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  • Beqanna

    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    [mature]  diabolical, delicious things;
    #1
    The devil nudged her a few times, but Dizzy was too far gone to open her eyes, too far gone to do anything more than twitch uselessly and blow out a soft huff of protest.  He lost interest eventually and left her to die, and Dizzy had just enough fight left in her to drag that death out as long as possible.

    She didn’t notice the contractions, drowned out as they were in a sea of agony, all her pain nerves firing desperately, furiously, as if her brain couldn’t already tell she was in trouble. Stripped bare, burned flesh oozing, pieces of her burned skin left lying on the ground, strewn about like discarded wrapping paper the devil had peeled free of her flesh. Bruised, battered, brutalized beyond recognition, there was barely enough left of her to push a tiny surprise baby out of her, and even his small body scraping against her burned insides was enough to overwhelm her senses and cause her vision to fade out for a long moment.

    Maybe she was bleeding to death. It would makes sense. She’d thought he’d cauterized all her wounds to make her last longer, but maybe he hadn’t bothered the last time. Morbid curiosity forced one eyelid open, and she panted and fought to raise her head to see…

    A baby?

    She was delusional. It was the only real explanation she could think of. Pain had made her insane, and she’d started to hallucinate. Except the bundle of baby made a grumpy little squeak and flailed a little, fighting almost as hard as she was to raise its head and look at her.

    If she could have, she might have scrambled to her feet, reared up and crushed its perfect little face beneath her hooves. She could imagine it, the way it would crunch and splatter, spurting blood and brain and bits of skull bursting from its skin as its body spasmed and went still. It would be kinder, ending its life before the devil could find it.

    Before it could look at her.

    The self-pity in that last pathetic thought would have been enough to stop her, if she'd been able to get to her feet anyhow. She let her head fall to the ground and just kept breathing as the baby grunted and protested with an angry little snort, clearing its nostrils and huffing impatience all at once.

    A good mother would have found her way to her feet, cleaned her baby off, helped it to rise and nurse. She was no good mother. Even as the baby scrambled to stand she lay still, stubbornly dragging in breath after ragged breath. She might have blacked out again for a moment, because the next thing she new it was touching her cheek with a gentle little brush of its muzzle. She snorted and jerked, eyes wide and staring up at--oh. Yes. Baby. Not the devil. And clearly not the devil’s either, not with a black coat splashed with Dov’s bold, starry blue.

    Two pairs of dark eyes met, one rich brown and the other verging on black. She stared at the baby and just breathed for a long moment, memorizing that face just in case it was the last thing she saw. Given half a chance, it would grow up beautiful, she could see that in the lines of its face, the gorgeous play of color across its coat. So damn striking, and her weary eyes traced the pattern across its skin, wandering idly. It even had little baby winglets peeking out of its back, all covered in fluffy black baby down.

    God, and its dad’s lip spot, a splash of blue and white that crashed up against the black at the corner of its mouth, making her stupid heart skip a beat in her chest. Well, that or her heart was failing, always a possibility too. Little of a, little of b, maybe? Who could even tell. Probably she wasn’t gonna make it long though, not at this point. So she raised her head to touch the baby gently with what used to be the velvet softness of her nose.

    “Defy,” she murmured with a broken voice, and she wasn’t quite sure if it was a name or a command. 

    But the baby nodded, huffed out a breath, and flicked its ears back in the cutest little grumpy expression that looked so damn much like its daddy. “Mine,” it demanded, and this time the word washed over her and eased the pain just a little, setting a piece of the world to rights. 

    She nodded slowly and murmured agreement. “Yours.” Let out her slow, shaky breath and answered, “and you’re mine,” and pressed a soft little kiss to the spot at the corner of its lip.

    “Duh.” Its sassy tone coaxed a hoarse little laugh out of her as her eyes drifted closed again, vision fading out on the sight of her little one standing guard over her, wobbly legs splayed, ears pinned as it looked around, dark eyes watchful and wary.

    @[Dovev]
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    #2
    Home was safe, dark and quiet and warm, cozy in this blissfully undisturbed way that left the boy sleepy and content, happy to curl up niiice and tiny even as his body developed more and more. Tiny was sneaky and tricky, and made him smile to himself with a little wiggle and a flutter of his itty bitty wings. He was gonna be the best surprise ever.

    It was almost time to come out. He knew by the way it got so, so hard to stay still, by the way even the vastness of home’s warm embrace didn't feel big enough anymore, by the way his cozy contentment started to fade, replaced by restless irritation.

    And then the world suddenly felt a whole lot less safe. Spikes of fear leaked in through his belly, spreading in a way that told him it was not his but Mom’s. His little ears heard the way her steady heartbeat took to racing, heard screams muffled by layers of flesh and fluids. Chemicals coursed through him, trying to keep him calm and alert and ready to act, but there was nothing he could do. Home shook and crashed, screamed and cried, and there was nothing he could do.

    She kept him safe as she burned, as she bled, and he could feel her rage and pain and her endless defiance. Ohhh, his chest puffed up with pride even as he fretted, hidden away safe inside home.

    Home got a lot less safe though, bright and hot invading and retreating , the nightmare orange lighting through flesh and making home glow, making his eyes squint and try to focus.

    It wasn't long after that her body gave out and they crashed to the earth. And still he could feel the fight in her veins, flowing into him, flowing through him. So strong, his Mom. She held him until everything was quiet again, until the danger passed and the fear faded from their blood. And then, when it was as safe as she could manage, home pushed him out.

    He entered the world with a plop, just a tiny glob of tissue filled with fluids, tied to Mom still by his belly. The cord broke though as he grew rapidly, expanding out to his full size, tearing through the tiny birth sac and gasping in a breath as she raised her raw, mangled head to look at him.

    To be honest, he didn’t know what a mom was supposed to look like. But he was pretty sure not that. He peeked down at himself, and nope, he wasn’t all gross and oozey and cracked peeling bleeding ick. Just hair that wasn’t even that wet ‘cause he’d gotten big and the wet had not. Okay. So probably that was the screaming and the scary things and all, ‘cause also the air smelled like danger and burning and charred hair and skin and there were bits of what looked like Mom skin sorta strewn about and yeah okay that...was bad.

    Bad, bad, bad, bad, very bad.

    At least whatever had hurt her was gone now, or he hoped so anyhow. But what the hell was he supposed to do though? His ears flicked back all anxious, and he worried at the corner of his lip, looking around and trying to make his eyes focus even though that was a whole new thing, being able to see farther than the inside of Mom. Well. If she couldn’t take care of him now that he was out, he’d have to take care of her. So. Yeah.

    He took a big breath, huffed it out, steeling himself to try and get up. It took a couple of goes, ‘cause he’d never been this big before and it was a little disorienting there being like, a ground to stand on and having to hold his weight up with his legs and balance on them when really they were just big long sticks to wobble on. But after a couple of failed tries, he managed it, standing on splayed legs and ducking his head to sniff at Mom and touch her cheek lightly. She jerked with a soft, scared little cry, and he crooned gently and found a spot to touch that still had skin.

    She stared up at him, and he looked right back, peering into her eyes for the first time as a feeling of safety washed over him and chased away all the scary stuff for just a moment. His mom. She was his mom, and look how hard she’d fought to keep him safe already. She touched him gently and croaked out his name, and he puffed out his chest again and took it on happily, and gave her the only truth he knew in return.

    “Mine.”

    Her answering claim back was obvious enough he barely commented on it, but her little kiss to the side of his face made him grin even as she closed her eyes and drifted off again. So he stood guard over his Mom, not sure what else to do.

    Something rustled in the trees, and he huffed and puffed himself up real big, flaring out his baby wings and snorting and stomping. “RAAAH!” he yelled as big as he could, and well hey at least successfully scared off a squirrel, so. Good. Best protector. He tossed his head and snorted again, arching his neck and charging after it a step ‘til it ran faster. And then um tripped over a damn rock on the way back to Mom.

    Good thing the squirrel didn’t see that.

    He caught himself and managed not to fall on his face at least, and cleared his throat and stood guard over Mom again.

    ‘Til someone who looked super fuckin’ scary came into sight, and he wanted to shrink down so damn tiny and hide in the crook of Mom’s neck. But her neck was a whole lot of hurt right now, so it was his job to be big and brave. So he narrowed his eyes and flared out his little baby wings and growled. “Mine,” he told the man covered in bones, blood oozing out of the edges. “You can’t hurt her, I won’t let you.”
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    #3
    dovev

    He hadn't been trying to find her this time, oddly enough. The last time he did he'd had a run-in with Zoryn. Likely the bastard would kill him if he found him here with her like this. Even from this distance, Dov could tell she was completely tore up, far passed any natural healing could ever fix. And so really, he didn't stick around long. Time was of the essence.

    He didn't even give the boy much more than a super brief, cursory glance, just to see he was whole in general. He ignored any other of his appearance, blocked it out because he was sure it would be Zoryn's child and he didn't want to see, to really see.

    The kid was fine, a little spitfire brat like his parents.

    Dov turned and took off, bottling in all emotions, reserving them for later when he could explore them in full. All his one-track mind had right now was getting Leliana, the only healer he knew save for a brief run-in with one he had no way of tracking down soon enough. He had no other options. He couldn't let her die. And he would stay to protect Leli after she falls, as he always would.

    Later, he might be thankful that they didn't know each other and the nature of their relationships with him. But also, so what. It didn't matter anyway, did it.

    we're slaves to any semblance of touch

    Lord, we should quit but we love it too much



    ummm sorry. no yeah, i was right :| he legit just wants to get heals to her asap. so um, brb :|

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    #4
    Yeah! That’s right, you’d better run! Defy snorted and stomped and tossed his head as the scary bone man with the starry blue legs turned and ran away. Damn right! ‘Cause he was scary too! He arched his neck and flared out his little baby chick wings and preened, so fuckin’ proud of himself he could barely stand it. He was the best big brave boy, and the very best protector and guardian, and he was takin’ such good care of Mom! He pranced back over to her, and this time even didn’t trip on a rock or nothin’!

    He sobered up though when he got back to her side. His belly clenched with a feeling he didn’t like, one that crept along his back and up his neck and made him all tense and tight and anxious, and he worried at the corner of his lip where it was blue speckled with stars. “Mom?” he asked softly, reaching out with a hesitant little muzzle to brush his nose juuust barely against her cheek. She made a pained little whuff sound, so he knew at least she was still breathing and shit. Ugh, she had to be okay though. She was his, and his only, and what would he do if she wasn’t?

    No. She would be okay. He’d make sure of it. Maybe he could like, lick her and make her better. That was a thing, right? Probably, so he tried it, picking a spot of yuck to lick--which wasn’t hard, since most of her was pretty mangled and icky. He licked her face, right by her mouth, and she just made another soft ouchie sound and didn’t get better.

    Oh.

    Okay. Um. Okay so that didn’t work. He caught a soft, anxious whine just as it started to escape from his throat. His little ears were laid back, and oh man but he wanted to be so, so tiny, just snuggled up in the crook of her neck. He’d fit so perfectly right there, he could even see the spot, and he could snuggle right in and be so cozy and safe. Right now did not feel safe at all, and he reallyyy wanted safe.

    Ugh, and his tummy was growling too, and he could smell food somewhere in the mangled mess that was Mom. But nosing at her hurt her, and anyhow he didn’t know where to look exactly. And besides, he had to protect her, and that was hard to do when you were eating. Plus the fire had probably like crustified any food there was. So that sounded kinda gross. If it was a thing even. Maybe it wasn’t, ‘cause he smelled it and it made his tummy rumble so, so hard.

    Mom musta heard, 'cause she groaned and tried to stand, but mostly just managed to roll a little and shift one of her legs. So he whined softly again and followed the scent that made his tummy so very rumbly, and nudged so, so gently. She still hissed through gritted teeth, but she didn’t shove him away, and moved her leg a little more so he could try to reach.

    He had to shrink a little bit to manage it, but just for a minute, okay? Just for a minute, and he ate as fast as he could, sweet rich milk flowing into his mouth mingled with a little blood that made it taste kinda funny but he was too hungry to care, and he wasn’t about to complain. Not when she was hurting so bad. He ate so, so fast, and then let her rest. Just snuck up to her face to give her another soft little kiss, and got all melty warm inside when she huffed softly and brushed her lips against the starry spot at the corner of his mouth.

    “Love you, Momma,” he said, trying really hard not to worry, or at least to pretend he wasn’t super scared ‘til...well. Hell. Til something magic happened? Or? Til she rested enough and was okay? Thinking about what came next made his breath come fast and his heartbeat race and his bottom baby teeth chatter up against his gums. “You’re gonna be okay, okay?” he said, or begged, he wasn’t really sure. “I’m gonna take the best care of you.”

    “Love,” Momma said softly back, and that was all she could manage. But he knew. He knew the rest.

    So he stood watch, protecting her from all manner of scary fluffy things, chasing off squirrels and rabbits and even a big scary deer with pointy horns, and not panicking at all as her breath got shallower and raspier. He was the best protector. Her big brave boy. Her Defy. And she was his Momma. And she was gonna be okay.

    Somehow.
    Reply
    #5
    dovev

    He held his silence, pressing them on at a hard pace. She was sick, and he kept that in mind, but Dizzy would die and so he could only feel a little bad that he pushed them so hard. They had to get there in time. He wished it could've been someone else, another healer. But he hadn't been tracking Kota's whereabouts, and he didn't know any others.

    There was only Leliana.

    "You don't need to thank me for this, Dovev."

    God, would it always hurt to hear her say his name?

    "I will always be here for you."

    Fuck. Yeah, he knew. And she shouldn't. Why would she never accept that? His life wasn't good for her. She was too good for him. It would never work. He'd break her at every turn without even meaning to. They could have a family and he'd just bring danger to them constantly. That was no way for her to live. Or his kids. He didn't fucking want any more kids. He'd learned his lesson with his first and only.

    Atrani's rejection of her daddy was nearly more painful than losing Cerva was. He'd killed her. He'd broken their family. He broke everything.

    He never wanted to see Leliana the way his last moments with Cerva had been. He couldn't do that to someone again. Not Leliana.

    He was glad when they finally reached her, when he could sense Leliana already stretching her magic, letting it flow into Dizzy and take care of the most vital emergencies. Saving her life. "Not too much!" he clipped sharply, worried that her damn stubborn nature would have her exhausting herself to death. Literal death. She'd kill herself just to save a life. She'd nearly done it for him a time or two.

    He didn't expect her to listen, to stem her magic and conserve her energy. So without thinking, reacting in his fear of losing her, he reached out and pinched her, his teeth clamping on her neck hard and releasing. "Enough, Leliana." It was a stern command, but also a goddamn plea. "Rest first, then you can do more. Alive will have to be good enough. Please." His fear managed to leak into that last word, his eyes begging. The one and only time they would.

    And his gaze fell on Diz once more, to survey the remaining damage. Calculating with a guess how long Leliana would need to stay, if she would, to finish the healing.

    He'd forgotten about the child, lost as he was in watching her revive Dizzy from her near-death state.

    we're slaves to any semblance of touch

    Lord, we should quit but we love it too much


    Reply
    #6

    I waited for something, and something died
    so I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

    She remains quiet the rest of the way to this mother. 

    She’s said her piece, and she focuses instead of conserving her energy as best she can. She has no idea of what she is walking into. She has no idea the extent of the damage, but if it’s as bad as Dovev says—and she has no reason to believe that he’d risk so much to come find her—then it won’t be an easy task. If she was at full strength, it’d be one thing, but she’s not; she hasn’t been for a while. The exhaustion from trying to heal Warrick still simmers in her blood and no amount of rest has been able to squash it just yet.

    If she was to be useful here, she’d need everything she could muster.

    Which meant that she needs to be quiet as they walk, focusing only on the quickened pace of Dovev.

    Such things, however, fall away when they finally reach the mare on the ground and the little colt. She instantly takes in the celestial markings, the constellations splashed across his little coat, and she is surprised by the way it guts her. She takes in a steadying breath, feeling slightly light-headed, but she doesn’t have the luxury of letting the agony roll through her. She can’t afford to let the reality of the situation—that Dovev has brought her to one of his loves and their child together—sink in.

    So she pushes it to the side, swallowing and turning her hazel eyes to the boy. “It’s going to be okay,” she breathes, her voice even and soft—always so calm, regardless of what she felt inside. “I’m here to help.”

    Then, without wasting any further time, she reaches for her gift, unravelling it in her palm. The golden light of it whimpers slightly, as exhausted as she, but she coaxes it forth, and it eventually it responds. She closes her eyes and then lets it pool forward, reaching for the mare on the ground. Everything else goes to black as she works her way through the mare’s body. The little boy is no longer there. Dovev is no longer there. It’s only her and the mare and the wounds, and the mounting concern in her chest at the magnitude.

    She frowns as she works, worry knitting her brows together, sweat beginning to darken her neck.

    Her concentration is so much that she doesn’t even hear Dovev the first time he snaps at her. It’s only when she feels his teeth gripping and yanking her that she opens her eyes, her golden light recoiling into her chest. Her expression is cool, her eyes unflinching as they find his and she stares at him without saying a word for a second. “At least you’ve learned to say please,” she says quietly before turning her attention back to the mare. The worst of the wounds had been stitched together, the bleeding and the burns, but there was so much more to do—so much more to accomplish. “I will be fine,” she whispers to Dovev, unwilling to feel the depth of his concern, not letting herself feel his fear. "Let me do what you brought me here for."

    Stepping forward, she moves to Disastardly, her muzzle skimming over her neck breathing softly.

    “It’s going to be okay,” she repeats, this time to the mother. “I’m here to help.”

    She would deal with her own wounds from this some other time.

    it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
    it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end

    [Image: avatar-1975.gif]
    the heaviness in my heart belongs to gravity
    Reply
    #7
    The more time passed, the more Mom’s breath rasped and wheezed and caught in her throat. And the more labored it sounded, the more desperately Defy wanted to curl up against her and hide, wanted to be pressed up against her chest with her chin tucked around him. But he was so, so careful not to touch her too much, not where she was raw and oozing, which was almost everywhere.

    So he stood over her, keeping her safe, until one time she breathed out and forgot to breathe back in. “Mom?!” he yelped, and nudged her frantically. He might not know much, but he was pretty sure not breathing was a bad, bad thing. “Mom!” He burrowed against her, fitting himself into that cozy safe space even if it’d hurt her, nudging with his nose and making sharp little terrified whimpers with every wriggle and twist ‘til she cried out softy and gasped in a breath and held him tight just where he’d wanted to be this whole time.

    Tears trailed down his cheeks, and his body shook as he curled against her chest, weary but too afraid he’d fall asleep and wake up all alone. “You gotta stay, Mom. Here with me, okay? I need you.” She nodded and struggled to rise up, to sit upright instead of sprawling out on the ground, but she was too weak. “No, shh, it’s okay. Rest, just...just don’t leave me.” She let out a heavy sigh and settled back down, but her chest kept rising and falling, and he pressed his head against her and listened to her heart still beating. Still beating.

    He stayed curled up against her chest, listening and making sure she was living up to her nod and staying with him. He didn’t even get up to chase away a chittery yelly squirrel that probably wanted to eat them but was too dumb and small to manage it anyhow.

    It felt like forever that he was curled up like that, scared and shaking and listening so hard for Mom’s heart to keep making that safe, familiar, cozy sound that had wrapped him up and snuggled him for so long. But it felt like not long enough when the big scary bone man came back with company. He scrambled to his feet, eyes wide, heart racing, his ears pinned back and his jaw set. He squared off and snorted and stomped his tiny little foot, stretching out little baby chick wings again and trying to make himself  b i g  when he was so, so much better at being small.

    Nobody was gonna hurt his mom. Not again.

    But the new big scary person came close anyhow, even though he huffed and reared up a little to stomp even bigger and tried to scare her off with a yell that worked pretty well on rabbits and squirrels. He started to shake as she got too close, but...but she talked. And her voice was soooft, and maybe not so scary, murmuring the exact thing he needed to hear. He didn’t quite believe until Mom’s breathing got easier and she sighed and relaxed.

    Well. Not until she breathed in again after that. A few times. Look, it took him a minute, okay? But Mom seemed like she was hurting less, and that was the important thing. So he scurried out of the way - after all, he was pretty scary and good at chasing things off, and he didn’t want to chase away help.

    He watched them both, the bone man and the lady with the wings, not really sure what they were talking about exactly other than that the bone man had brought her to help Mom. Ohhh. His eyes went wide and he crept closer, sneaking over while they both stared at Mom. And he ducked his head to peek at the bone man’s legs, ‘cause hey actually! Maybe he wasn’t so scary, not if he was helping Mom. And ‘cause he’d just finally noticed something. “Hey!” he said in a startled little squeak. “You got my stars!” He held up a leg closer to the bone man’s to compare, and then grinned up at him. “How’d you do that?”
    Reply
    #8
    Shock took Dizzy beyond the pain of her wounds, into a sort of dazed euphoria. She was dying, she must be, but that didn’t seem so bad. The world around her faded in and out of focus, but any time her eyes really focused, she saw black and star-studded blue, midnight dark eyes staring down at her from a tiny face, flashes of wings too new to be anything but adorably useless. She was dying, she must be, but that sweet little face kept peering down at her and begging her with scared eyes not to leave him.

    So she tried.

    But silence and an overwhelming sense of peace lay waiting for her in the dark behind her closed eyes, so tempting after a year of numb misery. Yes please, just make it all go away. Such bliss in that sweet silence, she could feel it radiating all the way to her, all the way through her, beckoning softly. Come and rest, baby. Let go of the hurting and the shame, let go of all the ways you’ve failed them, all the pain you’ve caused, all the regret. Let go.

    A fresh wash of pain jerked her back to herself and she cried out as black and star-studded blue writhed against her chest, frantically nudging her and dragging her back to him. Alone, he was far too little to be left alone, and she did her best to hold him close, tuck him under her chin and keep him safe.

    He scrambled to his feet, and she struggled to do the same, tried to drag her weary, broken body upright to protect him from whatever had frightened him so. But the best she could manage was a pathetic whuff, a grunt, a little flailing of her legs as she tried to rock herself up to at least see.

    Ohhh. Ohhh but then. A different kind of peace washed over her, golden and glowing softly, bolstering her waning strength and making it so much easier to breathe. She relaxed back into the ground, lying prone and letting healing magic wash over her and do its work.

    She barely caught the familiar cadence of Dovev speaking, but couldn’t quite get her mouth to cooperate, and really, she was probably imagining him anyhow. Wishful thinking and pain-induced hallucination. Still, she whuffed out a quiet little greeting to the imagined sound of her love and to whatever angel was helping her. Her soft voice washed over Dizzy, and soft lips brushed against her neck as she murmured words of comfort. Dizzy nodded and breathed out a sigh shaped like the word thank, just the softest whisper as she closed her eyes and let herself rest.
    Reply
    #9
    dovev

    "Hey!"

    Oh, geez! Right. Kid.

    "You got my stars! How'd you do that?"

    Well, goddamn this kid talks a lot for being barely outta the womb-- What? Dov's brows were furrowed in irritation, black eyes flying to the boy. He glanced over him, halting abruptly on that star-speckled blue that was so damn familiar seeing as how it was normally attached to him alone. His stern gaze lifted to the boys eyes, really fuckin' dark eyes. Like his daddy.

    "FUCK!"

    Oh god, he hadn't meant to bark that out, but no. This couldn't be happening. He snorted in quiet panic, growing edgy and feeling the tension rising in him. It wasn't real. This was Zoryn's kid, not his! His eyes slid to Diz and back to the boy again. His boy. God damn it!

    "Fuck!"

    Oh, he fucked up bad this time, hadn't he? "No!" But his shock and fear were seeping into that false anger, betraying the truth with redder eyes, tears starting to well up. The longer he saw his baby, the harder it came out, until he was groaning and smudging a tear off his jaw with a raised foreleg. He'd broken her. He'd cursed her. He swore he wouldn't have any more kids, not after Atrani. He'd killed Cerva by getting her pregnant and dooming her to a painful death bringing his damn kid in the world. And after his perfect, tiny Cerva baby broke his damn heart, he knew he couldn't put another on this fuckin' earth. He'd kill another mom and he'd fuckin' break apart again too.

    He was the catalyst to all bad things.

    And now look. Now Diz was dying too, and what would be left in her wake? HIS KID. Again. Maybe Leliana would see now why he'd run from her so damn fast, he thought bitterly. History was repeating and he couldn't fuckin' take it, and he couldn't look away from this boy. Tears were spilling freely now, choking on soft sobs because, fuck! His boy was fucking beautiful and wasn't that the cruelest truth of all.

    "Oh, fuck. Oh my god. Are you kidding me??" He sniffled, surveying over the baby's sleek coat with blurry eyes. "You gotta be fucking kidding me." Oh, god, he had a kid. That was his kid, look at him. He couldn't even stop crying, taking a step closer and reaching out low to get a good look at him, as well as he could through a sheet of tears.

    Fuck, look at him! So damn little. He didn't want any damn kids! He was gonna fuck it up again so badly. They couldn't stand his touch, who he was, just like Atrani. This boy would reject him too, as he should. Dov was gonna fuck up so bad. "Oh my god, I didn't fucking want kids. I didn't want any kids." He was mostly talking to himself and it wasn't helping, didn't make the boy disappear and save Dizzy from a horrible death, or worse, a life of having to deal with Dovev coming in and fucking it up any time he was near. Because he couldn't just fucking walk out and never see his baby again.

    But, oh god, look at him. He sniffed. "So fuckin' gorgeous," and he was near enough to reach closer, tug his baby in against him and-- "Oh fuck," he choked hard, his shoulders shaking and nose brushing against little flappy nubs on his back. Are those fucking wings?? Are those seriously fucking wings?? "Who the FUCK!" He stomped the ground hard, another sob strangled in his throat. "What kinda sick fuckin' joke--" to put an angel's wings on the son of a goddamn hellspawn like him. He was sobbing hard, falling to his knees and dragging the kid in. HIS kid, oh god. His momma made a goddamn angel out of a demon.

    "Oh, fuck," he groaned. "Get your ass over here, you little bastard," he demanded affectionately, his voice already raw and scratchy as he nudged him in and clutched him close, felt that tiny body pressed in where there was skin left bare on Dov. He jerked back the next moment. "Oh god, sorry. I'm sorry." Goddamn this merciless armor digging into his little boy's body, stupid disgusting blood gushing out of him all the damn time. He couldn't even hold his damn baby without messing the little tike up. Fuck! He got blood on him, smeared across a couple of those gorgeous little patches of constellations. He groaned, desperately trying to wipe him clean and only painting it on worse. Fuck! He was already fucking everything up!

    Dovev shot to his feet again and took a hurried step back. "Oh god, take him." Before he fucking sneezes or something and breaks his own damn baby. "Take him!" He bent down and nosed firmly at the boy, shoved his little shoulder to turn him, then his little rump to propel him forward to his mom. God, damn it, he didn't know his own strength with the poor guy. "God, sorry.." Another sniff, muscles tight as he rescued his son from his own dad with a distance between them. "Get back to your momma and eat. Go on."

    we're slaves to any semblance of touch

    Lord, we should quit but we love it too much


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    #10
    “FUCK!”

    Defy jumped with a startled huff, eyes going wide. Ohhh that was a good scare sound, got his heart racing and his whole body paying attention and trying to decide if he had to run away hide behind Mom, he’d have to remember that one. “Fuck!” the bone man helpfully said again, and Defy recognized the quiet panic in his dark eyes that hid behind the big scary rawr sounds he was making. He’d felt an awful lot of that himself too, so instead of scaring him it kinda made him feel like...like yeah, no, I get that, man. Life’s some scary shit, huh?

    Yep, and then the bone man started tearing up, his eyes getting all watery just like Defy’s had earlier. And then yeah no like full on crying, Defy totally got that. He took a teeny little step closer, reaching out his nose to make careful, gentle contact with a soft little whuffing sound like Mom made, just a reassuring little breath of hey, I got you that she managed even though words were hard.

    He was pretty sure the words spilling out of the bone man’s mouth were only like halfway important? Like panic sounds, words all jumbling together getting trippy and tangled as he freaked out out loud. Defy just nuzzled him gently, his muzzle brushing against his skin where he could reach it between bony bits.

    Oh and then he rambled something super interesting about not wanting kids, and Defy perked up and tilted his head a little, peeking down at himself again and then back at his stars splashed on the bone man’s legs, and right there on his face too. He narrowed his eyes and frowned a little, puzzling it through, and glanced over his shoulder at Mom then back up at the bone man again.

    Bone man was still crying, but he sniffed, like Defy did when he was tryin’ to pull himself together. “So fuckin’ gorgeous,” he murmured and tugged him closer to admire his wings. Well, like sorta tantrum-admire? Like he was kinda somewhere between proud and offended? Which was weird, but to be fair, Defy was pretty sure his wings were awesome, so. Maybe it was fair to be like a little jealous of how fuckin’ gorgeous he was. He grinned up at bone man and leaned into him, and snorted another surprised little huff as they sorta collapsed to the ground in a heap.

    He snorted again, more amused this time, and curled himself up against bone man’s chest to snuggle up, fitting himself between the plates of bone and taking advantage of the cuddle to lip at one of the plates and indulge his curiosit--hey! Come back here! He huffed and narrowed his eyes at bone man as bone man fussed over him, but okay actually that was kinda nice, or at least it would be if it were a little less frantic, more like, calm and cozy licking grooming thing?

    Welp. Bone man scrambled up and shied back a bit, and Defy guessed it was probably ‘cause he was pretty scary, good at chasing things away and like, faking like he was big and mean and shit? So that was fair. He scrambled to his feet too and wiggled his little tail and his little wings and really his whole little body, trying to settle into himself and keep up with bone man’s whirlwind of talking and freaking out and crying and stuff. Bone man tried to nudge him away and shove him toward Mom, but Mom needed a minute and Defy wasn’t anywhere near done with him anyhow.

    He wobbled and stumbled a couple of steps in Mom’s direction ‘cause he didn’t have a whole lot of choice other than to fall on his face, and then turned back with a stomp and a huff. Okay. How to not be scary? He turned his grumpy furrowed-brow frown into a smile and reached out slowly to touch the softest bit at the very end of his muzzle to bone man’s, breathing in and out nice and slow to like, remind him how. In, and out. “It’s okay,” he said softly, taking a couple of easy, cautious steps closer. “I know I’m real good at lookin’ big an’ scary. But you helped Momma. So you don’t gotta be afraid of me. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

    He snuggled up against bone man’s chest and rubbed his cheek against a nice skritchy edge of his armor, angling his head to hit an itchy spot with an appreciative little huff. Then he lipped at the bony plate again, exploring it. “That’s a real good scare sound you made. I’m gonna have to borrow it, it’s better than just shouting. Fuck!” he tried it out, sounding way too cheerfully delighted by the word to manage scary yet, but that’s what practice would be for, huh?

    “But you don’t gotta try and scare me though. Maybe...maybe we could even be friends? We got the same stars, that’s pretty cool, huh? Even right here.” He reached up and nudged the spot at the corner of bone man’s mouth where they both had stars. “Momma likes that bit right there on me. She gave me a kiss there even, which was a really nice kind of icky, the kind that makes your insides all warm and melty and makes you kinda maybe not mind the ick, you know?

    “You got a name, or...? Momma calls me Defy,” he added, puffing up his chest and preening a little, ‘cause it was an awesome name. Mom was pretty much the best at naming. He snuck a worried little glance her way. “She really gonna be okay?” he asked, his voice small, his ears flicking back uncertainly as he pressed harder against bone man’s chest. “I tried real hard to keep her safe like she kept me, but I couldn’t fix her.”
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