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the only love i ever found, desire - thomas - 07-21-2020 and I'm the kind of love it hurts to look at, but once I was enough to make you try
She had gone, just as he had known she would eventually. THOMAS — and you don't care for me enough to cry — @[Desire] RE: the only love i ever found, desire - Desire - 07-31-2020 i think i'm better on my own but i get so lost in you
She loves him, she thinks, but she is not built for love. She knows how to craft illusions and bring to life a figment of what someone wanted love to be. She knows how to reach into someone's heart and spin them the prettiest ghost they've ever seen and present to them a living image of something to love. But it was not the kind of love you could hold onto. It wasn't a love to keep you warm or keep you safe. Illusions didn't have that kind of body to them, they didn't have any depth or dimension. Because desire and love are not the same, and a phantom will never love them back. It was just pretty to look at. She felt like she was too much like her illusions – all beauty and no substance. She didn't like the fact that there seemed to be nothing beneath the surface of her; just yawning darkness. Her love for him gets lost in the darkness, and it sets her adrift. Their girls had anchored her in one place for a while, but it didn't seem to be enough. Karma had caught up with her, though, in the form of a handsome face full of sharp teeth. She had not recognized the magic of the kelpie man as it was being used on her, and her memories of their actual union are hazy. It all felt like a strange dream, and once she had set enough distance between them, she was surprised she had managed to get away at all. There is a strange feeling that sits like a cold stone in a corner of her heart, and though she knows it is guilt, she refuses to name it. She sees Thomas, and the stone seems to grow in weight, dragging her heart down further into the endless dark. She debates turning and walking away, thinking of how much better off he would be without her, and without this foolish hope she keeps offering him. But the way her name sounds coming from his mouth, and the way his glass skin feels against her shoulder, is all she needs to stay. “Thomas,” she says in that sweet way she has reserved just for him, and she presses a warm kiss to his cheek. “I missed you,” she tells him, but she does not apologize for being gone. Instead, she steps into his side, ignoring the swell of her barrel as she runs her nose down his smooth neck. “How are the girls? I haven't seen them in a while,” she asks lightly, as if she had not disappeared almost entirely. i think i'm better on my own but i'm so obsessed with you desire RE: the only love i ever found, desire - thomas - 08-09-2020 and I'm the kind of love it hurts to look at, but once I was enough to make you try
It’s as if nothing at all has changed. THOMAS — and you don't care for me enough to cry — RE: the only love i ever found, desire - Desire - 08-13-2020 i think i'm better on my own but i get so lost in you
For the hundredth time she thinks how much easier this would be if he were not so kind. She looks, as she always does, for a glimmer of anger. An ounce of spite towards her, just the smallest hint that she was pushing him beyond what he could handle. Give me a reason, she thinks, give me a reason to not love you. He doesn’t, of course. He is steadfast like a mountain, refusing to crumble despite everything she pushes against him. He is so much stronger than his glass would portray him to be, and even if she pretends to be irritated by this, she is endlessly thankful. She has found someone that she does not deserve, but there is a selfish part of her heart that is so grateful to have him. She wants him to be hers, even if she has not yet learned how to be his. She could almost forget her mistake when he touches her chest, she could almost get lost in the way her heart starts to beat harder beneath her skin at the feel of him. Almost, but not quite. The guilt is still there, ignored but not subdued; she knows the moment she grants it the attention it craves that it will drown her. She is quiet when she rests her head against his neck, silent as she simply listens to the familiar softness of his voice, reminded of how words sound different – clearer, lovelier – when spoken from the glass of his mouth. There is a whisper of a smile on her lips at what he says, because she knows their girls are beautiful – perhaps she is biased, but, they still to this day are the prettiest things she has ever seen. He calls her perfect, though, and she leaves her head pressed against him for another heartbeat before she withdraws with a tense sigh. “I’m not perfect, Thomas. We both know that.” She is suddenly all the more aware of the swell of her barrel, and she thinks this child might just bleed guilt for how much of it she carries with her. She levels her gaze with his, her black eyes unreadable when they search the blue of his own, and she is silent for a long while as she tries to gather her thoughts into words that might make sense. “You know that you deserve better, don’t you?” Is what she settles on, her voice strangely soft, and she holds him in her stare just a moment longer before looking away. “I made a mistake, and I don’t deserve any kind of forgiveness.” i think i'm better on my own but i'm so obsessed with you desire RE: the only love i ever found, desire - thomas - 08-18-2020 and I'm the kind of love it hurts to look at, but once I was enough to make you try
He’s said the wrong thing. THOMAS — and you don't care for me enough to cry — |