this is the first day of my life; leliana

[vulgaris]

Vulgaris

"  when she's coming for my heart it feels like armageddon. "
In his mind, he’s already apologizing for all the ways he knows he’s going to hurt her but he never lets the words come to fruition. Instead they lay across his conscience and die silently as promises that he really does love her. No one ever took the time to teach him how to love, though, and he has no idea how to nurture something so fragile now that it’s grown so enormous within him. Control is all but foregone as he continues to plunge headfirst into the sea of her with cement shoes and no hope of ever finding the surface again. Such a perfect way to go, he thinks.

She says she would follow him anywhere and his lungs are filling up with her love so exquisitely now. The world feels hazy, out of focus as it loses its saturation compared to her shining like the sun in the center of his universe. He wants to fall asleep here in the cradle of her warmth while she whispers proclamations of her devotion like a lullaby. But he has to take her home and show her the kingdom where he’s carved out a little nest for himself. Someday they’re going to fill all of Loess with their children, he thinks with a faint smile on his dreamy face. Someday everyone is going to look at their family and know that even Vulgaris is capable of finding love and joy in his life.

Will you take me home?

He nods softly and kisses his lips to her skin once more. The memory of life before her fizzles out like dying embers that had once been a roaring fire and he is content to let the past go. It slips from his fingers, the only sort of life raft that could have been his salvation, and he’s left at the bottom of the sea where everything smells like her.

“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go,” he whispers as he finally leans up and lets the air in between them. His first steps are so painfully slow to make sure she’s following. She’s like a porcelain doll and he fears any sort of movement will make her break while she carries their daughter inside her.

It’s a long way to Loess but every second with her is paradise, anyway.

@[leliana]