heartbeat. She wants to relax in it, she wants to let it fill her up, but she cannot stop herself from aching for the original, reaching for the sharp edges of it that only cut her apart. She is a foolish girl, she thinks. She is a foolish girl to constantly cry for the sun, for the moon, and to yearn for the hurt.

    She feels the tears on the edges of her eyes again, but she takes a deep breaths and they evaporate.

    “I don’t even know where I would start,” she whispers, the words barely taking shape on the edges of her lips. It feels odd to have someone ask such pointed questions of her. She wasn’t used to someone taking an invested interest in her and her feelings and she shies from it, unsure of how to behave beneath the spotlight of his concern. She takes a deep breath, chest swelling against his own, and then settles again into his embrace. “It’s difficult to pick the threads from the tapestry, to see the details on their own.”

    Another thoughtful pause as she tries to gather herself, pulling her thoughts together.

    “I just wish I knew what to do next.”

    She closes her eyes on a wince.

    “I can’t lie to my daughter forever, Chaol. How do I tell her that her father didn’t want us anymore?”

    The words burn as she says them and she feels the piercing pain as she thinks of Adna. Vulgaris was her daughter’s hero—her knight, her prince, her everything. It was one thing to think of the rest of her life, and the loneliness that would come with it, but to think of telling Adna the truth?

    Perhaps she was a coward. She just couldn't bear to think of it.

    it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
    it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end

    [Image: avatar-1975.gif]
    the heaviness in my heart belongs to gravity
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